*Weekends at the Lake*

Right now I'm listening to "Here's to the Night" by Eve 6, and I LOVE it. It was one of the graduation songs that my brother used for his graduation video. Then we started bringing it to the lake with us, and it's become one of my favorites. "Collie Man" by slightly stoopid is one of my new favs as well. I sing it in my head all the time, and it reminds me of the wonderful weekends on the lake. Pug got his first flip on the wakeboard listening to that song. I wish I could wakeboard. Not gonna happen. lol

I seriously feel like weekends at the lake are little pieces of heaven on earth. I mean...the beautiful water and the wind in my hair, it's just amazing. I went around most of the lake on the sea doo by myself, and it was seriously like all my cares had gone away. I am SO lucky to have a place like that to go! I mean...my summers have been so much more fun since we got the lakehouse. And now that the water is finally warm it's even more fun! There's a sand bar a few feet out from our dock that we swim to and lay out in the water. We might even set up a volleyball court out there! That'd be awesome.

Here's a little idea of my days on the weekends: I start out by goin on the party barge to the dam and back...then get on the master craft and tube. After that I swim in the water and lay on a cozy mat. Then we always have SUCH great food and drinks for snacks and lunch. After that I grab a sea doo and go around the lake as much as I want. When my thumbs get tired from that I come in and lay down on the now docked party barge seats. Then I put my feet in on the swim deck and bask in all the beauty around me. When I get tired I take a nap in my bed inside. Then I wake up and go down to the dock again. It's the perfect set up. It's amazing...and I am even getting a little tan!!!!White ole' me!!!!

Next weekend is July 4th and of course we are going to spend it at the lake! We are having friends come, and it's going to be a blast!!!! Words can't explain how much fun we have. I can't explain how wonderful riding in the front of the boat feels. Everything about the lake is like an escape from real life. I couldn't explain it if I tried to for the rest of my life. That's why you just have to experience it for yourself :)

I always talk about life not being fair....but when it comes to the lakehouse....the non fairness is completely in my favor! And that's when life not being fair is okay lol

*Healthy Fear*

I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around...which brings me to the terror of reapin' what I have sown. Because I am not really good at much, but I am amazing at sowing. But not the good kind of sowing! And, baby, do I reap it! I think that's why I am a firm believer. A good fear of the Lord has lead me to this conclusion. I also believe that if you are not reapin' what you sow, then you really don't have a major place in furthering the Kingdom of God. I mean, there are obviously exceptions. And who am I to REALLY know? But the Lord disciplines those He loves. I definitely might be one of those babies of His that need a few more spankings than the rest. It seems like my entire life He has always sent me to the verse that says "Don't be like the senseless mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control." And lots of times I proved to need that bit and bridle. But as I grow older, I am needing it less and less. The good news is...He has made it pretty clear to me that I have a very high calling...He said it to me Himself! I think because of my higher calling, He probably won't let me do my own thing long. He never has. If He lets you do your own thing...um, yikes for you. But he def doesn't let me! But it's for good reason. Because of it I have a healthy fear, but fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge! So...yea knowledge!

Today there was someone that was in the bathroom for literally 15 mintues, and I was laughing and joking about what might be goin' on in there. I was almost crying from laughing so hard, and then I was almost crying from fear! "OH...SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to have to be stuck in the bathroom 15 minutes with people laughing at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I quickly stopped and kept my last comments to myself.

Now, I honestly don't think I will have to be stuck in the bathroom with people laughing at me. Justice might not exactly work that way. But it kinda does. And I am better safe than sorry. I have reaped enough in my life to know that I should fear. I have been spanked plenty of times by the Good Lord. And all for my own good! But even though it's for my good, it sometimes feels like the paddle breaks in half, like it did on a trip when I was six. Mom was mad because I shut Molly's head in the door, and I got spanked with a paddle that was apparently thin and it broke. Mom and dad got a paddle that was three inches thicker the next day. It isn't pretty, friends. But it does bring results! Great ones! Molly's head was never shut in the door again! And when the Lord disciplines me, it has even better results!!! Because He is God! And all that comes from Him just works better! The good news is...each spiritual spanking has made me a better person....because the Lord loves me a lot apparently. He thinks someone like me is perfect for the job He has for me. Crazy as it seems, I think I have a big job to do for Him. (Considering all the spankings I've gotten).I fear for reapin', but I'd fear worse if I wasn't reapin. Because that means I wouldn't have a big role for God..and I sure do want one! And even if I'm taking 'What Goes Around Comes Around" too far....at least I'm thinking about it. And at least it's making me think about my actions.

Anyways.....I know the Lord is good in every way!!! I am so thankful to Him for all He has done! What a wonderful, wonderful God that would spank me into the life I need to be living. He has never let me go it alone long. How kind..how very kind. :) :) :)

*GOODNIGHT* :)

*New phone*

I want a new phone SOOOO bad!!!!! Mine makes it so hard to text! So the poor people that text me probably think I am so mean. The fastest I've texted anyone back lately is like an hour later. Some people five days later, because I suddenly remember I haven't texted back. The other's never get one, because I completely lose their number from deleting texts and not saving numbers. The sad thing is..I want to be texted! And now people are losing hope in me!!!!!!! Those loyal texters that have always continued to text regardless of if there's an answer or not. Those random people you only text and never see. Those ones that keep your boredom from reaching a point of no return!!!!! Anyone who thinks of me randomly to text deserves one back! I want a new phone!!!! It's just that my phone is too hard to text on!!!! I bought the cheapest one...which was a bad idea! Now I have to buy another at full price, but I haven't decided if it is really a bad enough situation to spend the money. I figure when school starts I'll be texting even more...so hopefully by then I can get a new phone. Oh, why did my amazing phone have to drop in the toilet?! . R.I.P. lovely phone that was easy to text on. You will always be remembered and your death has left a thorn in my side.

*Email*

Below I'm posting the email that the author of the book I've been reading sent me! It's called "Left at the Alter- for those who have felt the heartbreak of rejection" and it has been my best friend for quite some time now! I felt like Kimberley has been the only one that understands what I've been going through. Everything she wrote I could completely relate to! Minus the being jilted at the alter part, that is WAY worse! But for some reason, we went through the exact same emotions. Probably because I fall really hard and not really often. We both felt as hurt as if someone had died. Those emotions are very real, and I want to be there for anyone who has to feel them! It's the closest to hell I hope I'll ever get. My heart is a crazy thing, and I hate how I work! If I worked another way, it wouldn't be so hard getting over hurts.Seriously, my heart can be my worst enemy sometimes!!!! I just get so mad at it!!!!! Because it shouldn't care so much! Let's be realistic! This has been extra hard, because my feelings have been so hurt. SO HURT. The way things happened were so cruel, and kinda just left me in pieces.Things said and done...they were so very harsh. So much people don't know...so much I'm having to deal with. Ya, I reacted really badly, and did things I shouldn't have. I am not proud of my reactions AT ALL! Trust me. I am in the wrong too. Calling a poor girl a "slut" at the top of my lungs in the student center was probably the low point of my life. Ug. That was when abby went postal. In a bad way. And I need the blood of Jesus to cover that day! But I was given no mercy in my brokenness and just thrown away. It's just really sad. So much hurt.Things that are probably even forgotten by the one who did them. And the injustice of it all is probably what kills me the most. It's completely unfair in every single way. And on top of that I'm watching my twin sister marry the man of her dreams. It's hard. And forgiving is HARD. But it's right.

It is so neat to get encouragement from someone who has made it through hard times, and can tell me that there is hope. I am sick of hurting! I am sick of it! It's been three months, and I still feel like I haven't made much progress. I still hurt every single day! Sure, there are times when I feel happy, but there are also times each day where I am sad....really sad. Today I was like: "God! I am so sick of hurting!!! I am getting so very tired of it!" Because I am!!!!!!! I should be fine by now!!!! UGH!!! I hate my heart! Why won't it just stop hurting?! It takes great effort not to hurt, I have to force myself! But I know I'll be better for it. I'm just at a point where I'm sick of it. And I hate when people get away with things they shouldn't get away with. I know God is just, but I am not a fan of his timing. Because I'm sure by the time justice is served I won't even care anymore. Ug. It's hard to sleep with a pillow soaked in tears. Wet pillows are NASTY. These wet pillows better be worth something! I want to change lives just like Kimberley did, thanks to her tear stained pillows!!!! God, USE ME BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!! I don't want these tears wasted! And I don't believe they will be :) That keeps me going! Anyways, here is her encouraging email! It has helped me a lot :)

Hey Abby!
I completely know every single thought and feeling you're having about yourself and that man and God right now. Every single one. I was (as you read) exactly where you are today---so I can tell you with complete assurance that you will get better! You WILL be able to see that God allowed that relationship to end because either a) it wouldn't have been a good marriage and especially because b) HE's got someone ELSE set aside for you! I know today you don't want to hear that because you wanted THAT man. (remember I'm the girl who got back with the guy who LEFT HER AT THE ALTAR!) but it's true.

In the meantime, remember "The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking." And I also believe that He's up in heaven smiling down, just KNOWING what He's got in store!!

Keep me posted, Okay?

With love,

Kimberley



The fact that she believes the Lord is smiling down, just knowing what He has in store makes me smile! What a nice thought :)....I am so open even on my blog...maybe that's a good quality to have seeing as I want to be an author. Kimberley let it all out there, and that was the kind of writing that truly changed my life.

*One more thing to add for today*

Just had to say this....the Lord is so amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When He promises me things, He always keeps His promises. He has given me a joy today that I am so thankful for! It doesn't happen everyday, but it's here today. I just want to dance like a lunatic to show my thanks! haha! As I am writing this I feel completely at peace and content. In this moment I fully trust the Lord. And I wish I had that trust 24/7, but my weak human nature is not always thinking clearly. But right now, I feel clear. Right now, I am trusting 100% in my loving Savior! My father in Heaven is amazing. Happy Father's Day to the Lord as well! Thanks for being so great, Lord! I am in awe of His goodness!!!! He is sooooooooooo nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like....SO nice!

YAY FOR THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

*HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!*

This Father's day has really made me think about how blessed I am having the dad I have. I have thought about a few things, and just thought I would write them down. I am so thankful for having a dad like him! :)I have a dad who says "I'm really proud of you" at least once a week.I have a dad that has never missed a dance recital or game in my entire life.I have a dad that cheered me on in softball, even when I was the worst on the team. He used to scream "GOOD EYE!" when I would just stand there like a deer in the headlights when the ball came my way.I have a dad who didn't take up a hobby on the weekends, because he said his hobby was going to be his family.I have a dad who could afford to buy me a brand new car on my sixteenth birthday, but decided to get me a 2,000 dollar cruddy maroon car to share with my sister to teach me some sort of life lesson. I have a dad who is always ready to forgive. No matter how bad I mess up, it only takes a hug and a sincere "I'm really sorry, dad" and he never brings it up again.I have a dad who spanked me into friendliness, because he truly cared about me.I have a dad who has always been gruff around the boys I date, because he doesn't trust them. I was so upset then, but now I'm kinda happy about it. Dad has a better judge of character than me! But with Logan he has been nothing but amazing. And Logan is the true love for molly. That shows when my true love comes along, he will love him and be kind. Note to self....LISTEN TO DAD NEXT TIME! ha! He kinda knows what he is saying :)I have a dad who always has a joke to say, and can always make me laugh.I have a dad who saw that I wasn't in the right place at my last College, and did whatever he could to get me into OBU. Oh..and he pays for College without any scholarships...yikes..that's a nice dad!I have a dad who I can trust will be there for his family. I trust him with all my heart, and I can't say that about many people. He is a good man, and he will always be loyal to us.I have a dad who goes to work early, just so he can get off early to see us.I have a dad that gives me hope that there are truly good men out there in a world where good men are very hard to find.I have a dad that follows the Lord, and shows what true leadership is all about.I have a dad who is overworked and under appreciated, but never complains about it one bit.I have a dad that shows all the characteristics that I will look for in a man one day.I have a dad who is truly someone to look up to. He is someone I can easily respect.I have a dad who I am privileged to know and love. :)

*Just gotta write!*

I don't really have anything specific to say, but it's 12:19 am on a Saturday night, and I just want to write. I don't know why I can't go to sleep...I just have a lot on my mind lately. I got lonely again today, and I hate that. Getting over someone is not the hard part, it's getting over the being lonely that is definitely the hardest. Getting over someone who throws your heart into the ground is easy as pie. But being alone, that's a different matter. Sitting alone on the couch on a Saturday night, knowing the one who broke you and never looked back is sitting in the arms of someone they love. That's tough. Really tough. And completely unfair. But I know the Lord is up to something good for me. I am going to make it to a day where I am fully okay with being alone. That way when my future husband comes, I will be healthy and ready for a Godly relationship. I won't be using him to get my happiness. I want to make my next relationship glorify the Lord in every way. And to make that happen, it's gonna take time. Time for me to grow. And in the mean time, I'll just have to deal with those lonely moments as they come. Jesus shows up every single time...and I don't feel so alone anymore. I thank Him so much for that!!!! The other day in the car I stopped at a stop sign for much longer than I should have, because I had just started to cry. The seat next to me is always so empty...so very empty...and I guess I was just extra sensitive from lack of sleep. But I began to sob and stopped the car....then I felt the Lord's presence in such a real way, and I stopped crying. It made me so thankful! I was so alone, and then I just felt Him so close to me. I imagined Him in the seat next to me, and I felt like He was holding my hand. The bible says He holds me by my right hand. And that night, I felt it.

One day this will all be a distant memory and I will be so thankful for the growth that has happened. I praise the Lord for all the hardships I endure, because it is making me into the Godly woman I am supposed to be. The man I marry will be so amazing, and worth every bit of hard times I face. Because if hard times makes me a better person, then I am more than willing to go through them for the sake of my husband and kids. This is growing me and teaching me so much, and I am happy to do it for the Lord, and for my future family. Everything is going to be okay. I am going to look back and be thankful. I am going to look back as a different person than I am today. The girl who is writing this so late on a Saturday night. I'm turning into a woman who is going to raise a family that follows the Lord with all their hearts! I want to be the mom that says "Now that is not honoring God! We need to bless Jesus with our actions today!" to her one year old babies. I say that because I went to a house where the mom said that to her one year old's and it was so cute! I want to be a mom like that :) I want to make Jesus a main topic of discussion in my future home.

I gotta go to bed...church tomorrow....Sweet dreams -A

If it was up to me
My life would be a blue print on the table
And every year would have a label
I would know precisely the day that you would come and find me
I'd see your face (the one that I dream of)
I just can't wait
Cause I know

Someday, someone's gonna change my life
Some how someone's gonna make me smile
Like I never have before
Someday Someday
Somewhere, someone's gonna steal my heart
Some how we'll never ever be apart
And I can't wait for that someday
Someday isn't so far away

*Sleeping with a woman who holds mase!*

So, right now I am trying to go to sleep, but it's kind of hard when the girl next to me is sleeping with a big can of mase. I have a friend who is overly prepared for a break-in, but I guess that is better than not being prepared at all. But my thinking is, what if she has some sort of night terror and I lose my site for days?! I am kinda freaked out here.

My back is like out of control in the hurt department! I don't know what exactly is ruining my back, but it's something at work. I was at school from 8:30 to 6:30 today with no breaks, and I always seem to have some sort of drama to attend to! Today was the bee sting from the little boy who decided to do a dance in front of the hive. That never works out well. I told him not to bother the bees, and what did he do? He got down with his groovy self inches from the hive! Does anyone ever listen to me????????????????? I say things for good reason!

A chicken chased me...and it even growled at me. Yes, growled. I went a runnin', because there was no way I was gonna be pecked! And those things freak me out BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodnight :)

*Hoity Toity*

Yesterday we went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant for Kate's birthday. It was not JUST a fancy restaurant, it was THE fancy restaurant. I mean I felt completely out of place, I was like so not proper enough to be in that place. It was so much fun, because it was a new experience. We go to nice restaurants all the time, but this was not a nice restaurant. It was like FANCY FANCY FANCY! Bonefish has nothing on this place! I was glad I didn't get kicked out from all my giggles. I don't think you were supposed to bust out laughing in there! And so many things about this place just screamed for a joke to be made about it!!! I couldn't help myself! Emily Gilmore would appreciate the place we went. We are talking a restaurant where you MUST do valet parking, and if you leave to go to the bathroom they fold your napkin AGAIN and pull your seat out and in for you. When we went to the bathroom the toilet paper was folded just so and Caroline goes: "Do I need to fold it back?!" haha! The about me of the restaurant said: "Very exclusive." We were VIP, people! But I am too loud of a person for a place like that. Only light giggles and fanning of the faces are allowed. And to be honest, they don't give enough food at upscale dining places like that! No wonder the stars are so skinny! They eat at places that give them hardly any food. I think I fit in better at places like Chili's. But we got a rose when we left, which made it all worth it. I just feel more beautiful when I have a rose in my hand. I don't know why :)

*Not lonely enough!*

First off, I have to start this post by saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best friend, kate!!!!!!!!!!! I am very thankful to have her as a friend, and will always count her as one of the closest people in my life! God has really blessed me through her!!!! Many people go their whole lives without finding a friendship as deep and loyal as ours. :) I am so blessed!!!!

Next thing I have to say is....I went from being lonely all through May to NOT LONELY ENOUGH in June!!!! HAHA! There are people and kids everywhere! I can't seem to get a moment to myself! And if you know me, you know that alone time is something I NEED! I love being social and I love making friends, but I would rather be alone on a desert island than have to be around people 24/7. Being so busy makes it so hard to think. I have no emotions at all, because I have no time to feel them. No wonder people make themselves busy when they are having a rough time, it's impossible to feel bad when you are super busy! It's impossible to feel anything! But I WANT to be able to feel! When I feel, is when I run to Jesus more. When I feel, I can listen to the spirit so much better. When my life is busy, it drowns Him out in a way I don't like. I have to make time at night to just stop my crazy life and focus on Him. When I'm not so busy I notice Him more often. I hate that I'm so busy that it makes it hard to think. All I think about is Mexican Train, Bingo, Frindle, and who needs what band-aid. My life is such a whirlwind right now. But what makes it worth it is when I walk into my classroom each day this one little boy goes: "Bow chicka bow wow!" and everyone starts to cheer. I am really wanted in this classroom, and that is a nice feeling. I can't walk the halls without at least five little kids grabbing onto my legs. My four year olds from last year chase me down the hall. I am like a hero. It is a great feeling, and it makes me realize why I have the major I do. I CAN make a difference. These kids look at me like I'm really important. To get a hug makes them light up so bright. It's nice to be so needed, it's nice to feel wanted. But I'm starting to need to feel a little more lonely. A little less wanted. I hate being lonely, and I hate feeling not lonely enough. I think if I feel wanted by people I love, and get at least four hours a day of alone time, that is my perfect medium. I hope my perfect medium will return in the fall! I haven't had it for quite some time, and I'm ready for it to makes it's appearance! I am absolutely exhausted beyond description, so I am going to bed! :)

*Good-bye Five Dollars...Good-bye*

This morning I stopped at San Fransisco bread company to get a ham and cheese bagel to start my day off right. I gave the man my money and when he started to give me change back he DROPPED five dollars and twenty-three cents into this open plastic container. I do not have much money, so that five dollars was definitely something I was counting on. Well, when I reached in to grab my dropped change, I realized it was a container for donations to charity. I stuck my hand in to grab my five dollars out, but the entire store seemed to stare at me and give me evil looks. They acted like I would be committing the ultimate sin by grabbing my change out of there. But by the way they looked at me, it seemed like they thought I was just taking a handful for the road. So needless to say I am five dollars poorer because of a slip up on my cashier's part. But I am all about giving to charity, so I guess it all worked out. But if that keeps happening, I am going to have to actually grab money from the charity box. Because if you saw my bank account, you would quickly realize I could be considered a charity as well. Okay, maybe not. But still. I love giving to others, but I like it better at the end of the summer when I can actually afford it.I'm tired...I'm going to sleep now. I am hoping for a great dream tonight! The past few nights have been filled with dreams of burning buildings, and I'm kinda ready for a nice dream.

I don't always live by what I'm about to say, but I definitely have a heart that wants to follow them. Just thought I'd write some of the things God has been teaching me lately...

1.) Give mercy freely, no matter how much someone hurts you. There should be no end to our mercy, because there is no sin that Jesus did not pay for on the cross.

2.)You cannot be free if you are seeking vengeance on someone else. Forgiving someone will set you free, hating them will not help anything. If you wish bad things on other people, the Lord will turn His anger from them and onto you. Yikes.

3.) A loose tongue shows a wicked heart, and a mouth that stays closed is wise.

4.) We don't have the "right" to be angry with people. And we are not in a fight against humans, we are in a fight against the spiritual world.

5.)God calls us to go above and beyond forgiveness. We are to bless our enemies and pray for them. It's hard, but the Lord blesses us for it. True love means blessing others and expecting nothing in return. Doing what is right, regardless of a person's reaction.

6.) Doing what the Lord wants is very hard at times, but He will bless us for it. He will reward us for our efforts. I believe that every time I hold my tongue when I feel like saying something mean, the Lord has a reward for it. Because He is good like that. And I know it makes Him happy and smile really big, because He knows I am trying to do what He wants.

7.) God is just, and only in His timing is His justice made perfect. We all reap what we sow. If it doesn't seem like it, give it time. The Lord lets us go our own way and make our own problems most of the time. Free will. It's killer. The bible means it when it says "Do not be misled, you can't ignore God and get away with it. You reap what you sow"-Galatians 6:7 The Lord disciplines those He loves, so sometimes it can be really good. I know I got justice for things, and it has ended up being my saving grace.

*Friday Night Ramblings*

Right now I am laying on the big red couch in front of a big screen tv watching Gilmore Girls...and let me just say, life is good. I'm waiting on Kate to get here because she is spending the night and we are going to the lake tomorrow. Even though I feel completely worn-out from the parent meet and greet today. There are 39 kids in my class which means a lot of meeting to do! Kristin was out of town so I had to do it all alone, and there are many awkward social moments to be had in a situation like that.

The meet and greet is like a time for the kids to hide behind the parents legs and make the teacher feel really awkward. I really think that's what it's for. But the people would never know it because my mom spanked me into friendliness so I do pretty well in situations like that. I smile really big and pretend to know what I'm talking about. The parents ask me tons of questions and I answer with something that sounds amazing. I am actually really proud of what comes out of my mouth. I'm like YA, SELF! That sounded really good! Lots of the kids seem like they are going to be great, but I have a feeling the fish tank is gonna become a problem. I have a fish tank in the room that the kids aren't supposed to touch, but you know that's the first thing they run to, lol. I am excited though....I mean I want to make day camp fun, because it's the way I'm spending my summer, too. Eight to ten hours a day!

It's kinda weird because the classrooms are in the new school building, which is my old church building. So many memories from my childhood are screaming from those halls. It brings back memories I forgot were even in my memory bank. It's interesting how things in life can bring memories back like that. And you know what else is interesting? How time works. So much has happened in this past year, but now that I am reconnecting with people from last year it feels like no time has passed and nothing has happened since then. I feel like I'm back where I was, but in reality this year has held a lot! I was really glad to see my babies from last year. I got a lot of little hugs that made my day! :) I am excited for the summer.....I'm gonna get back to my show now. This red couch is seriously the best place in the world to be. I have the perfect pillows and the perfect blankets. I wish this moment would never end :)...I am easily content. I like that about myself.

*Independent Boulevard*

It is FINALLY time to start work again! I am so excited! I have all my stuff ready to make the bulletin board and decorate my fourth grade classroom!!! I babysat for two girls that are going to be in my class today, and it really got me pumped! I had a blast with the girls doing all this random stuff that only a kid would think of. We pretended like their dog was a superstar and took it to it's different photo shoots. Then we made the whole alphabet with our bodies, haha...After that we had a lemonade stand, and unfortunately sales were down. I mean, I definitely stop at every lemonade stand I see because it is owned and operated by some kid that will be so happy at the sale! I always keep a quarter or two in my purse in case I come upon a lemonade stand. Those kids worked hard on that lemonade!!! But,not gonna lie, I bought ours already made. I told them it would give them more time for the poster, when in reality I just didn't want to make it. And for goodness sake you can buy it already made! Why would you ever buy it in powder?

Soooo.........

The good news is nobody has congratulated me on my "engagement" in the past two days! Luckily it all has kinda blown over and that means less people coming up and giving me a congratulatory hug. Some people would even grab my finger to see the ring, only to turn away embarrassed by my very bare left hand. But the diamond that will be on there some day will be quite large and heavy, so I need to work out my finger before I am ready to wear it. It really is all for the best. My finger is not near ready! And I really am starting to love my life. I have such a peace about it all. I am content with my circumstances, and even more than that I like where I am!!! I am starting to think I don't want to date for like two years! Maybe more! Independent boulevard is the street I'm planning on traveling. That song "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T" is about me, you know? Except for the REAL words are : "I N D E P E N D E N T do you know what that means? She's got her own dorm (that her dad bought), she's got her own car (that her dad gave her), work hard (kinda), two jobs (well one in the summer) ....Okay maybe that song isn't about me. But still. I want to be independent of anyone on a love level while being very dependent on a dad level. I just want my heart to be fully given to Christ and no other love have Him. It's our time. I mean...I have a lot of growing to do!!! And it's not really a time of waiting, because it's definitely a fun time and full of spiritual growth!!!!Not to mention the Lord is providing such wonderful things in my life that bring so much joy!!! He is so nice like that! Being in the Lord's will feels SO much better than any relationship ever could! And that is just the truth!!!

I am LOVING being so close to the Lord! It is so easy to give my full life to Him when I am independent. For the first time in my life I feel like I can honestly follow Him without my plans or will getting in the way! Because I seriously have no plans or will! I am not worried about what will or won't happen! I am just on cruise baby! And everything just seems so much clearer!!!! I am very thankful for what the Lord has done! :) I am going to bed now....I need some sleep so I can be rested to decorate my treasure board! I am PUMPED about starting work!!!!

*Oh, It makes me laugh*

So yesterday I got a call from my best friend Kate telling me that she wanted me to come to a bible study. She said it was a ministry for single women that got together to learn more about Christ. Well that sounded really great, so of course I said I'd go. I mean I'm a single gal and planning on staying that way for a LONG time! I'm a single woman, loving Christ, why not go to the study? I had plans to go with Allyson to Chili's at five, but I figured I could rush and get out by six. So 5:45 rolls around and I have to leave before my chocolate molten cake gets there which is like a crime in itself. But I left anyway so I wouldn't be late.

When we drove up we noticed there were only like ten cars in the parking lot, but we decided to go in anyway. Then we walked in and saw in the middle of the church ten middle aged, pleasantly plump women sitting in a circle. All the sudden I felt a pinch on my arm and Kate whispered "KEEP WALKING!" so we walked right past the singles group and hid in the bathroom. I was laughing so hard because apparently we had the wrong idea of what a singles bible study was. I was like "Maybe we aren't considered singles yet since we are still in College! And under the age of 40!" She was just laughing so hard and made us walk around the whole building so we didn't run into them again. And then of course we saw a license plate that said something similar to "Junista" and Kate was like "Junista! She wouldn't miss it!" and we were just like crying from laughing so hard. I think we are gonna go ahead and think twice before thinking "singles"refers to us. Cause really...a five year old kid is single, but that's not really what the bible study was targeting. I think we are gonna be okay. hahaha And there is no such thing as a scarlett "S" for being single. haha And if there was..I think I'd take that "S" by my own accord! :) Oh man, that is a memory that will stay with me forever. That is all I have to say for now. Really deep, I know. ;)