Saturday, August 20, 2011

*My Life's Current News*

Here I am, reporting to you after my first week of school. :) I have made it through and it feels GOOD! Life outside of college is pleasantly less stressful so far I must say. Probably because I am employed at the rainbow happy school where everyone is full of joy due to a perfect work environment. haha It also helps that I am not writing papers at night about legal issues in the eduction system using the all confusing APA format. I could not be happier about finally being on the other side!!!

Speaking of Legal Issues, I can't say much of anything about school related things so I won't be blogging about the hilarious stuff that happened this week. I can guarantee you that I have TONS of funny quotes and stories already and it's only been four days! I keep a post-it handy to write them down, because they are just too good to forget. Some of the things about my day are so funny that I end up laughing out loud by myself later that day. I mean….when you're having popcorn prayer with 6 and 7 yr. olds, it's bound to bring some priceless moments. I seriously feel like the luckiest person in the world!!!

Not only do hysterical things fall into my lap on a daily basis, but I have the best students on earth! You know I wouldn't just be saying that, because I am not afraid to blog about the mishaps in my life. This time…I'm not giving the miserable company, because I really do have students that exceed all of my expectations!!! I feel so honored and I just can't believe the Lord allowed me this wonderful responsibility! I don't want to take any moment for granted, because I know I only have them for a year! That is not long!!! We have to squeeze all the love out we can before it's too late! *Insert thought about my kindergarten class from last semester….I'd give anything for one more hug fest from them!*

*My license FINALLY came in the mail!!!!!!!! No more worried days calling the police over my fingerprints, haha….I'm sure they are happy about that! There are a few establishments that know me by name due to excessive use: Heavenly Ham, Starbucks, Terrace on the Green, and the Police Department.

**In other news….USA drug is the BEST place to get pictures printed off if you want immediate results! If you have like 400 photos you could be sitting there a while, but if you have about 20 or so they print off really quickly right in front of you!!!! Seriously!!! It's a teacher's best friend for those crafts involving photos! I am so glad I was born in this era!!! I love technology!

*** Samuel leaves tomorrow! :( :( :( I am going to miss that baby boy!!!! Our family might need some major help from the outside world to get over this occurrence. I'm gonna need a major therapy book on how to let your nephew go! It has to be thick, because this will not be an easy thing! Especially when he sometimes confuses me as Molly so we have an even deeper bond! He's even smiling now…awww. I've LOVED getting to be with Molly and Logan, too….wahhhh What will we do?! We are all gonna be a huge mess. A basket case of insanity!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

*Perfect Timing*

Do you ever wake up and look at the world completely different? I feel like I go through phases in my head where my view of things seem to change. I never know when those days will be, but sometimes I just wake up and feel….different.

Obviously my life has changed over night for two very important reasons which is probably why I feel this way. The MOST important thing is that I'm now an aunt to a beautiful baby boy who has stolen my heart completely! :) A very close second is that I am finally where I've wanted to be for so long and have started my career.

I feel like I can't even write about Samuel because there are no words that truly portray how wonderful it feels to be an aunt. I'm sure many of you are wondering (don't lie) how it feels to have a twin sister who is married and has a newborn baby when you haven't even had a date in three years. I'm here to tell you that no matter what we plan for our lives, God has His own plans and He has His ways of making us okay with that. I couldn't be more overjoyed to have this baby in my life!!! I am absolutely head over heels IN LOVE!!! My heart is complete putty in his hands and it's never going back! Samuel is my little love and I would go to the ends of the earth for him. My heart is thrown at him completely with no hinderances which is my favorite type of love. :) I am so thankful to Jesus for my nephew and I rush over after work to hold him for hours. I never want to let go!

Although my heart is full of peace and joy now, i'll be wasn't always like that. For the first few months of Molly's pregnancy I had a really hard time dealing with it. I told God very politely that as long as He brought me a man before Molly had a baby, then I'd be fine that I was second to be married. I think God makes me feel so special that I definitely overstep my bounds sometimes! I wonder if He sometimes just looks at me and shakes his head. Probably because I say "I know it's wrong to say this, BUT…" I mean, I am completely honest with God and we have a very open relationship so I made sure that He knew my agenda. Aka…get a man before the first grandchild. He really didn't answer that one the way I wanted exactly, though. Infact…I kinda got more heartbreak instead! I would sometimes just yell at God and try to convince Him that He was not fair. It's interesting because whenever I would hold my fists up and question God, He had a way of grabbing my hands softly and pulling me into a hug. Even though I thought that I had a better way of handling my life than God, He still just wanted me close. Even though I was throwing a complete fit…He held me even tighter.

Jesus has grown me a lot since then and I wouldn't be the woman I am today without the struggles that have come in the past two years. Even though it isn't always easy, I have so much joy and I know that Samuel didn't come a moment too soon. I am convinced that God has PERFECT timing and nothing could've taught me that more than my wrestling with God. I ask for love…and I seem to get heartbreak. I follow God and work so hard to live a life of purity…and I get to sit at home with my frogs. There is definitely no kissing going on in my life, believe that! Just me and the frogs who like to cuddle which is kinda rude….I can never seem to escape the third wheel role. That's just the way it is right now, but I wouldn't have it any other way if that is what Jesus chooses for me these days! God promises to work everything together for my good and I believe that because He has and will!

I know God has the perfect plan for me and I trust Him with my life. I am now at a point where I see what He has been doing and I am so thankful that I am where I am today. Jesus has been SO good to me!!!! I am in absolute awe and I have never trusted God as much as I trust Him right now. Sometimes we just have to keep drudging forward in the dark, forcing our hearts to believe that it will all make sense one day. And it will.

I am starting to see things come together that I didn't understand before and I cannot tell you how full of happiness I am now that I've started my job. It's like I've been searching my whole life for where I fit in the world and I've finally found it. I was MADE to teach babies….everything about myself that I didn't understand now makes perfect sense. God has made me exactly the way I need to be and I am so thankful.

I am convinced that everything will make sense in time no matter how long we are in the dark. You just wait…..for every trial I face in my life, I can guarantee you that something beautiful will come. God's timing is PERFECT. God's plan is the BEST for my life. How can I argue? How can I complain? My Jesus knows what He's doing, even when I don't understand.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

*Bad Bedside Manner*

I have the absolute worst bedside manner. It's a burden I've had to bare for as long as I can remember. At the sight of blood, I feel queazy and start to black out. I have a severe phobia of the hospital and start to freak out when I have to go in one. It's a germaphobe's worst nightmare and it's not easy to face. I mean…you have no idea what's crawling on you after you leave that place and who knows what frightening things you may encounter there.

As most of you know, my sister has been extremely ill with salmanila for a few days now. When Molly first got to the hospital, I had no idea because everyone forgot to wake me up from my nap. I guess Molly in a deathly state overruled alerting me which is probably understandable. Once I woke up and figured out what happened, I went strait to the hospital forgetting my severe phobia.

It didn't take long to remember my fear because the moment I walked into the lobby I felt myself start to hold my breath. "What is coming into my lungs?!?! MUST NOT BREATHE!!!" I thought as I shuffled over to the elevator. I was shocked to realize I didn't have a napkin to push the button with so I tried to kick it with my foot which was not helpful. Luckily an unsuspecting citizen pushed the button for me and I sure hope for their sake they washed their hands afterwards. They must be unaware of those germs sitting on there waiting to pounce.

The elevator smelled like an old man's foot mixed with two different types of perfume. I was squished between way too many people and we awkwardly rode the vator up without any sign of conversation. I tried to hold my breath again, but my head was starting to hurt so I had to stop. Luckily, labor and delivery is on the second floor, so I didn't have to endure that hardship long.

I was told by the front desk lady to pick up the phone and ask the nurse to let me in at the special doors. The phone smelled like the old Chuck E Cheese slide and I could only imagine how many people had talked into it without thinking to clorox! I held it far away from my head and screamed into the phone when I thought I heard a voice. I guess it worked, because the door unlocked.

I got to Molly's room and was horrified to see her in such a dark state. She was VERY sick. I washed my hands and grabbed some gloves to keep myself safe from whatever it was. I timidly said hello to her and went and sat in the corner and proceeded to stare at her with a frightened look. "What do I do, what do I do?!"…I was not helping anything one bit. All I did was start to cry as Molly told me she was sorry I had nothing to keep me occupied. Here she was being selfless and I was just falling apart in the corner of the room asking if she'd ever walk again. FAIL.

Fortunately, Molly knows of my horrific bedside manner and asked for me to come back and visit anyway. She is very wonderful like that. I care about her so much and fighting through the jungles of the hospital to see her was an act of love. I actually went back everyday, because I wanted to be the best I could be…even if it was less than mediocre and hardly of any comfort at all.