*A Most Important Lesson*

I can't sleep. My mind has been racing in the dark with all the visions and adrenaline that has been pumping through my body ever since the weather started coming through Oklahoma a few days ago. I think it's just now hitting me how bad things got in the City and my mind won't shut down.

I don't ask myself why this happened because I'm not surprised by tragedy. It's part of life and a part I really hate. We like to forget about it in our everyday lives by focusing on doing things fun and having a good time with people, trying to block out the fact that we are stuck here in this world that holds many disappointments.

I haven't been through much the public eye has seen in my life that looks like tragedy, but I have had tragedy in my heart many times. I think lots of us have gone through so much more than anyone could ever know because it happens in a place they can't see. Part of me is thankful for the pain because it taught me one of the most important lessons I'll ever learn. A lesson that will stick with me forever.

I will never be fully satisfied until I am reunited with Christ.

I know we are told that ALL the time, but as humans we try SO hard to fight that statement. We think that if we get our prayers answers, then everything will just be better. If I find a man, if I have a baby, if I get the right job, if I have plenty of friends, if I am beautiful…we chase all these things in hopes that the deep void we feel in the silence will go away. But it never does…maybe it's silenced for a little while, but then something happens to make us realize that we were very wrong. It's still there.

In a children's bible it describes this feeling as "Missing God"…it's like we miss Him even if we don't realize that's why we feel that way. Nothing on this earth will take that away. The time that the void will be completely wiped away for good is when things are made RIGHT. Chasing things of this world and holding the false notion that prayers answered for my life dreams would make me completely content was the wrong way to go. Only one thing can make me feel fully content and satisfied and that's never going to happen here. The roses will always have thorns this side of Heaven.

It's actually a pretty neat thing how the timing of this realization came about. I was in a really hopeless place for a while before I met Brian, but the Lord was wanting me to learn something very important before he gave my husband to me. Through a series of events, the Lord helped me realize that no matter what, even if I was given EVERYTHING I ever asked for on this earth, I would still have a void. I would still feel unsatisfied. I would still MISS God and the life I knew I was supposed to have. I took the road of thinking that nagging feeling would go away if I was married or got my other dreams and that if all my prayers were answered life would finally feel complete. Life would finally be EASIER.

But that's not true.

I remember one night it really clicked with me. I said to God:"I realize now that no matter what happens, I'll never feel satisfied until I am with YOU on the other side of this life. No dreams coming true or person will ever make me feel the way I would feel if I were finally with YOU. I am going to stop chasing all these things and chase You instead."

The next week I met the love of my life.

The next year many things I had been praying for my entire life started coming to pass.

It was like He wanted to make sure my priorities and mindset were in the right place before He gave me my family. I hold tightly to the belief that Jesus is always my First love….He was there with me in the beginning and He will be there with me in the end. It was so important for me to realize this before I could be truly happy in a marriage. Going into it knowing that THIS is not what completes me…Heaven and life with God will be what completes me. And one day I will feel a wholeness that I have never experienced before.

These times when so much tragedy and destruction happen point me to Heaven and the reality that I am only here for a little while and one day going to be freed of any negative situation. But these times are also a time to focus and reflect on what good things this life has to offer and how blessed I am to get to experience joys when I least deserve them. It's a time to hold my family and friends close and be thankful for the time we have together.

I am relishing in this happy phase in my life, but also soberly realizing that we all have a day of tragedy to come. But I don't blame God. He isn't the one who brought sin and destruction in the world...man did. He weeps at the thought of all we have to go through as well and went through worse than any of us will ever have to. He had to die on the cross and be completely separated from God to save us from ourselves. At least we have the Holy Spirit and the presence of God everywhere we are. We are never fully separated from Him…He has come to US. But even though He is already here, we still know that things aren't right yet. That feeling inside on tragic days like today reminds us all too well.

I am thankful for The Cross because it eliminates tragedy once this life is over and this world is gone.

I am very ready for that day….but until then, I am thankful for what I have here on earth and all the blessings that are given to me. I am thankful for the void because it reminds me who is MOST important. I'll hold my family closely realizing they don't complete me or fill me, but enjoying the happiness that they bring. This world is a bad place, but oh…the good it has for us is something to celebrate! The good that points us to God and gives us just a little glimpse of what's to come.

It's an amazing feeling to realize that the happiest I feel on earth doesn't even compare to the joy that's coming.

*My Slow Journey to Being Outdoorsy*

I finally took a walk alone down my street and I feel like I've really taken a large step forward in my quest to be outdoorsy. I have wanted to take a walk on these pretty days for a while now,  but it's really scary for me when I look out my bedroom window and see a bobcat smiling at me, and that snake in the middle of the road still fills my mind with questions. Even the insects here are enlarged and seem to be eating something to make them grow twice the size they were in Arkansas. But then again…maybe I didn't get close enough to look.

It's not only the wild beasts that make me fearful of walking on my street as much as the VERY large dogs. Every time I drive through the neighborhood, I see enormous dogs running loose that I'm sure are VERY loyal to their masters, but not to outsiders. We all got a note in our mailbox to tie up the dogs in the area, but out in the country…folks don't really listen to that. I hear gunshots often…people just do what they want. That's what the country is for, right?

I really do WANT to experience the beauty of nature, but it has really scary things that come with it. I feel like every time I go outside, I end up having to face some fear or put myself in the path of potential pain. When we were little, punishment didn't feel good so we learned not to do something because of it. That's EXACTLY how I learned to run from nature. It punished me in full many times. It might've punished me with a bee sting, or falling into the rocks at Pinnacle, or seeing a snake out in the yard, or getting torn up by a sticker bush. It just seemed to come with a lot of pain…and aren't we supposed to learn to get AWAY from something if it's painful? Why am I so judged for my lack of love for the outdoors?! It only makes logical sense that I would feel this way. I DO NOT like to feel pain, so I run from things that bring it.

Knowing where my problem with the outdoors comes from helps me understand and take baby steps in the right direction. My lack of willingness to run to the trees is not just some random accident. It was from very clear and direct punishments from nature.

But I'm still trying…even though it's hard to see the positives that outweigh the negatives, I'm still TRYING to be more outdoorsy. I'm TRYING to be less fearful of the hornets nest right outside the door. I'm TRYING to imagine myself tanning in the backyard without panicking about a snake or bobcat or turkey ruining the experience. I'm TRYING to imagine myself at the top of the food chain with nothing to fear,  but my brain is telling me that being outside is where the danger could come. Inside…looking from the window…it's just beauty without consequence. 

If all the wildlife was taken away, I really would enjoy nature more. I love the beauty of the trees and the smell of being outside. I like to be on the lake in the boat where I can experience all the joy of creation with all the dangers underneath and out of my mind. I WANT to be outdoorsy, because I like the outside, I really do. I just hate the feeling you have when you spot a snake…even if it doesn't hurt you. I don't like putting myself in places to get spooked, because I scare myself enough in my own mind and don't need any reality to help. 

But I do want to be braver and less fearful when it comes to going outside regardless of the fact that wildlife will always be there.  I've already figured out how to be outside on the beach pretty well and I can also do the lake like a champ…but I guess the next thing on my list is being okay with the woods. 

My baby step one towards that goal is officially completed. I took a walk alone down my street and I made it. And I'm okay. It was actually very nice and nothing bad happened. It was worth putting myself in snakes way…because the feeling I got was far greater than the fear.

*A Big Responsibility*

It's a known fact that baby mammals learn by what they see. I recently came across this quote on a kids research site that really got me thinking:

"Baby mammals learn from their mothers. Most of the mothers don’t really try to teach their babies, but the babies watch their mother and do the things they see her do. Through copying their mothers, baby mammals learn everything they need to survive."

That quote alone is enough to make me feel so inadequate to embark on this thing called motherhood. We have so much responsibility as mothers and such an impact on how our child turns out. I have really started to watch and notice the things people do and I started to realize just how much a person's family impacts who they become. Obviously it's not always the same for everyone so I may not be right about all of this, but the main person I've noticed that was completely shaped by her family is..ME. And that fact brings me enough confidence to think there's a little truth to these thoughts I've had. A lot of times…families DO pass down many things to their children that they don't even think about.

If a family hunts, they usually pass that down and the boys can't wait to make it to the tree stand. If a family has ventured out to try to camp once like mine and it was an ultimate fail, the kids usually don't yearn for the outdoors. If a family had a dog and it was a positive experience, that person usually wants a dog. If a family is into exercising, the child usually is as well. I rarely find a person that is running everyday that comes from a family who never did. Granted, in our new granola culture there may be more people, but I feel like the ones that truly pull it off have seen it done before. If a family like mine says dessert is a great thing, we never fear it…but if your family has always made it the bad guy, maybe the cake chewing doesn't go down so easily.

Everyone talks about how friendly my family is, but we were taught to be that way. My mom was super friendly and instilled in us that being rude to another person was not an option even if we felt like it. And by "instilled" I mean we got a little visit from Mr. Wooden Spoon every time we thought we could get away with doing whatever we 'felt like'. Suddenly we had smiles everywhere we went! I love bright colors in my house because it's what my mom always had and makes me feel at home. I expected to be a stay at home mom, because that's the culture of my extended family and was a priority to them all. Lots of women whose moms worked, expect to continue to work when their babies are born because that was how their family did things. Both my parents and Brian's parents never drank…and we never did, either. We followed in their footsteps and mimicked what they did. We learn by what we see!

Church and God were always major priorities in my family and it was passed down to be a major priority to me. Granted, my own relationship with Christ had to come out of it when I was a little older, but I had a very easy ramp up to find Jesus. There's never been a day that I doubted there is a Creator…because the people I trusted the most never doubted. I am so thankful that I have known since I was very young that I AM saved and there IS hope. I have never held a hopeless thought.

Private school was a big part of my parent's life growing up and then it was a big part of mine. I will keep that torch going and send my children to a private school as well and I don't think that's just out of left field…I think that was instilled. I haven't even had a second thought about anything different and I know it has to do with how I was raised and all the positive memories and experiences I hold close. I absolutely LOVED my schools.

My family says "I'm sorry" and so do I.  Being taught that I'm not always right and to apologize and forgive is one of the greatest gifts I've received.  Families that stay truly close use the word "I'm sorry" very easily. My parents have always been open and honest and talk about everything and therefore I can be the same way with Brian. My parents play and laugh together, and it was important for me to find someone that was the same way with me.

I like to dance because my mom, my aunts, and my grandmother all love to dance. I choose to do jazzercise because that's what my family does together and it holds so many good memories for me. I like to read because I saw my mom read. I've never even considered buying a bikini or wearing a low cut dress because my mom never did (and I was never given an even close opportunity) haha. I like to eat…because my family likes to eat. I have just recently found out that a salad is actually a MEAL to some people and am still a little dumbfounded, haha. I always have this WANT to be a super skinny girl, but then I realize just how much I like to eat and kind of give that up by lunch time.

I guess I just feel this huge responsibility come over me when I realize the things I don't even think about are going to really effect the way my child turns out. I am starting to try to think about what I want our priorities to be and what will be instilled in our baby without us even thinking about it. I'm trying to think about what I don't want to pass down like my fear of the highway or thinking there's a tragic event coming down my path any day now…I don't want my child to jump at every eighteen wheeler like I do. It's scary to think that a life will be watching ME to help shape who they are and how they see the world. I want to be a good mother so bad but I know that I am imperfect and will fail many times. 

My greatest prayer right now is that I will be able to make the decisions my baby needs and at least be a mother that my kids always want to come back to, no matter how many mistakes I make along the way.

*Thank you, Adulthood!*

There are some things in life that you can get away with as an adult that would have never gone well as a teenager. One of those moments happened to me this week and I was thanking my lucky stars that I have passed into adulthood. Growing up can be super scary, but I'd say it was A LOT scarier before I married Brian. Now he makes me feel safe and I am not panicking over trying to figure out my life. He does most of it for me and I am definitely okay with that. :) Even though being older comes with more responsibility, it also comes with less punishment at times….like this week for instance..

As most of you know we have recently moved into a brand new house. Everything is shiny and perfect and nothing has been tainted by people living life in it. It smells like fresh carpet and paint every time I open the door and it's an absolute wonderful feeling to be in such an amazing place. I reallllly wanted to keep it untarnished as long as possible, but knowing me…that couldn't happen for long.

I am loving our new garage because I FINALLY have a parking spot! At our last house, the car Brian is building and all it's parts had the number one spot. Now I feel happy and free because I get to open a garage door and actually drive in now that he has a huge shop to himself. Usually it wouldn't be very tight, but right now the crib and a few other things are still in the garage to be painted or moved. Because of this my driving has to be absolutely PERFECT to get my car out right. Too bad I've never been a perfect driver which should have been taken into account.

So, this is where my thankfulness for adulthood comes into play. The other day I drove into the garage and took a strong turn once I got in trying to avoid the crib. It was all fine and great and I totally forgot about it that night. Well, the next day I got into my car and confidently put it in reverse and put on the gas quickly only to hear a VERY strange "SCREEEECH" as my car started feeling like it was coming off the ground. Turns out, I had completely scraped the side of the garage and was stuck with one wheel off the ground. "OHHHHH no…." is all I could think, "That didn't sound good."

I moved forward and tried to reverse again hoping to be able to get out this time just to hear another "CRACK…SCREEECH….BANG" the moment I put on the gas.

Well, that didn't work.

So I tried to make a major turn to get my car away from the side but I just kept getting stuck for a while. Finally after a few good scratches and bangs, I made it out. I realized pretty quickly that the construction men across the street were watching the entire thing. "Hey, guys…just trying to back out of my garage…can be tricky, ya know!" I didn't really talk to them, but I'm sure they understood.

I was just happy to be out so I went on my merry way without looking at anything. Later that day after Brian got home I was getting ready for bed when I suddenly remembered what happened. "Hey, Brian!" I yelled from my room out to where he was watching tv, "I have to tell you something.."

"Oh no…" was his reply as he started laughing. He knew THAT wasn't good. "Well, I was backing out of the garage today and it was a bit tight and well…I kinda ran into the garage wall a few times and got stuck with one wheel off the ground."

He took it well. REALLY well…and that's when I was glad to be an adult. Cause…the garage is MINE…the car is mine…and everything is okay. I'm not in trouble! It's the greatest thing ever. My car unfortunately took a bigger hit than the garage wall though which is sad. But to me…the scrape across the side just looks like mud from far away. It's not too bad. That car has been faithful for almost ten years now and has heard many scrape sounds in it's day.

Only this time…it was okay and didn't come with a major consequence. Granted, Brian said we should never buy me a new car, but I'm okay with that. Because I know that I am not number one behind the wheel and it's not like I MEANT to scrape everything up. Old faithfuls are what I need and nothing more.

I think this little ole situation was a good reminder of one of the benefits of growing up. And a benefit of marrying Brian and someone that really likes you even though you accidentally without ever meaning to break in the new house.

Thank you, adulthood…thank you.

*The Moment of Truth…Cooking Edition*

Now that I am back on my feet and feeling pretty good again, I got this wave of energy to get back to working on my cooking and baking skills. I looked through pinterest to find exactly what I wanted to try and excitedly waited for today where my wonderful susie homemaking skills would be put to the test! I think I had more confidence in myself than I probably should have.

I have spent the last five hours of my life trying to bake/cook and it has been full of frustrations and failures. It took two hours in the grocery store because I have no idea where or what anything is.  Then I had to re due a cake gone absolutely wrong that was called: "The EASIEST dessert recipe ever". Then I had to run to the store again only to realize when I get back that I'm STILL missing one ingredient. Not to mention I FINALLY got something right but could not open the salsa jar to save my life. Soooo…figuring THAT out took another 15 minutes of pain and suffering when I thought I had about reached the end.

What should have taken me 20 minutes to prepare, ended up taking me many hours.

My kitchen is a wreck.

I did figure out how to make a cake and was so excited about it…until I put the icing on and the entire top layer of the cake PEELED off. What's up with that?! Do you HAVE to do the icing fresh out of the oven? I was ADD and forgot so by the time I came back it was already ruined. It still tastes good, though. Infact…I'm licking icing off a plate now trying to comfort myself.

After all that and having to sit down to take a breather and regroup...I found some deep burst of energy that kept me going. I tried one last time and FINALLY put together the Cowboy Dinner that I had been trying to do. It's kind of like Shepherd's Pie, but not exactly. I'm not sure of the difference in it, but it's meat, beans, cheese, onions, and corn underneath a cornbread topping. Sounds really good to me…I'm waiting for it to come out right now to see if I have had at least one success today. I'm really hoping so.

I am realizing that I need lots more time devoted to this because it's a serious thing of trial and error when you have NO history of cooking or baking at all. It takes three times longer than the recipe says when you take into account having to clean up all my messes and mistakes and going BACK to the grocery store to get things I botched up the first time. I won't have time to do all this when the baby comes, so I guess I need to do it now? That thought made me push through.

Hopefully this  concoction in the oven right now will work out. If I don't have something to keep me going other than this pre-made icing, I don't know if I'll find the strength to go on with this. But I know I need to….let's hope that I am amazing one day and look back on this and laugh. And maybe..just maybe tonight will be a success. It's about to be the moment of truth.

*YES*

Reading the word "YES" has never meant more to me than it did the day I found out I was going to have a baby. Those three letters meant that my life was going to change forever and that things would never be the same. Even now..when I've only known about my baby for a short time, I still wouldn't go back to the day that I didn't know. I already feel an overwhelming love and thankfulness that I am going to have the opportunity to have a child of my OWN. I've deeply loved many children in my life so far…but this time it will be different. This time I won't have to say goodbye at the end of the summer, semester, or year. This time…the child is going to belong with us.

That three letter word was a word I've wanted since I can remember. I promise you there has never been a baby on earth wanted more than our baby is wanted right now. Both Brian and I have had nothing but excitement and joy over our baby and maybe that's why God blessed us so early. The only career ladder I ever really wanted to climb in life was to be a stay at home mom and I'm finally getting to do that.

God is already teaching me a lot through my child and I can only imagine how much more I'll grow because of it. I think any new mom in this very early phase begins to worry about what might go wrong. Women are experts at worrying and it's heightened when a baby or child is involved.

So of course the other night I woke up and kept having these anxious thoughts and feelings about what might happen. I started praying about it and the Lord taught me a great lesson in the middle of the night. He showed me that my baby is not "MY" baby…it's HIS baby. That He has a special plan for this person and that it's not my job to worry, but it's my job to give the baby up to God even now. God made me realize that He is with that child right now just like He will be everyday of the baby's life even when I can't be. As hard as it is…I have to force myself not to worry about the worst. I have to make myself realize even this early that I do not have full ownership over this baby, but I am blessed to be able to keep God's own child in my home and help raise him or her to be what God has planned long ago. I have to trust God with whatever may happen and realize that His will is best and that my worrying won't change anything. I have to cling to the promise that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him.

I know that having a baby will be one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever been through and I'm so thankful I have so many people to go to for advice!! I have been surrounded by wonderful mothers and great examples for many years and I'm so thankful for all the good I've gotten to see. It's also a mini baby boom these days, so tons of my friends are having babies, too! We're in this together!

It's such a fun and exciting time and I am enjoying every minute before the sickness hits. Because well….I am too much of a realist to not realize what I'm in for. I kinda feel like I'm on the slow up hill of a roller coaster before it flings you around. Trust me, I am making sure to write this heartfelt post before the grievances come. But even so….I am SO ready for this baby. Even if it will take my sleep and time and be very hard work. I will take the negative any day because the positive in having a child far outweighs it all. (And you are probably forced to be the Proverbs 31 woman at least a little because you HAVE to get up before dawn. I could use the push.)

I say it all the time and I'll say it again….I know that my kids are going to be the most important people in my life next to Brian, so I never wanted to wait. Life is short and I'm ready to meet a person who is going to matter to me more than I could ever imagine.

*What's best after all*

Sometimes the worst part of something is all the worry I feel before it happens. More often than not, I over worried and it's not as bad as I thought. By the time I realize everything will be okay, I've already filled a room with tears and gotten a few extra pounds from emotional eating.

Before I moved here, I thought my world would completely fall apart. I thought nothing existed outside the amazing hills and greenery that was Arkansas. I had many emotional fits leading up to it just KNOWING that I would constantly miss my old life. But I knew deep down, that if I didn't leave…that would be much worse. I knew I had to go because life without Brian would be the bleakest life of all.

Too bad for me then, I had no idea the move would be one of the happiest things that ever happened to me. I listen to stories of people who have moved before me and how horror filled it can be and I think for sure even worse will happen to me. I can be so dramatic and pessimistic sometimes. Luckily half the time I throw a fit that even Hollywood would be proud of, Brian just laughs. Anyone else would run in the opposite direction, but sometimes I'll have a random dramatic moment and Brian will just start laughing from the pit of his belly. Or he'll do the opposite and pretend to take me seriously and hug me when I'm being ridiculous and takes the cue that I am SUPER serious this time. He knows which is which and is pretty good about that. He is what I need in so many ways. He reminds me not to take life so seriously. Maybe I do get kinda over the top sometimes, but luckily Brian never does. Dad always said I'm like a roller coaster and I need someone who will just stand there and laugh at it instead of taking the ride with me. That's exactly what I found. :)

The city is now moving from one big mesh of confusing streets to actually making sense. I'm finding that I love the flat land and how open it is…it makes me feel like I can breathe. It makes me feel like running into a field and opening my arms wide and turning in circles like an old House on the Prairie episode. It's an acquired taste, but once acquired you never want to leave. It's an incredible place for so many reasons, but the FOOD. AHHH…the food is SO good. (And I'm not just talking about my cooking….it really has gone up in quality since we last spoke)

The restaurants here are endless. Anything you could possibly want is in your reach and not only that…it's the best kind of food you've ever had. You think you've had great Mexican? Not until you've come here do you even have a shot at knowing what great Mexican is! You think you've had great pizza?!?! You are mistaken unless you've eaten at Hideaway pizza!! I DREAM of their ranch dressing at night. Sometimes Brian takes me on a rescue 911 pizza run…and I really feel like I can't live without it in that moment.

The people here are SUPER nice. It's a Christian/country culture that just makes you feel good inside. I live in a place that has a country feel, but I'm so close to a big city. It's the perfect combination.

I don't have a hoppin social life at all. In fact…I'm pretty much alone during the day other than being with the two kids I babysit here and there, but it doesn't bother me. I have my best friend at the end of the day and time to do things I didn't before which is nothing to complain about. When you've gone from a life of utter chaos and constant work, to a slow one like this…the refreshment can't be described in words. I know my life will not always be like this and when we work the hardest is when we are doing some of our most important things we will ever do. I welcome that. But sometimes..getting more free moments and having time to get closer to God before the next phase of hard work is just what we need. And right now…this is my time.

I've joined a BSF bible study here recently and it has been great. The moment I walked up for the first time, so many women ran up to me and hugged me and made me feel at home. The warmth and inner happiness they gave me is something I will never forget and honestly never had to need before. Going in as a stranger was NOT awkward at all…how can that even happen?! I thought I'd just sit alone during the talk, but women from my small group surrounded me and wouldn't have that. They made me feel so welcome and like they wanted me there more than anything. In that moment, the reminder of the ministry of friendliness and bringing in someone you may not know spoke louder to me than it ever had before. I needed that so bad, and those women were there to give me that. Never let anyone make fun of you for being "too friendly"…because those overly friendly women have given me so much comfort.

I've always had tons of people I know and my friendships have lasted years. I rarely met anyone in my old town that I didn't have a connection to in some way. I had a reputation because of my family or what people heard about me. It was easy to connect to people because it's almost like they already knew me before they really did. "OH!!! ABBY! Ya, I know YOU! I LOVE your family! Your grandpa delivered my baby! OH YA, I've known your mom for YEARS! My kid knows someone in your class and they said you are *Insert whatever comment here*"

It's kinda strange having to build from the ground up. Nobody has heard any rumor of me or know where I fit in because I have no connections. That has been an interesting thing. I always wonder what people's perception of me is because with that little of information, it can't be exactly right. It's only bits and pieces of a puzzle that can only be half correct.

I do miss being the Abby from back home sometimes because I don't feel like that anymore. I always defined myself by my work or school and it was neat having the bubbly teacher persona that people seemed to love. Now that is gone and I'm having to figure out who I am without a job defining me. Without people constantly giving me feedback which is something I got used to. Who am I when that fades away? Who am I without teaching? What do I love to do? What is important to me when I don't have something obvious to focus on? Who am I when I'm not forced to do something? What do I do when given total freedom? What do I choose to do? Who am I going to be? I know I'm not who I will be in five years…because I'm learning new things everyday. Things I never had the opportunity to learn before now.

It's a fun new thing trying to figure all this out. And it reminds me that change isn't always bad and that worrying is usually the worst of the battle. God is there with us wherever we go and gives us the mindset and power to do whatever it is we need to do at the time. And more often than not…things that we never thought would be good for us (like moving)…turn out to be what's best after all.