Friday, October 15, 2010

*You don't know me like that!*

I'm very sad to report that the Alfred Angelo store is not only a disappointment, but the most frightening shopping experience I've ever had in my life. It didn't take long after getting into the store to realize that there was something fishy going on. Immediately a scary lady came up to me and got way too close to my face.

"We have to hurry up because there is an appointment at five!" boomed a lady of clear self imposed importance. "It's okay..I'm a pretty independent person. I like to look and try on things by myself anyway." She looked down her nose at me. "NO! WE do not let you do things on your own here at Alfred Angelo! NOW WHAT SIZE!!!"... What size?! Do you have to ask it so harshly, lady? Could we have a little small talk first to ease the pain? And could you please give me a little personal space?

She then proceeds to tell me that I have to come out after trying on every dress so she can put her hands all over my back with these fabric clippers. All I could think was: "You don't know me like that, woman! Nobody knows me like that!!!" It was completely and utterly OUT OF CONTROL! Then she told me to take off my pants and shoes and I raised my voice a bit:"NO! NO, NO, NO!!! I will NOT take off my pants and shoes!!!!" I couldn't even act like I wasn't freaked out. Has she ever heard of something I like to call HUMAN RIGHTS?!

My eyes got as big as the half ton man on TLC by this point. I thought I could find safety in the dressing room, but I was mistaken."Hang up every dress after you try them on! DO you hear me?"....DO I HEAR YOU!?!?! Pretty sure I couldn't stop hearing you if I tried!!! Did I mention the tight three garment rule and how she treated me a like a hoodlum? How about the fact that she acted like I was lucky to be in Alfred Angelo and I felt like I was catering to HER. She badmouthed David's Bridal some too and David is the man.

We both decided it wasn't even worth trying on anymore and left immediately. I would not be surprised if she vacuumed up the floor where we stepped and sent us a "you're welcome" card for allowing us to be in the presence of such "greatness". Not okay.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

*I wondered what it felt like*

There I in my own little daydreaming world doodling on my notebook when I heard the teacher say something very unexpected:"If you are confused and need to see how to do the report correctly, just refer to Abby's paper." (Insert RECORD SCRATCH/BACK TO REALITY moment) I looked up from my doodle and quickly scanned the room to see if there was another Abby I was unaware of. Then I noticed a paper that had been handed out to me earlier but I was too busy drawing to look at. 100%?!?! So it wasn't a mix up...the teacher had actually told the whole class that I was a go to girl. Me...put it on the record.

Once I realized what had actually happened, I said to the class: "WOW! That has never happened to me before. I've always wondered what it would feel like and it feels even better than I imagined!" The class laughed but I was being totally serious. It was super awesome to have my named called out for something other than a lunch ticket. For that moment in life...I ruled.

Another "pigs really can fly" moment happened this week as well. A guy came up to me at church on Thursday and said: "Hey, were you the girl running on ___ street yesterday?" I started laughing so hard because YES!! I WAS!!! I totally told him that I was that sprinter and I could say it with a clear conscience.

Only thing is..I was actually playing a prank on Molly and Logan at the time. I told Molly that I was a runner now and so I dressed up and got ready for what looked like a run. (I was actually just gonna go on a contemplative walk to listen to my new itunes, but she had no idea)

So I started on my walk, but knew full well that Molly and Logan would be driving up soon. When I knew they could see me, I started to SPRINT as fast as I could for a long time until they were out of sight. I actually got shin splints over it, but I totally had them fooled! "WOW! Abby really takes her running seriously." thought my shocked sister. Too bad I paid the price and have been in utter ruin ever since. At least a guy at church totally thought I was one of "those girls". At least he even asked me, that in itself is compliment enough. haha

Truth is, I really have done better in school and exercised more than ever before and it makes me realize that we do have what it takes to change ourselves for the better. I have been trying to be more of the person that a teacher would refer to, and it actually came to pass. I love to realize more and more how we can reach an even higher potential than we ever imagined thanks to the strength and support that comes from Christ!

But don't worry...I won't ever change TOO much. Life is just more fun when you don't take life soooooo seriously. (aka obsessed with school or working out allll the live long day.) I am Abby and I always will be Abby which is fine with me. Like I said a few days ago: "The Pumpkin Patch is only as lame as you are, and I am definitely not lame." I am happy with who God made me to be, but doing well in what God has called me to do is important, too. :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

*Am I being punk'd?! NO…BETTER!!!*

I came to a new wonderful conclusion while watching "When in Rome" the other day. The first scene is the leading lady talking about her ex as he walks up behind her. He turns her around and says suddenly "I was wrong…I thought that I couldn't love someone who was so obsessed with her work, but now I know I can". So her friends are like "OH MY GOODNESS!! HE says he's wrong!!!" and they THOUGHT they overheard him saying he wants to marry her so they start the band and a big congratulatory music set arises. The only problem is..what he REALLY said was the he found a woman who is obsessed with her work and he's going to marry THAT girl. So basically the whole room is dancing around celebrating her engagement that is nothing more than an embarrassing mix up. It zeros in on her face dramatically and I related in that moment all too well.

The good news is it's GREAT that I could relate. Why would that be great, you ask? Because it means I'm being set up to be the greatest heroine of all time! (Now, I'm not talking about the drug Heroine, because Macy got a little confused on that one.) I am talking about the leading lady whose love story is worth making a movie about. The one who watches everything work out for everybody else while her life gets more awkward and heart breaking by the minute. Some people have a smooth pathway to love and everything turns out just right. But that's not the case for a heroine…no…if you look closely at romantic comedies the main character is usually the one who has gone through many tortured moments and is in a position that nobody really wants to be in. She is the one everyone prays will be comforted so they don't feel so bad about being happy.

But she's supposed to have it rough. That's why she's the heroine! What we love about her is that things work out even though she's always been the quirky girl who watches everyone else fall in love and has had her life constantly in utter shambles. She has to live an awkward record scratching life before her love story can be intriguing and fun to watch. Things may not be easy, but in the end she is the one who has a movie about her life. It wouldn't be interesting if she didn't make a complete fool out of herself and spend many nights with only ben and jerry for company. And in my case..having people figure out which one of the twins I am by grabbing my hand and saying as loudly as possible: "NOPE! It's Abby..NO RING. Are you okay by the way? How are you umm..ya know..handling things. Praying for you by the way." Am I right or am I right?

Here are some examples for you:

Never Been Kissed- the completely freakazoid girl hasn't even kissed anyone and has gone through a tortured life being a fashionless nerd. She then gets to go back to highschool and fall in love with a hottie teacher who gives her the best first kiss of her life. I know this because I rewound it a couple of times the first time I watched it. It was just too cute to watch only once.

While You Were Sleeping- weird train station girl finally gets the chance to fall in love when she she fakes being the fiance of the man she's been in love with for sometime. Smashed by a truck and unconcious, he has no way of stopping her. She actually falls in love with his brother, though, but that's beside the point. The love that came from that train wreck and her foolish lies would not be as interesting if she wasn't a creepy stalker at a train station with nothing going for her. JUST SAYIN.

Legally Blond- When she thinks she's being proposed to she's really being dumped. She has the same face I referred to earlier and it only gets worse from there. She has to start from the bottom up and her ex chooses a prude with too much seriousness in her tone of voice to marry instead. Luckily, everything works out for Elle and if it just worked out all along that wouldn't even be any fun, now would it?!

Classic Cinderella- She's gotta take her chance with the fireplace before she has any chance to take on love. Rags to riches…terrible circumstances to glorious dancing at the ball.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding- Unattractive shy girl who slowly creeps behind the counter and has never had a man even look her way finally hits her big break. Everything is terrible, and then mr. long locks walks in and changes her life forever.

27 Dresses- Girl has to watch everyone else and their moms get married while she just has a closet full of bridesmaid dresses. How disappointing would it be if she was the first to get married and everything turned out right?! BOOOORING. A movie can't be made from that weak storyline! Unless something goes wrong and the man turns out to have lied about the fact that he's actually a hermaphrodite, there's no movie to be made.

Now, I know what you're thinking…why is she even saying all this? Why does she even have to realize that she may be in the midst of being set up to be the greatest heroine in the history of the world? She's incredible and amazing and beautiful and I hear she's a prodigy child. She's single and 22 and has the world at her fingertips! And saying that would be correct. Being single and 22 IS very normal….but being single at 22 with a twin sister who is married? WELL…people tend to take that a little differently. Just ask the folks who are worried about me and ask my family how I'm doing. ORRRR ask the people who come up to me and say "WOW. You must be such a strong woman. I could NEVER do it." (insert my awkward what do I say face here)

All I know is this…..the things that happen to me are SO bizarre and ridiculous that it's almost comical. My love life throughout my life has been soo tragic and awkward that it only makes since that I'll be the leading lady one day. Infact, it makes me remember back to my first awkward/horrifying love situation in seventh grade. I REALLY liked this boy back then and we hung out a lot but he never saw me as more than a friend. But FINALLY when February came around he approached me with love in his eyes. "What do you think a girl your age would like for Valentine's Day?!" he asked excitedly. My heart beat faster and my palms became sweaty…ohhh my GOSH! Is this what I think it is?! " know, flowers, chocolates, a card or something." I said back as cool as I could.Then he looked at me and said in what felt like the loudest tone ever: "GREAT! Katie will LOVE it!" Did I mention that Katie was one of my best friends? Hot blonde with shapely firm legs. Yep. That best friend.

It's one of those things where it's like there's no way this would happen to anybody else. I even had a pinecone fall on my head when I was at my wits end a few years ago after I flung myself dramatically in the grass. It just DOESN'T happen. That's why I'm here to let you know in advance that my life story will be one of the greatest stories in the history of all time. time I am put in a situation that makes me cry out: "Am I being punkd?!"... I can confidently move forward and know that my story is just getting that much better.