Saturday, January 30, 2010

*WHAT is THAT?!*

So me and Daniel were driving back to school from a kid's basketball game when all the sudden we came upon this strange ball of fur that was chillin' in the middle of the street. Daniel slowed down and we kinda looked at it trying to figure out what it was. Is that a trashbag? Or was it an animal of some sort??? Daniel opened the car door and the ball of fur got up and started wobbling towards him. The funny, wobbly way he walked is why he got his name "Wobbles". That is until we figured out it was a girl and changed the name to "Chloe". Well, I named it Chloe, he didn't come up with that name at all.

Now, if you know me you are very aware that I am NOT an animal person by any means. There is not a positive effect that can possibly outweigh the bad of owning a pet. Daniel claims to be a dog person, but I can garuntee you that he's not no matter how much he wishes he was. I mean, we both had the heart to save it and get it off the streets but the question when we got back to his house was…what do we do with it now?! We put it in a bucket so it wouldn't poop on the floor and gave it hot dog weenies and stared at it for a while.

"I don't know what you want from me!!!" Daniel said looking into the bucket at the dog...
"Daniel! We gotta take it out of that bucket, it's not happy!" I said meaning "you" much more than "we"
"I don't know what you want from me, either!" he said back with a priceless face, haha

Basically we didn't think through what would happen AFTER saving the dog. I realize that I do have a soft spot for animals and maybe that's why I don't like them. All the emotional,physical, and money trouble that come from an animal are just horrible! I don't see the point!!! Even though I don't see why anyone would want a pet, my heart was being tugged by the poor fellow. So I grabbed a towel and picked the dog up and held it to comfort it in it's turmoil. I mean, I am a loving person and I don't want anything (even a dog) to be afraid. I text pictured my mom and she said "What aliens have obducted my daughter!?" And my dad said "That dog looks like you!" which I'm not sure how to respond to, haha. I would HOPE that I'm not so ugly that i'm cute in a weird way! lol

Anyway, I just wanted everyone to know for the record that I saved a dog today. I didn't touch it with my bare hands, but I did make efforts to make it feel happy. I am itching really bad though which makes me wish I didn't have such a huge heart. It's horrible being such a good person when it comes to smelly,flee-filled things. ;)

Friday, January 29, 2010

*Physical Science Blues*

Because of the fact that I lose ten points if I ever miss an education class, I have become really great at making it to every class. That is until Physical Science has come into the picture. When I skip a class I really can't enjoy myself because I get this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and my throat feels like it's closing in on me. I feel like the world will end if I miss that class and i'll surely fail for that one day gone. But today I am at my wits end, and I am thinking about skipping a class for sanity purposes. My mind has been going back and forth on whether I should brave the elements for my 1 o' clock science class, and here are my pros and cons for skipping…

1.) I will not have to face my teacher with empty hands which is always a terrifying experience. My homework was too overwhelming and hard that I didn't do it. I gave it a few goes and it was an ultimate fail every time.
2.) I will get to go to sleep in my warm bed and wake up with a new zeal for life. It is freezing cold outside and everyone else in Arkansas has a snow day.
3.) I may miss my teacher speaking, but it's not like I understand a word he says anyway. My brain clocks out about five minutes into it no matter what I do. Basically, I go to class and take up oxygen.
4.) This heated mattress pad is the only place I want to be right now, and I already braved the elements enough today.
5.) Life is short, and it's only one class, so why would I put myself through torture when I can be in this warm bed??? What good will come of it? I can't see any good at all. I won't learn anything and I won't have homework to turn in so the teacher will thing I'm a bum. Please give me one reason that outweighs the pros and I will go!

1.) The teacher will think I'm a horrible student for skipping class, but he will think I'm horrible for not having homework as well. At least this way I get to hide out!
2.) I have guilty feeling imagining my seat being empty and everyone being worried about my sudden illness that I do not have. But again..I'll feel guilty if I go, so I can't escape that either.

So obviously the logical thing to do is skip class, right? That's it..I've decided. I'm going to skip my Physical Science class for a personal sanity day especially since the weather is this horrendous. I do not by any means condone skipping class, and I am a much happier person if I go. That is if there isn't an impossible homework three pages long of math problems to turn in. That's when it gets overwhelming and I understand if you head for the hills. If you need me, I'll be hiding in my dorm.

*Homemade Creeks and Strange Punishments*

Sometimes I have flashbacks to certain childhood memories at random points in my day. Today I had two different lovely flashbacks to life as it was in the Pate house, so I figured why not share them? What else is there to do at 10:49am on a Friday?

Prayer Punishment: Zach-(Age 11) Molly- (Age 9) Abby-(Age 9) Pug-(Age 7)
We used to eat at Way Out Willies every single week on kids eat free night. One night in particular all the kids got to the table and began to fight and argue. The bickering lasted a few minutes until mom had enough and said: "That's it! We need the Lord to help us fight this spiritual battle!" So all the kids started screaming "NOO!!! DON'T PRAY!!!!" Now...don't think that we were prayer hating children, because we were not. But we are the type of family that prays at home, but doesn't make a big display of ourselves in public places because if we did end up acting bad it would give the Lord a bad name, haha. So after the kids begged for dad not to pray he said: "Well, the more you bicker, the longer and louder the prayers are going to be!!!" And Molly dramatically replied "You are using the Lord!! You are using the Lord!!!!" And in response my mom said "I know God will understand!" Dad threatening us with a longer and louder prayer worked. We behaved for the rest of the night.

Building the Creek: Zach- (Age 9) Molly-(Age 7) Abby- (Age 7) Pug- (Age 5)
During the pate kids homeschooling days we had to be really creative to pass the time considering recess was sometimes an all day thing. On one particular day we were all stuck out back having to come up with something to do. Not that my mom would just stick us outside, she did it so we would become "creative". So my older brother Zach decided it would be a good idea to build a creek. We had nothing but grass and rocks in our backyard but we were going to use our new found "creative" skills to make a creek happen. I mean, every house needs a creek and we sure didn't have one. Why not build one? We all grabbed a shovel and started to dig smack dab in the middle of the green grass. We dug and dug and dug until there was an enormous hole in the backyard. We decided that it would look legit if we grabbed some big rocks and lined the new hole with them. Once that was done, it was up to the hose to do the rest. We made our way through the bugs and dirt to the hose that had spider webs all over it, and drug it to the creek. We turned on the hose and let water flow into the hole for about an hour strait. We were highly disappointed when the water went down through the ground and didn't even begin to fill the hole. We had plans to get fish for our creek to have something to play with during the day. But all the hose did was make an enormous mud pit in the middle of the yard. I can still hear my dad's lawn mower suddenly stopping and him screaming "KIDS!!!!!!!! Come get these rocks!!!" for many years after. love memories.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

*God is up to good in the bad!*

January is one of the hardest months for me every single year. It's when the fun of winter has come to an end, the days are short, and all that seems to be in the future is a ton of work. Not to mention it brings back harsh memories of the past that seem to pile on and make things worse. I'm the type of person that gets really sad over small things because small things may remind me of bigger things that remind of more bigger things, and then it's just one big mess that nobody understands. That's when emotional breakdowns start to happen, which I'm sure other people (girls especially) can relate to. Sometimes I wonder why I've gone through some of the things I have and it's nights like these when my eyes are swollen shut that I have nothing left to do than to cry out to Jesus who is always there to answer.

Now, you may wonder why I am so open about things like this, but it truly is my belief that people who are vulnerable are the ones who can help other people the most. And if I'm going to have to feel this way, then I'm going to at least try to use it for a greater benefit. I refuse to let the enemy get me down without me doing something good with it!!!!!

A few minutes ago I woke up again because I've been having a really hard night. I wanted to find some sort of comfort from the Lord and it's odd what I found when I opened my bible. There was a section that was highlighted that I don't ever remember highlighting. I can't even recall having these verses imprinted in my mind, but I do realize that I was meant to read them tonight. It was all in Isaiah 53 which is quite the eye opening chapter if you ask me. It was almost as the Lord was meeting me where I was…showing me that I'm not the only one who has known sorrow. Showing me that some sorrow is part of the GOOD plan of God, and that sadness has the potential to reap so much benefit. I'm going to go ahead and type out Isaiah 53 so you will understand what I mean. Imagine me waking up with a tear stained pillow remembering back to all the times I've been rejected or betrayed literally asking God why things like this have to happen... then reading:

"3He was despised and *rejected- a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way when He went by. He was despised and we did not care. Yet it was our weakness He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down.5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped and we were healed! 6 All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on Him the sins and guilt of all.10 But it was the Lord's GOOD plan to crush Him and fill Him with grief. Yet when His life is made an offering for sin, He will have a multitude of children and many heirs. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord's plan will prosper in His hands. 11WHEN HE SEES ALL THAT IS ACCOMPLISHED BY HIS ANGUISH, HE WILL BE SATISFIED."

Now, I am by NO means saying that I am Jesus (clearly)…..but I really think that the Lord has a message in this that is really important. The greatest good plan of God involved so much tragedy, so why wouldn't a smaller good plan involve hurt? If the greatest story of all was full of pain, why wouldn't mine, too? I really feel like the Lord is telling me that my pain will not be wasted. Maybe one day I will look back and be satisfied with what is accomplished through anything that I've been through. I can honestly say that the Lord has brought so much good out of my bad. The tough part is that I have some issues that have stemmed from the past that cause me to keep everyone at arms length and get really nervous in some social situations. Not to mention sometimes I wake up and irrationally think everyone hates me or someone is going to turn on me today. I keep people far to avoid pain which in turn makes me lonely which is painful. What a horrible cycle. If anyone is let in, it's after a long, rigorous process. I gotta make sure they will still like me even though I'm a little bit crazy. Cause anyone who REALLY knows me, knows this is true! lol I can't deny it for a second!!! But I like to think that everyone has a small ticket to the crazy train. Maybe we just have a two way ticket and go there and back…not just one way which is when you are really bad off. I like to think that since I know I'm crazy…I'm not TOO crazy. Cause truly crazy people don't realize it, right? Even though there are some aspects of me that might always be a little off, I think I can overcome a lot more than I realize, and it's nice to see that the Lord's plan is ALWAYS good.

I got this thought that maybe I get this way in the winter just so I will surely have times each year when I have nothing else to rely on but the Lord. Maybe I should be thankful for nights like these that cause me to look up and not be fine because I am satisfied through the happiness of worldly things. Maybe I don't need to kick and scream with every single hurt that comes my way. Maybe the Lord is using it to draw me to Him. And maybe…just maybe….I can stop pushing everybody away because I'm so terrified of being hurt. I'm not quite sure how to do that since it's become something that I'm really good at. It's a natural tendency at the first sign of any sort of funny business to just reject people and push them away. That way they won't get the chance to reject me. It's all messed up, I know and it comes so natural. I'm sure the enemy loves it. Which means I'm going to have to fight it. I'm not sure how, but I serve a big God who is more than able, so I'll have to count on Him. I am on the winning team, an actual Princess in the Kingdom of God (who is the most powerful thing to ever exist) so I am in a good position I would say.

-One thing that I want whoever reads this to remember that is SOOO important is that GOD IS UP TO GOOD EVEN IN TRAGEDY!!!!!!!!!!! Even when you are feeling completely hopeless and everything feels bad…he is STILL good!!!! There is nothing worse for us to go through than He has already done for us. And all that pain He went through reaped so much good!!!! Because of it, we will live in eternal paradise with Him! Perfect communion where no bad thing can ever penetrate! Not many people think this way, but this is the total truth: Even if I lost everybody I loved and lost every single worldy thing, God is big enough to use it for something good!!!!!! And if we continue to serve the Lord and live out His will even if it does involve some tragedy, then we will one day look back in Heaven and be satisfied by all that the Lord has done. What I'm saying is…it will be worth it if we do not give up and faint. Everything that the enemy means for bad, the Lord turns around and uses it for good!!!!! Lord, help me to never forget that!!!!! And help people to embrace hurt and know that your plan is good no matter how grim things may seem! And that you can turn them around and bring beauty from ashes!!! And help anyone who is going through a hard time to know…..they are NOT alone! You know exactly how they are feeling and are there to comfort them. Please, show them that, like You have clearly shown me!

Monday, January 25, 2010

*Reality Check!*

My brain is always doing something. It never stops thinking or coming up with things no matter how hard I try. It's just the way I work. I am constantly making up stories and day dreaming in my head about the things around me. When I was little I used to pretend that my classroom was a stage and people were watching me at my desk. Whenever I'd answer a question it was a line in the play, and I'd prepare what I was going to say about five minutes in advance. Then I would tell myself that I had a scene coming up where I went and got a tissue, so I'd pretend it was all part of a production when I got up. Sometimes I'd even smile to the wall where the imaginary crowd was supposed to be. Then when I wasn't acting out a play, I would take my markers and make kick lines and dance teams out of them. I also had a reoccurring daydream that my desk floated out the window and I got to go home. This is just a little insight into that chubby,toothless, bow wearing student I once was.

Now, I may not make my markers into kick lines or imagine people watching me on the stage anymore, but my brain is still dreaming all the time. When people say they are "bored" I have no idea what they mean. I could sit in my room alone all day and be just fine. I have never gotten bored in my life!!! When I have nothing to do, I begin to make up stories in my head and it's almost like watching a movie. And the weirdest part is, I never know how it's going to happen. I just get these stories in my head and watch. Sometimes when I'm not day dreaming of stories I go through a scene that has happened in my life. Sometimes they are the way they were, and sometimes I make them the way I wish they'd been. And other times I imagine what might happen in the future and all the things I wish could be. When I'm thinking of these things there are times that I will end up doing or saying things that are part of the story without knowing it. Like..when it's my turn to talk or do something, I might end up doing it in real life on accident. Unfortunately this happened in a public restroom today when I didn't even realize it. I'll explain.

I was beginning to wash my hands on the 3rd floor of the education building when I began to think about all the goofball teachers I've had in my life. I started to think about the kind of teacher that I am going to be and how I want to be that teacher that isn't afraid to start dancing out of nowhere or makes the kids laugh with random comments. I want to be a teacher that makes the kids want to come and feel comfortable around me. Then I started to remember back to a teach I had last semester with Elementary PE. I was thinking of things to get their heart rate up so we could measure heart rates after different activities when it just struck me...I'm gonna get them to dance! So I said "Dance, Kids, DANCE!" and then I started to dance like a crazy person..the kids faces were priceless, so surprised. They were really shy and didn't seem to want to dance so I walked through the line of kids and got them to dance with me! Finally I got them all moving and the smiles on their faces were addicting. I felt like laughing. My mind was happily immersed in that fun memory that I almost forgot where I was. I got so caught up in the thought that I started dancing in real life. I looked at myself in the mirror and started shaking around and smiling at myself. That's when I heard my education friend laughing and I realized that she had been watching me for like 5 seconds! AHHH!!!! Reality check,anyone?!!!!! Brought me back from my dreams to the current moment pretty quick!!!!

I gotta watch where I have fun memories come into my head...I figured everybody thought like I did. But the people that I've talked to today do not. It's too bad. Life is so much fun when your brain keeps you entertained.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

*Bunkmates and Trampoline Weddings*

One of the things that I have been wondering about lately is how the lakehouse sleeping situation is going to go down now that Molly and Logan are married. I was riding in the car with my dad from Conway last night and I jokingly said: "Dad, can I please share a room with Molly and Logan?!" and to my great surprise he said I could! Apparently when the preacher says "You are now pronounced husband and wife" it really is a miracle! Even I get immediate sister status. Bunkmate legal!

Now...I know what you are thinking...why would she want to sleep in the same room as a married couple? But I'm here to tell you that I really want to, because it's sure to bring a lot of laughs. I can imagine it now....Molly and Logan cuddled up lovingly on the bottom queen bunk when suddenly BAM! Abby's head appears upside down from the top bunk with awkward faces for all. What is more romantic than Abby Jane being in the middle of the moment?! NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!

I called Molly from the car and let her and Logan in on the surprise that I get to be their bunkmate in the summers! Logan is so sweet and said he was honored that I would be willing, but he has no idea what kind room mate I really am. I already have a rule list ready:
Rule #1 No "funny business".
Rule #2 Abby has to be included in all private conversations.
Rule #3 I must be tucked in and read to.
Rule#4 I like bean burritos while at the lakehouse, so deal.
#5 If I scream and snore in the night, do not wake me up.
#6 Thank the Lord before you go to sleep for your wonderful sister, Abby!

When Molly heard that I was going to be their bunkmate, she laughed and then said: "Why can't we just take the queen pull out bed in the sun room?!" and I responded with: "Sure! WE can definitely sleep in there! Y'all can choose!!!" hahahaha Wow, I love being the third wheel so much sometimes. It's hilarious.

Now onto the trampoline part of this post....I was talking with Katelind today about how I'd prefer a cheap wedding so I could keep a lot of the money and we jokingly came up with the idea of getting married on our floating trampoline. Dad would drive me out on the sea doo and I would belly flop onto the trampoline once I got there! I told Pug this and he thought I was serious and was thinking through it logically. How would I not fall in? How could we make a ramp so the sea doo makes a huge splash when it enters the water? haha Then he said we could canoe our way out, but how super awkward would that be to canoe so slow that everyone watches the departure for like an hour?! Zach said he could be doing flips on the trampoline during the sermon. How sweet. That would definitely be a day to remember. And a little redneck.

Friday, January 22, 2010

*He's Here to Save YOU!*

I am up at 4:43 am on a school night and have only gotten three hours of sleep, but I feel like I'm supposed to write something right now. Not sure what I'm going to end up saying, but I guess I'm about to see!!! I am never woken up in the night like this, so I sure hope that the Lord speaks through me in some way!!!

A verse that the Lord has really been putting on my heart lately is Isaiah 55:4 that says: "Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. The shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood will be remembered no more. For your Creator will be your husband."…..There are no words in the English vocabulary that can describe the hope that this verse gives me. First of all, the fact that any shame that we have felt from past mistakes are wiped away in the presence of the Almighty God is a clear view into the heart of Jesus.He is a merciful God that longs to make us white as snow. And the sorrows of widowhood and loneliness will be no more. He loves us enough to take away our guilt and burdens and give us a hope for a day when the utter pain of being alone and rejected will be no more. This verse talks about the destruction of shame and loneliness which are the two things I struggle with the very most, so it's a very personal and powerful verse in my life. Not only are these horrible things destroyed, but I am going to be His bride, EVEN after all the mistakes I've made!!!! Do you even understand at all how GOOD Jesus Christ is?!?!??!!

Even though I sin against Him, He still washes me clean and calls me to be His bride, His beloved. When the Lord speaks to me, He usually uses the word "Beloved" or "Love". Like the other night I felt like nobody was thinking of me or making me a first priority…I felt so utterly alone. And when I cried out to Him, He responded with "You are my first priority, love, am I yours?". That is a whole other blog to begin with, but the part that I'm focusing in on is that He calls me "love". That was not the first time!!!! In fact, it is very rare that He does not call me love or beloved. Sometimes he'll call me friend or precious daughter, but never just Abby. It's always something endearing. He talks to me like I am His bride, His prized treasure. I still have no idea why He would do that for someone as inappropriate as me, but maybe He likes to show that even the lowest have His undying loyalty available to them. I am the person that deserves it the least, but for some reason I can hear the Lord speak when people who have focused their entire life following Him cannot. We are all different for whatever reasons the Lord has, and He has chosen me to easily commune with Him. Even when I have run in the opposite direction in the past, there were still nights when He pursued me and came running in my direction. Sometimes I felt His Holy Spirit and heard His words even when I didn't want to. Like one particular night I was in a really dark place and I heard suddenly "Precious Abby, this life is not for you. Come back to me. You are my treasure." I mean…..I never hear of that happening!!!! Why me?!?! Why when I was in complete sin?!?!?!?! Why am I the one to be used?! Could it be that He wants people to see that even the ones who are the most broken can be loved by God unconditionally??? The ones that look for satisfaction in everything BUT Him?!

If we could even see a glimmer of the love of Christ, I think it would make us physically fall to our knees with overwhelming emotion. We will not see until Heaven just how good our God is. His love is so much more than our little minds can fathom. He is so much more than I'll ever dream. Yet…He chooses to be with me now, so close that I can even feel His presence in my body which shows that what I'm saying is true. When what I'm saying is not true, or my heart is not right, I can't feel Him. I sure hope that somebody reads this who needs it and gets an understanding that no matter what you've done, the Lord has the power to make you new. He wants to take away your shame and put you in a beautiful white gown and be your eternal husband. There is nowhere to hide from this incredible love the father has for us. And all of my mistakes that I've made have already been separated from the east to the west, and He is even merciful enough to use all the bad for my benefit. He works all things together for my good because I love Him. Every promise that He makes holds true. One day all the shame of this world will be long forgotten and the loneliness will be wiped away forever. We will be His bride and live happily ever after, just as our hearts long for.

I like to imagine Him making me into the person I am supposed to be in Heaven and giving me a white wedding dress with a big bow on the back because He knows me well! He knows I gotta have that bow!!!!!! There's a picture that my sister has in her room that is of a girl in a dress that is tattered and torn. She is really dirty and has scratches all over, and tears streaming down her face. But through those tears she's looking up with a small speck of hope in her eyes and Jesus is lifting up her head with His strong, gentle hand. He's come to save her. It's hard for me not to cry when I see that picture, because that broken girl is me. Some brokenness by my own sin, and some from the hurt others have brought into my life. All of the things that have gone on made me into this shattered person, but the Lord has taken His sweet, strong hand and lifted my eyes to Him. I may still be broken, but my eyes are no longer looking down. My eyes are lifted to Him and filled with hope.

I am not the only one He's come to save. Maybe He's trying to save you right now, and you aren't taking that hand. I really wish that everybody would respond to Him. There is no sin that He doesn't have the power to overcome. What's more important to Him is you falling in love with Him. He just wants YOU. Look up…look to the One who is here to save you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

*Safe Hugging and Health!!!*

I am by no means a touchy feely person and I seriously go days and weeks at a time without a single hug. Ever since I was little hugs have not been that enjoyable to me. There is one home video where I'm two years old and I have a playmate over and she tries to hug me and I start screaming like I've been shot in the foot! Of course, my mom spanked me enough that I had to stop doing that, but my natural response is to scream bloody murder. Even now as I was beginning to write this, Katelind came in and gave me a hug from behind and I screamed just like I used to when I was a baby. It was a natural scream from the depths, I didn't even have to try. I just don't enjoy my bubble being entered! Especially from behind or without my permission!!!! Talk about SCARY! The only hugs that I partake in are ones that are started by someone else and sometimes I find a way to dodge that situation as well. Hugging has so many opportunities to become awkward if you ask me. If you don't have chemistry with someone, even girls, the hug is going to take a turn for the worst. Like when your cheeks end up touching because both the heads go the same way, or when the shoulders hit at the exact same height and the hugging is all wrong. Somebody needs to have their shoulders higher or the awkward moment is going to be substantial. I also got a hug from a boy that had really bad B.O. and my shoulder smelled disgusting for the rest of the day. I poured anti-bacterial all over my shoulder, but it didn't even make a dent in the situation! I don't do bad smells. I don't do awkward moments well, either. Hence, why I never hug. I am also not made that way so it's not at the for front of my mind. When I'm dating someone I think to hug, because it's natural to me, but with everyone else it's like a horror filled moment waiting to be had. So as a single girl my hugging life is next to zero. I think of all the things that could go wrong and that's why I avoid hugging altogether. I've never thought twice about it before until now.

A boy came up to me in the library today and said plainly "Can I please have a hug?". My stomach kind of dropped a little…oh no….I hope this doesn't go bad. It didn't go bad, it was fine, but he took a deep breath and told me to do the same. He said it was theraputic and would keep the mental health going strong. BALONEY was all I thought. NO WAY. But I got back to the room and did a little research and so many doctors says that he is right! Apparently hugging is very healthy and people who are hugged on a regular basis are twice as less likely to have mental health issues. Not only that, it lowers blood pressure and stress! Who knew?! Not me! I never think about it! There was also a study on holding hands and stress and it showed that people who hold hands are much less stressed than people who don't! But apparently holding hands with a stranger does not help, it has to be someone you love. So Katelind's hand will hopefully be at my disposal on a daily basis. And Macy has the best hugs in the entire world, so I'll have to swing by her room daily. It's not like if you go out and hug a random person you will stay sane. This hug must come from someone you really care about. And that kind of hugging does worlds of good to a person! If there's any opportunity I find to stay sane, I'm going to do it! Even if it means going against my natural tendency to stay far away from other people. Because staying sane is pretty important I would say. I am super stressed all the time, and I NEVER hug, so maybe that's my problem!!!!!! But I'm definitely not going to go hug joe blow off the street, because my hugs are special and the germ factor also comes in. When you are closer to someone the germs don't seem to matter as much. It's like a miracle. Love…love even makes bad smells smell good…if that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is!!!!!

Anyway, I just want to make sure that all my friends out there go and get a hug today. Preferably not from a creeper, because they may get a little too much happy from it. Make sure it's not a sicko and someone that you care about. Let's keep it PG here, people. We aren't free for alls. But we ARE healthy!!!! So let's do the healthy thing and hug a pal!!!!! And if the hug goes bad, take note, and hug somebody else next time! Or try it again, maybe it was a mishug and you really can have amazing hugs but that moment was just an epic fail! Don't be like me!!!! HUG HUG HUG!!!!! I've hugged today and I'm feeling GREAT! I hugged Macy all the way across campus!!! The worlds best hugger! No wonder I'm feeling good!!!! HUG!!!! HUGGING is the secret to success!!!!! But there are definitely some rules to follow to be safe!


1.) Ask permission before hugging
2.)A hug is a gentle embrace, not a Heimlich Maneuver
3.) Be "in" the hug, don't just simply go through the motion
4.)Don't hug a creeper….enough said there
5.)Don't hug tons of boys (A classy lady is an attractive lady)
6.)Take tons of showers and add lotion and perfume and brush your teeth many times a day to make hugs enjoyable and not a nightmare

"It's wondrous what a hug can do.
A hug can cheer you when you're blue.
A hug can say, "I love you so"
Or " Gee, I hate to see you go!"
A hug is "Welcome back again!"
And "Great to see you!"
Or "Where've you been?"
A hug can soothe a small child's pain
and bring a rainbow after rain.
The hug there's just no doubt about it,
we scarcely could survive without it.
A hug delights and warms and charms,
It must be why God gave us arms!"

Saturday, January 16, 2010

*Signature Dance Move*

I never knew I had a signature dance move until now. Yesterday when I was waving my arms side to side like a Mexican Chiquita Katelind said: "You know Abby likes a song if she does her signature dance move!" Signature dance move?!?! What are you talking about?!?!?!

She laughed at me and was SHOCKED that I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently I used to do it in high school all the time, and bring it out when a good song comes on now.I have never been made aware of this before.

In my move I take one arm and put it strait up and put my elbow on the arm that's strait across and shake my arm and my head. I know that's a really bad explanation, but it's the best I've got. But apparently it's my "signature" dance move and it is shocking that I've never known about it before. Apparently it's been making an appearance for years.

I bought a leather journal that already looks old and tattered to give me a better chance of being a historical figure one day. It already looks like an artifact and I haven't even done anything to it!!! Abby...the future historical figure in the making. Just wait and see. Actually, you won't be able to, because my fame will be far beyond our years of life. That is all. Goodnight.

Friday, January 15, 2010

*Three's a Crowd*

There are times in a girl's single life that she is more aware of her singleness than others.You know, those moments when a girl becomes the third party, the one who makes what was a loving moment into an unwanted crowd. Well,tonight was one of those nights for me. Let me explain....

Me and Kate decided to try out the new Sushi Cafe that everyone has been raving about. We figured out why everyone is raving later from the awesome food, but also from the enormous crowd that was waiting for a seat. This place is extremely small with a ton of people crowded around the door from lack of space. The line of waiting people is really a bother to those trying to enjoy their food. I'm sure the people that got their plates sniffed while I screamed "YUM" were deeply dissatisfied with their environment. So I decided to try to move out of the way and squeeze into the middle of the restaurant as that romantic song "Baby, I'm amazed by you" came onto the loud speaker.

At that moment I looked over at Kate and she was being stared at longingly by half the men in the place. "OH, WOW!" I said out loud because of how shocked I was at the blatant eyeing of my best friend. Of course, there were no boys looking my way seeing as my hair was so frizzy I think it was touching both walls of the restaurant. I was still completely in the way, so I scooted and scooted until I ran strait into the bubble of a loving couple on a romantic date. They were in love, true love, and this date was going to prove it. "Baby, I'm amazed by you" was on the loud speaker and everything was perfect...except for one thing. As they stared into each others eyes they began to feel someone staring at them. That person was me. I was literally shoulder to shoulder with these two because of how small the wait area was. I looked awkwardly back and forth at both and said "Go on! Don't mind me!". At that point I would have started to whistle to make it a more natural moment, but I don't know how, so I was out of luck. They moved on with their moment and hugged each other close, then backed away with hands intertwined.That's when it happened. He began to tell her that he wished he could wear her clothes so he could look half as pretty as she does. SCREEEECH!!!! What did he just say?!?!

"Excuse me, Sir, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation" I said in an amused tone. "Wear her clothes, huh?". Their romantic moment was busted. BUS-TED. I had totally ruined it. I'm sure they couldn't agree more with the saying "Three's a Crowd". I realized what I had done and quickly tried to salvage the situation... "I mean!!! That is romantic! You think she is so beautiful in her clothes and you want to be beautiful, too! AW! How wonderful!!!" Thankfully the waiter called for me and Kate to come sit!!! Talk about saving my sanity.I could have kissed that waiter for getting me out of that moment if I wasn't an upstanding girl with values and purity on the brain. I'm sure the couple felt the exact same way.

Next we sat down and the sushi maker looked at me while snickering to his friends and said "Hola Chica Bonita, Que Pasa?". He didn't expect me to know what he said, but too bad for him, he didn't realize that I am a super smart girl in Spanish II!!! "Guess what!!! I am in Spanish II and I totally know what you just said!Hey pretty girl, what's happening?! Snicker no more!" His friends started laughing at him and he got embarrassed, but I didn't mean for that to happen, I was just happy Spanish was coming in handy. And also happy that a random sushi maker might call me bonita on a night like tonight! Why was a sushi maker speaking spanish anyway?! That was actually what was going through my head at that point. And as creepy as it is for a randar man to stare and speak to me in spanish, I think the Lord knew I needed to be called bonita after the third wheel incident/watching my fit friend get all the stares. I can always count on the Spanish speaking men for a good pick me up. Gracias, chicos. That is all. Goodnight.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

*Ultimate Creeper*

So I walked into my house after a night with the bridesmaids to find Molly's room completely empty and quiet. It looks nothing like it used to, and all the old memories from our past came crashing down around me at once. I accidently opened one of her presents because gifts is my love language and I really needed to feel some love. I'm sure she'll understand. I hadn't been emotional at all, so it was a shock to realize that all these emotions poured out when I got home. And when I'm upset no reason comes into the picture. So I called Molly and was actually expecting her to pick up…on her honeymoon night. Am I the ultimate creeper, or am I the ultimate creeper? That is all. Goodnight.

Friday, January 8, 2010

*Twas the Night Before the Wedding*

The only way to explain how I'm feeling right now is surreal. My sister is getting married tomorrow!!! MARRIED!!!! TYING THAT KNOT!!!!! And never living in this house again! It hit me all at once when we were rehearsing for the wedding and Molly and dad came down the aisle to "Here Comes the Bride". I mean, this is it. No turning back. Things are going to change.

I talked at the rehearsal dinner tonight about our old days of pretending that our bedposts were our boyfriends and all the dreams we used to have. The days when we'd imagine in our minds who that special man would one day be. Molly is getting to see that in the flesh and watch those dreams come to pass. Although I think Weddings are much more stressful in real life than they are in our dreams. A lot more goes into it and stress has been our buddy lately. Well, I say "our", but I really mean theirs. I have not been stressed at all!!! I've just gotten a lot of fun and attention and haven't really done anything. Being the MOH is so much fun and stress free. At least for me anyway. But even though it is a stressful time, I know that she is completely in love and so happy to find that perfect man for her. They really were made for each other and God is going to bring glory to His kingdom through their marriage! I am excited to see what he has in store!!!!! Molly has gotten something much better than her bedpost…she's gotten a real live boy who follows the Lord and loves her so much! I am so excited for her!!!!!!

Me and my bedpost…we are still tight. That's about the closest thing I'll have to a boyfriend for quite sometime. But that's okay, because the Lord will show Himself faithful in my life along with Molly's. His plans are so wonderful and His timing is perfect! I feel nothing but joy for what's going to happen tomorrow!!!!! It's going to be fun!!!!!

I really hope that my hair looks good tomorrow!!! And that I don't look like a train hit me because I'm only getting like five hours of sleep! You know what's funny to me??? Girls can look so glamorous and gorgeous one second and then the next we get out of the shower with make-up running down our face and hair in a huge bun looking a crazed fool! And to get looking beautiful we all have these big curlers in our hair!!!! Not the best look. And then at the end of the day we look like a train wreck because of the make-up we use when the shower water hits it. Raccoon eyes or zombie freak show is what I see in the mirror!!! I almost screamed tonight since I used more make-up than usual. It was like creep girl walkin!!!!! ACK!!!!! GOODNIGHT!

Monday, January 4, 2010

*That's a Sidewalk Dressed as a Road!!!!*

A few people have suggested that I write a post on my horror trip back from Nebraska yesterday, but it is too new to write. There hasn't been enough time that I'm laughing about it, so just wait a few days and we'll see if I get some inspiration.

Speaking of inspiration...after seeing my extremely thin cousins in their bridesmaids dresses, I have had a bout of panic and decided to exercise today. A few posts back I was talking about how I was going to exercise and eat better over the break before the wedding, but that didn't work out as planned. The plan was basically like a plane flying happily in the air only to crash and burn into the ground the next day. If the wagon is the diet I have fallen off and been run over a few times. But today I actually did do some exercising and it was quite enjoyable if I do say so myself. I have never used an ipod before when jogging..okay walking...and it really made it a lot better!!! And the cute boys on the big fam bridge were easy to run after and they even helped get my heart rate up. It's a great way to exercise. I realized that dropping a few dollars is a really good way to strike up a convo with a boy running by. Just for anyone who wants to talk to someone and doesn't know how. Not that I'm a love doctor or anything..hardly!!! But that does really work. I have a few dollars in my pocket ready to drop on the ground any time there is a need. If the guy doesn't pick it up, then he's not worth talking to anyway! Drop a few bucks and they run after you very fast. Especially the ones that are exercising. They want more reasons to run, I think.

So I exercised on the bridge for a while, then it was time to get back to the house to celebrate Logan's birthday. Since I've been on vacation I hadn't driven for a while and was kind of rusty behind the wheel. "I feel kinda funny like I've forgotten how to drive!" I told Kate on the way there. It was the strangest feeling. I missed a few turns on our way and then on our way back I completely missed the exit for the highway. Luckily I saw this road that turned around and went back onto the highway. So I confidently took a left and started driving down this extremely convenient entry road when all the sudden Katelind screamed "ABBY! THIS IS A SIDEWALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "NO, it isn't Katelind!!! It's an entry road!" But then once I looked a little bit closer, it WAS sort of small to be a street. Hmmm…All these cars getting on the highway were rushing past, why was this sidewalk so close to the highway?!?! That is a smart question to be asked! What were these people thinking when they paved this road here?!!! I mean…seriously?!?! It was a sidewalk dressed as a road! Could've happened to anyone! Even Einstein would've probably taken this sidewalk thinking it was an entry to the highway! I need to call authorities about this one. It's just wrong to lead the good people of America on by dressing some sidewalk up as a road by painting it black. Katelind said it was like a bike route sidewalk or something. Bike route my behind!!! That stuff is confusing.

Gotta go….I'm exercising early in the morning….I can't believe it. Let's hope the wagon doesn't run me over this time. I DID exercise today!!! Let that be put on the record. And I realize now that I have spelled exercise wrong my entire life thanks to spell check. I've never had a reason to type it before.

Friday, January 1, 2010

*Forget the Plan*

2010 is a year that I've been thinking about for a while now. When I was little I would do the math to see when I'd graduate and my life would "begin". I knew that by 2010 I would be married to the most incredible man on the planet and everything would be paved just as I had imagined. I would graduate and live in the white house with the red door that I've looked at for years. I'd have a baby girl on the way named Annabelle and everything would be sunshines and rainbows. I know that sounds crazy, but I come from a family who marries REALLY early. Now that I'm actually entering the year 2010, I realize how immature my thinking was. I have a letter that I wrote to myself when I was eleven year old that proves my point:
Dear Future Abby,
I am sure by now you are married to a really wonderful man, so tell him hello for me. Is Annabelle on the way? Don't forget to put big bows in her hair! I hope that you are beautiful and have lots of friends. Do you still like Nsync? Do you have a lot of clothes? I sure hope that everyone loves you! You are awesome!!!!!!
Past Abby

I had a plan for my life. I had no doubts about that plan. I knew that when that plan came to pass my life would finally "start". Now I realize that holding onto something so hard is the best way to lose it. And losing my life has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Losing my dreams so many times has brought so much good in my life. Every hope lost has somehow come together to make for an even bigger hope. Everytime Satan has tried to take me down, it's only brought me further to the heart of my Jesus. Taking this trip to Nebraska has really been a great experience for me. God has opened my eyes to some of His truths and given me so much hope and joy. Just because my life isn't turning out the way I planned does not mean that I am not blessed beyond measure. The Lord has been SO good to me, even in the hard times!!! I learn so much about the heart of God when going through a storm. I have learned to trust God no matter what because He knows much better than I do!!!! Just because I see a certain situation from a human view does not give me a right to critisize it.

It's amazing how much different my mindset is and how things that were once so important to me have become less important. Sure, every girl wants to feel beautiful and loved and marry the man of their dreams, but over time I've realized where my true dreams are found. My true dreams are found when I submit to the will of my Heavenly Father and not find my worth in beauty or the love of others. My Father accepts me as His own, and I am a chosen daughter of the King who will one day dance in pretty princess dresses for all eternity with my perfect prince. But Heaven is not the only gift we receive! My Father talks in the bible about how He loves to give His children good gifts. He loves to see us smile and bring us joy. But I've realized that sometimes the gifts we need are different than the gifts we want. The Lord knows that sometimes if He gives us what we ask for it will ruin us. He loves us too much for that!!! Have you ever thought that even something that hurts at the time may be a gift from above? Next time you are going through a hardship, look at it that way! What gift is the Lord bringing out of that? He promises to work together for the good of those who love Him. Think about all the good He is going to do!!!! And sometimes when it alligns with the will of God, we may get something we've always wanted. But when we hold on too hard to those blessings WE.WILL.FAIL. Hold onto the blessings lightly. Trust God if He decides to take them away. Enjoy them while they last, and do not become bitter if they leave. God knows BEST. TRUST HIM!!!! Even when your emotions are screaming for you to become bitter! One of the best sacrifices we can give is being thankful everyday no matter what is going on!!! Thank Him! Thanking Him is such a gift in itself!!! It brings so much peace.

He is God, and I am not. I want this year to be a year where everyday I wake up and say "God, YOUR will NOT mine!". I'm done chasing dreams that have no foundation. The only way that dreams like that can have a firm foundation is if Christ is the foundation beneath them. If Christ comes first and faith and trust run rampid that's when those dreams can become blessings and help promote the Kingdom of God. Because a big purpose of my future family will be to raise children who draw people to the heart of God. Raise children who fear the Lord and bring glory to His name! It's not about the "happiness" it brings. It's not about feeling worthy of love because someone has finally said yes. It's not about getting our own desires met. It's about learning how to be selfless and becoming holy through putting others before ourselves. The core foundation is to praise the Father through the family. I am so thankful that my life is not what I wanted it to be. Because I want my life to be exactly what the Lord wants!!! And right now He wants me in school another year working my tail off!!! And sometimes being so busy with school is lonely. But that's where I am, and God has His reasons!!!! He is GOOD!!!! His love endures forever!!!!!!! Reguardless of if I get what I think I want. Forget the plan. God's got it under control. :)