Friday, June 13, 2014

*For Brian's First Father's Day!*

A long time ago, I made a promise to myself that I would only marry a man that would be an amazing father to my kids. I wanted to find someone that would love them as much as I would and go out of his way to be there for them through life. I needed to find a husband that saw babies and children as treasures and didn't see them as a burden but something to be
desired and a wonderful addition to life. I had to find a man who would put God first and would lead my children towards Christ with his teaching and example.

I tried to picture what a man like that would look like as my husband and even had my doubts that there was someone out there for me like that. But then Brian came into my life and has once again turned out better than I could've ever dreamed. He is exactly what I was looking for only better. He has met everything I needed for myself and has all the qualities I was looking for in a leader for my children and myself and we both had a heart for starting a family from early on.

About a week into marriage my begging for a baby started: "Please please please, I want one SO bad!" "Me too...but can we wait until after tax season?", was always his reply.

Finally two months in, I got him on board and we were both super excited. He let the logic of waiting till tax season go and that parent heart overtake. We were on a track to have a baby before our first year anniversary and it was completely our decision! Now, you won't find that everyday and I'm so thankful I married a like minded man. He wanted a son as much as I wanted one and as parents, we are the perfect fit.

All throughout my pregnancy, he was my hero time and time again. He sacrificed so much for us all to get to be together right now and I can't thank him enough. I seriously have no clue what I'd do without my baby Beau and he'd say the exact same thing. I asked him if parenting was a great as he thought it would be, and he said it's so much better. I can I not be absolutely head over heels for a man like that?!

He is SO sweet to Beau...every morning he is the one to get him out of his crib and Beau kicks and smiles when he sees him. We put
the little guy in the middle of a parent sandwich for about fifteen minutes to love on him before Brian leaves for work. It's definitely a favorite time of day for all three of us. Beau thinks Brian is the funniest person in the world. (And he is!)

Brian is SO helpful and is willing to do anything we need. He gives him baths, feeds him, plays with him, comforts him during shots, gets him in the middle of the night when he's scared, and cleans up blow out diapers....he truly does it all! Not only that, he has never complained once-not even in the newborn phase! I know that sounds like it can't be true, but it really is!!! He does NOT complain about much. I haven't heard him complain about anything except for basketball refs since I met him. He stays super positive and isn't a negative person at all. He is the most patient, kind, and hardworking man that is always thinking of his family first.

He allows me to not be stressed out over things outside of Beau so I'm able to focus on him and truly ENJOY this special time. He is happy just knowing we had a fun day even if he's in the trenches working hard all day to pay for the fun.

He always wants to spend time with Beau and has never once acted like he is a burden in any way. He isn't ready for him to go to bed because he loves spending time with him so much! It's the best feeling in the world having a partner in parenting who loves a baby just like I do. He is seriously the sweetest heart melts on a daily basis.

Brian deserves SO much more than a Father's Day to celebrate who he is as a dad. When I write about him, he sounds like he isn't real but I'm married to him and he truly is just that great of a guy! I still can't believe how much I've hit the jackpot.

I am thankful knowing my children will be loved by one of the greatest men who ever lived! He is everything anyone could ever want in a father and more. He is my hero, and he's Beau's hero, too. He takes care of us as a family so well. He leads our family in a gentle, caring, and very capable way that makes us all feel strengthened, safe, and sure.

I love him with all my heart and I still can hardly believe he's mine. :)

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

A Homebody Without a Home

Well, it's 4:03am and I have no idea why I'm even up and writing this sentence right now.

Ever since we've been homeless from the time we moved our stuff to the new house (that is not officially ours yet), Beau wakes up wanting to get in bed with me about now wondering where he is. I guess I'm just programmed to be ready to get him and let him know things are okay. I'm kinda sad to miss out on that tonight, but I'm glad he's able to sleep. I think I need the comfort of the normalcy of him right now just like he needs me, too.

Our closing date was backed up two more weeks, so right now we're just waiting for the old house to be settled with not nearly enough clothes packed. It's the weirdest feeling not having a home right now.

I mean homebody is not my middle name- it's my first name! I literally stay in my house for weeks on end without seeing the light of day and anyone close to me can attest to this. I don't mind missing out on anything in this world if it means I'm in clean sheets and pajamas in my own home. I am on the edge of hermit and sometimes fall over into actually being a hermit in the dead of winter. My house is my comfort zone and not having that and being in between makes a homebody like me feel completely lost! That's why I had to come back here the day after I found out it was delayed even longer...this is definitely a place that feels mine! Even though I'm grown and gone, this is still where my name is on a plate above the kitchen table and where my mom takes care of me!

Someone I admired said something one time that stuck with me and I think about a lot for my own feelings and when I need empathy for others. She said: "You may not understand why someone else is upset about something, but if that's how they feel, validated in your mind or not-it matters."

Even though this isn't the biggest deal in the world and we've had so many great memories made because of this time, it still matters to me because of my personality and the comfort I find by having a place to call my own. I think about how Jesus never truly had a home here on earth and what that must've felt like. He knew what true home was though and that isn't in a house. He knew that Heaven was the true home and that lasting comfort comes from God alone. Maybe that's why I think about Heaven so much and always have. It appeals to me to have an everlasting HOME.

I always wonder if maybe one day me and God will be in cotton pajama pants in Heaven laughing together about all the times we hung out alone in my earthly homes together.

I sure hope so. :)