Saturday, December 25, 2010

Body Scan/Thorough Pat Down OUTRAGE!!!!!!

I am on an angry rampage about to run up to the White House myself to complain about these new airport security 'procedures'!!! More like intrusions if you ask me!!!! It goes against everything my mom and dad taught me not to do! It is more shocking and appalling than you think, and seeing the creepiest men in the world wearing gloves and staring at you is NOT OKAY!!!! I am about to tell you my personal story of what abominations I've seen in the Denver airport today! I will gladly send my story off to OBAMA when I'm done! I'm THAT mad!!!!!!!!!

Our day started out pretty good until we went by a large speaker that shouted: "If you choose to forgo the body scan, then a thorough pat down may be involved." ERRRRRRK!!! Say WHAT?!?! My eyes got super wide as I took my place in line. I had seen certain google images of the body scan earlier this week and I feel like my innocence has been defiled. It shows every nook and cranny/fat roll and I'm not sure which one is worse! I have also heard horror stories about the creepers looking at the images and reasons they have been fired. I'll leave it at that. Lets just say there was NO WAY the body scanner was gonna happen for me. Nobody was gonna get that Merry of a Christmas!!!! NOBODY!

So I get closer to the scanner and this overweight man with a scruffy beard about 32 years old is looking at the images with his mouth half open (I wish I was kidding). He is the kinda guy that probably plays video games alone on a Saturday night taking small breaks to email his internet girlfriend named Helga. Not long after I'd been in line he saw me and made eye contact. We held eye contact for a few seconds and I could've sworn he looked a little happy to see me in line. *Insert record scratch number TWO!* No way, hosay!!! The only person I'd let see me in a body scan would be a registered mother! It should be mothers only if you ask me!!! Not a 32 yr. old bachelor creepster! At least shave the creep mustache PUH-LEASE!!!! Is that to much to ask?!?!

So I decided to forgo the scan as I saw my dad step in and make a goofy face. "I want to get my piece of the money if you sell this on ebay!" he said to the security guard who was NOT laughing. Next thing I know I'm going through the metal detector as they pick Molly randomly out for a "thorough pat down". This is where human rights becomes an issue in my mind!!!!

The pat down involves a person standing in the middle of a large room with EVERYONE looking! They touch everywhere leaving nothing without some touchy touchy boomity boomity! Undies are shown, hands are flying, and people are crying! IT WAS JUST WRONG!!!!! I am so so so sooooo happy they did not choose me, because I would have been arrested and someone would have been punched. You will NOT touch me all over in front of an enormous crowd and show my undies! I mean they even stick their hands DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR PANTS IN PUBLIC!!!!!! I am NOT joking about this!!! I AM LIVID!!!!!!! AND APPALLED!!!! I am sorry I am having to say these abominations on a blog!!!! Believe me, having to use the word undies and front of pants has not been one of my dreams! I am very sad it is has come to this!!!!

I get it…safety first, but this has gone WAY TOO FAR! WAYYYYY too far! Nuhu no way is this okay with me! I hope you all are as outraged as I am, and maybe we can at LEAST get mothers to be these scanners/patters not creeper of the month! And behind closed doors even! It was like completely and utterly outrageous!!!!! What address can I send my complaints to!?!?!?!

NOT OKAY, AMERICA! NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

*Survival Mode Musts*

If you know me at all, you know that I do not agree with cold weather. Being cold makes my face blow up to twice it's size for reasons unknown. My hands look like an old ladies and my demeanor is just a little bit grumpy. I am known to hibernate in the frigid conditions and people often wonder where I am. I can tell you right now that I'll be in survival mode with no sign of a cute outfit anywhere. I will be huddled by the fire in layers of bulky clothes trying to defeat the menacing chill. Luckily, I have a list of items that help me fight through the winter and you should have them, too. We are not migratory birds, so we must use a few wonderful inventions to help battle these treacherously cold days. Here is a list of ten items that you should consider this season:

*Survival Mode Musts*

1.) Heated mattress pad- This comes in quite handy everyday of the winter. Fire it up about ten minutes before bedtime and you will have a cozy, comforting place in no time! It's also good for waking me up in the morning, because when I put it on high it literally burns my skin. Yes, I do burn myself out of bed every morning, but this is survival mode and I never said it was pretty!

2.) Blow Dryer- This can be used to warm up those freezing toes after a hard day of making it the few feet from the car to the house. It can also be used to warm up socks as'll be the best thing you ever did for your feet.

3.) Polartec Pants- These are a new item that I have purchased this year, and I absolutely LOVE them. They are made by The North Face and it makes me feel like I'm wearing a cloud. It's a nice way to keep warm and cozy around the house, AND they are stretchy so the guilt of holiday indulgence is less abrasive.

4.) Neosporin Lip Care- I have always had terribly chapped lips, but the new lip care line from Neosporin has given me hope! It heals my lips and prepares me to face any kind of adversity the weather might bring.

5.) OPI Nail Polish: "Ali's Big Break"- This nail polish is perfect for the Holiday season with a beautiful red color and a hint of sparkle. That way, even though you look super frumptastic in all the oversized polertec, you can remember you're a woman by looking at your beautiful nails!

6.) Fuzzy North Face jacket- The North Face has the softest/fuzziest line of jackets that bring comfort and support just by looking at them. When I put it on I feel like I'm in heaven and watching a Holiday movie in this fluffy friend is unmatchable bliss.

7.) Pumpkin Spice Coffee from The Fresh Market- Oh my…this coffee is the best coffee I have ever tasted and it only comes around once a year. You actually have to snag it during the fall season, but I save it for the winter! My taste buds thank me for my good choices every time.

8.) 18oS Ear Warmers- These are the best ear warmers I have EVER had! They go UNDERNEATH my hair so I don't have to go though the awkwardness of those other types of ear warming mechanisms! It is hard to tell that I have them on and they are SUPER warm! My hair day is not messed up at all, either!!! Gene Lockwood is calling your name…I can hear it now!

9.) Fuzzy socks- I never wear socks in the summer, but during the winter they are a MUST! Having them in obnoxious colors makes it all the more fun. The fuzzier…the better! Let's fight cold feet together!

10.) Space Heater- We all know the feeling of getting out of bed and the cold hitting us like a ton of bricks…say no to this horrendous occurrence and buy a space heater! This is winter…not child's play! We need to be armed with the best!

11.) Don't forget your HEAT WARMERS!!! Shake those babies up and you'll feel like a new person! You can even shake them to the tune of "Jingle Bells" to make it festive.

-I hope that you all put some of this on your Christmas list because January and February have never been forgiving. Throw some assorted gloves in there as well and make sure you only ride in vehicles that have heaters in them. Ugg boots wouldn't hurt either!

This is not a joke..this is not a drill…THE EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED! The Artic Winds have blown and we are now officially in SURVIVAL MODE!!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Three major record scratching moments have happened today alone. It's kind of a good thing, because my life was a little even keel for a while there, and that's never good for the blog.

We are getting ready for our family ski trip to Colorado next week, so we ran an errand to Jean Lockwood today. When we got home I was putting up my new ski stuff as dad walked in with a very serious look on his face. It wasn't a mad serious face, but a face was there to tell me some sort of news he'd been thinking about.

"It costs money to bring bags on the plane, so we have a big bag for ski stuff. I'd like for you to only have a carry on bag other than that." ERRRRRK!!!! EXCUSE ME?!?! "Dad! You have got to be joking right now!!! My make-up and hair bag is as big as a carry on by itself!" He started laughing and then luckily mom overheard the news of his bag idea. She said there was NO WAY she could get all her stuff in a carry on. I mean…we are women! Men expect us to look great/smell good AND they want us to save money by only packing a light bag!!! We are not immortal here! Do you think we have magic dust that suddenly brings about great outfits and hair days?! That is a big NO. It takes big bags I tell you…huge ones!

My other record scratching moment came at the lunch table when mom and dad informed me that I will be sharing a little room with my older brother on the trip. I am still terrified from the moments as a child when he had sleep terrors and it's bone chilling to think about what may happen. Not to mention it's just a little bit weird…aren't we a little old for this? Molly, why did you have to go get married again?!

Right after I learned about my new roomie a lady came up to the table and congratulated my parents on their new grandchild! "Are you the pregnant one?!" she said looking my way. "NO!" I replied with a a smile on my lips and a scowl in my eyes. I knew the day was coming when people would begin to think I'm pregnant, I just wasn't as prepared as I thought I was. Why me?! WHY ME?!?!?! ...I ask myself this often.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


The newest and most important update in my life is that I'm going to be an AUNT! Yes, as most of you know Molly is on her way to being great with child! I am very excited for this new little arrival in our family, and I know it will change our lives for the better!!! I've already been thinking of fun things I'm going to do with the baby when he/she gets older! I wonder what their favorite foods will be, because i'll have to learn how to make it! Maybe they can come to aunt Abby's house and have camp-outs in the living room like we used to do. We would throw up a tent and sleep in sleeping bags inside the house, because camping outside was not our style. We could have smores and I could write stories just for my niece or nephew! The possibilities are endless!!! Oh my goodness….shadow puppets on the tent wall! Yes, it's going to happen.

The good news is that people won't grab my hand to look at my ringless finger to figure out who I am anymore! They can just look at me and see that I'm not pregnant! I will no longer be the ringless one!!! Maybe people can just call me Abby for once!!! That would be a dream! Welcome, baby…welcome.

I know some of you are probably wondering how I am feeling about all this because well…I'm the single twin sister of the girl whose having a baby and married to the man of her dreams. My best friend Kate can be found in the arms of her love as well sending me into many awkward third wheel moments. It's kinda like an elephant in the room, so I'm going to give you word about what's going on over here. I've heard about people having conversations about me, and even got a few worried phone calls this week, so don't act like this is uncalled for. lol I truly appreciate the concerns and I will gladly tell you how I am! I am so so so so soooo happy for Molly and Logan! :) It is super weird that my sister has an entirely different life than me, but I know that the Lord's timing is the best timing. He has everything under control and things are going the way they are supposed to go! How could I not be happy with that? The Lord gives me what I need each day to keep moving forward and do His will. His grace is enough for me! And now more than ever I stand by my convictions of not settling just for anything or anyone. It doesn't matter how many babies Molly has or how many people get married around me, I am NOT going to settle for anything less than what God has for me! If that means I'm single for 30 more years, then that's gonna be the way it goes. Settling is never worth's just false security.

I have students, ninth grade bible study girls, and younger cousins that can see how I react to life circumstances. I am not only reacting for my own reasons, but for the people I love as well. I want to pave the way for new thinking. I want to teach girls that it's okay if they are the last one standing in a group of married girls. I want them to know that being patient and waiting on God's timing is the only way to go. I want them to know that self worth comes from the Lord and can't come from some guy. I know being lonely can be scary, but it isn't worth settling for a quick fix. I want them to know that if their life turns out completely different than they planned, that's okay. If you end up having to pay your own's not the end of the world. ;)

I'm finding out that God gives us reasons to be and people to love no matter where we are. And if we take life one day at a time, it doesn't feel so harsh. What matters most in life is Jesus Christ. He was there from the very beginning, and He is going to be there when everyone else is gone. When it is all said and done….God still is. I already have what I need to be happy and fulfilled. Jesus Christ is my reason for living, and therefore I can move ahead with strength and confidence no matter what life brings.