Saturday, March 27, 2010

*I was ATTACKED!!!*

I am itching and burning as I write this, so I'm sure you will get the full emotion of how angry I am at a certain horsefly. Most people just love nature and can't get enough of it, but those people are probably not the ones who get attacked in their beds.

Sometimes I need days where I read and write and do nothing else. Not often, but every once in a while for refreshment and today was that day for me. I had a new book and my heated mattress pad turned on high. I finally got into bed and everything in the world felt right. The view out of my window is gorgeous and the sun is shining in. Ah, so perfect.

That is until I heard a strange buzzing noise and saw a large creature flying strait at me! The moment it landed it started biting me violently on the neck!!!! Then it flew down the back of my shirt taking chunks of my flesh like it was free candy on Halloween!!!! My entire back started to burn with intense pain and I started running around in circles and slapping myself trying to kill the attacker!

The burning kept on and on and I couldn't find where the thing had gone. It was chilling in my shirt having the time of it's life! Abby for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!!!! Hope that tasted good cause I'm seriously about to smack you and your entire family if you ever come and bite me in my bed again!!!!! Mom and dad thought it'd be nice to keep the doors open on this lovely day. Well, we all know this is a fallen world and bugs have sin nature,too! We shouldn't trust them so much!!!!!!

People laugh at me and say I overreact, but seriously….are you the one sharing your bed with a horsefly? Is getting a nice Spring Break nap really that out of reach for me? My back hurts so bad. This was a freak accident, but I'm still so upset. I'm having to wear bugspray to bed…how wrong is that?!

*Making funny things unfunny!*

There is such thing as ruining something funny by overusing it. You know, those times when you find something that you and a person can laugh at and the day is hilarious and fun times are all around. Then the next time you see that person…they say the joke again..and it's still funny! Cause you know…that was definitely hilarious. Then you see them the next day…joke….and it's like…still kinda funny, but the question enters my mind as to if you have any other funny inside of you. Is this all you got?Can we find another inside joke already?Fourth day…joke told…it's like nails on a chalkboard.

There are definitely rules to being funny and not being funny. One of those things is not overusing a joke that went over well for you once in your life. If a joke is overused it becomes hard to listen to and I'm sorry but my fake laugh can only take me so far. I really try to fake laugh at everyone, because I'd hope that someone else would give me that same courtesy. I even laugh at my Science teacher about science jokes I don't get to try to bring my failing grade up. He loves it! He beams when he feels funny. Everyone loves it. I care about making others feel jestful. I think I just made that word up, though.

I am going to laugh at you, so please work with me here. Don't overuse a joke to try to relive that glory moment you had. It's so sad when something that was once funny is completely ruined by someone who tells the joke everyday. Ya, that inside joke was awesome that one time, and yes, we will have that great memory…but please stop talking about it already!!!! Let's come up with something new! New day, new funny! And maybe in a month we can bring up the old joke and it will be funny again. Because, was good…that one day. But for it to be an everyday statement? It's just WRONG!!!!! Foul on the play!!!!!! There needs to be a rule book.

Another major rule is never introducing a funny story or movie with "You are going to think this is so funny!". Cause I'm here to tell you that it won't be funny no matter how funny it actually is. I have no idea why, but it's a buzz kill. Many people fall into the trap of thinking that giving an introduction to something funny is a must, but really it only causes harm. If nobody laughs you can play it off that you didn't think it was funny, either. OR people can be taken by surprise and actually get a good laugh and you can be all "ME? Funny? NO!" Never try to be funny, because the moment you start forcing yourself then it's so not gonna make anyone laugh. Never think about it. Don't become something you're not. Comedians are not really funny to me, because it's planned. Planned jest is not my sort of thing. In the moment random that's my sense of humor. But regardless of your sense of humor, the introduction to funny stories just never work well. Trust me, I try to laugh at everything and when I'm unable to laugh it's a problem. I'm an easy crowd!

Sometimes if I haven't laughed enough in a day I will go back to my room and just start fake laughing as hard as I can. Then I end up getting into a giggle fit because I'm trying to fake laugh and it makes my day so much better!!! There is a laugh o meter that I have to fill up each day to move forward to the next. Only people who don't understand what I'm doing get really creeped out when they hear me forcing out a HA HA HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!! My room mates just have to get used to it. They now just act like it's nothing which I really appreciate.

Anyway, funny people of the world, please keep being funny because you make my world go round! I enjoy people who always have something funny to say, so don't be afraid to say what you feel. I'm just giving some friendly advice so that my fake laugh doesn't have to be completely perfected.

have a good Saturday! :)

Friday, March 26, 2010

*I don't want just 2 tootsie rolls!*

When I take time to actually sit down and contemplate things about my life there are a lot of things I see that I don't whenever I'm just running around trying to finish my next task. Today I've had a bit of time to be alone and listen to what the Lord is trying to teach me or say to me. I have been desperate to hear something and feel closer to Him because my life of busyness has totally gotten in the way. I feel so refreshed to have this time to bask in the presence of the Lord, but I'm definitely not liking what I'm seeing about myself.

The Lord has really pointed out to me that I am constantly on a search for something to give my heart to that feels like it will bring hope in my life. It may be a person, a dream, or just a thought about what could be. I start to beg God to bring something that will make me not feel so lonely, when in reality anywhere else I go will in the end just leave me wanting. Nothing can fill me like I hope it can. Sometimes I meet people that put a dent in my longings but they never bring about the results that I want. Even though I know that, I still feel my heart swaying certain directions in desperation of some kind of hope. Some kind of hope that the life I want is out there and I'm not just stuck forever in a place I don't feel like being. But those times I'm so desperate for something to come is when I'm not taking time to spend with my Savior! When i'm with Him, my longings fade and I feel completely loved and like I'm not so alone. I have the best teammate in the world.

True abundant life is always waiting because I have the Holy Spirit inside me that is always ready to answer my call. When I seek Him with all my heart, He truly does show up. Sometimes I get so side tracked with what I want or what i don't have that I forget how many barrels full of joy and power I have at my disposal when I tap into my relationship with the Lord. Instead of just looking for a quick fix, I need to rely on the Lord and give Him my full heart. I need to figure out a way for Him to direct where my heart goes, because sometimes I feel like I have no control.

I think that sometimes relying on the Lord is like that story about the kindergarten child. The little boy is told that he can have two tootsie rolls now, or fifty tootsie rolls if he waits ten minutes. The kid of course is impatient and grabs the two tootsie rolls because he doesn't want to wait. I feel like I live that way and so do many others around me. We see those tootsie rolls that can satisfy our craving at the current moment, and don't want to wait and reap the better benefits with patience. And I'm not even saying that my patience is for something that's going to happen in this life, because this is a broken world and I'm definitely not looking for completion where I am a fallen creature and so is everyone else. What my heart truly longs for is perfection and the perfect romance with the happiest ending ever….WELL... News flash!!!! That's not going to happen on this side of eternity! That longing I have is for the days I'll spend in Heaven with my first love, Jesus Christ!

The bible says that we will reap the reward if we don't give up and faint. That clearly shows that times will be rough and there will be points that we feel like fainting. But if I don't give up and I keep on trusting and hoping and having faith…some kind of reward is coming! My guess is that it's in Heaven, but it may be on earth…I'm not really sure. But I do know that I don't want to give up and faint and I certainly do not want to be the person that only take two tootsie rolls when I can have fifty. I gotta stop looking for perfection in this broken world, because it's not coming. But I can definitely get joy and peace from the Savior who lives inside of me and gives me the hope of eternity. And maybe in this life I will be blessed as well. Maybe sometimes things will work in my favor. But when they do, I can't hold too tightly to that, because the Lord gives and takes away and I want my heart to trust Him regardless of what is given and taken away. He knows best. I gotta remember that.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Can someone please give Hedige a handcheck?!?!

Today I got to meet Jan Brett which was really fun and exciting!!! I am so in teacher mode, because I get excited about meeting people like her. I think about all the things I can do with her books in a lesson plan, and it's really neat to meet someone that helps so many classrooms! It was worth waiting around for four hours, because she had so many interesting things to say. She even drew a picture right in front of us while sharing her inside thoughts about why and how she writes these books.Everything was wonderful about the night except for one thing….Hedgie the Hedgehog was NOT on his best behavior!

Everyone began to applaud as the hedgehog came out and wandered through the audience with fame status. I couldn't wait to take my picture with this beloved hedgehog from some of Jan Brett's books. Me and my friend Natalie waited in line until it was our turn and excitedly took our positions beside him with a big smile. All was going well until I felt something a little suspicious on my booty cheeks….to my shock and horror, IT WAS HEDGIE'S HAND!!!!!!!

My eyes got a little bigger and I started to run off, but Natalie's mom directed me to go back because the picture hadn't been taken yet. Oh, my my my……not another round, please!!!! The second time I leaned my head in and put my rear end out to the side away from those creepy claws that were trying to get a feel. Not in this lifetime, you little hedge!!!!!! Those cheeks are strictly for my future husband only!!!!! No crazed hedgehog is going to get to touch anything that belongs to my man!!! NO SIR, YOU LITTLE CREEPER!!!! You are the sole reason the word "creeper" exists!

The worst part is when I heard a convo from behind a book case about an hour later. I heard the words "Thanks for being the hedgehog today." and quickly ran around the bookcase to get a look at Mr. happy hands. You will never believe what this man looked like!!!! Greasy hair,scruffy face,ratty clothes…..full out scary stalker attire.

Needless to say I am not as in love with Hedgie as I used to be. This scary man with employment as a hedgehog has ruined my opinion of the fella. It's too bad. Hedgie is wonderful. Maybe one day I'll get over the shock of what happened today. All I know is the next time I'm getting a picture with a dressed up character I'm going to enforce a HANDCHECK!

What's this world coming to?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

*Just some thoughts*

I'm waiting for my physical science tutor to call me so I can do my homework for Friday, and I'm kinda glad for these few minutes of a break. Mostly because it's given me much needed time to spend with the Lord and now I'm watching "Luck of the Irish" on Disney which is like childhood memory central!!!!! Kyle losing his luck coin and becoming a lepracaun is good tv for sure. I love red hair and I love the Irish!!!!! And I love when Disney wips out random movies from the past! I really think the actor is great because if I had to do a serious scene about how I'm so sad I'm becoming a lepracaun, I probably couldn't keep a strait face.

I realized today that I have nothing that I love to wear that's green. I definitely got pinched, but luckily someone in my class had a roll of shamrocks on hand which saved the day. If I showed up to a kindergarten class on St. Patrick's Day without any green on I'm sure it would have been a hay day. But I wore a jingle bell green necklace and shamrocks, so it was all good. I love being festive, I really wish I would have had blinking earings like my friend did. Oh well. Maybe next year.

I had a really encouraging comment said to me today that left me feeling so good! Don't you just love those confidence boosters out of nowhere?! It came from my friend Casie in the computer lab earlier this afternoon. Ashley had gotten her engagement photos back so we were making comments on them and thinking about marriage. I started talking about how maybe I should elope because Molly kinda had my dream wedding, and it would be weird for us both to have the same one. Then someone said "Whose getting married?!" and I said "ME! Only…not now." Then Courtney started laughing and joking about one of the guys I know that winks at me and follows me around. And I was like "Ya, if I EVER get married….I have certain boys I would never date that come knocking plenty, then I have guys that I would totally date, but they don't like me!" and sweet Casie gave the best answer ever…she said: "Well you are the creme in the Oreo aren't you, Abby!" And I was like what??? And she said "The sweetest part of that situation!!!!" haha! Love her!

Today is a good day!!!!! Lady luck smiled on me on this Patty's day for sure!!! I have gotten encouragement which is always great because I try to be encouraging and say great things to people all the time, but I don't always feel like I get the same in return! Which is fine! Telling people good things I think about them gives me joy and I'm glad to do it!!!!!! But anyone who wants to text me how great I am can totally do that at any time. :) Just kidding! Well…kinda kidding, anyway. If you're willing for it not to be taken as a joke, then text away. But really….having my sister married and my best friend seriously dating an attractive, Godly doctor who we have yet to find a major flaw in is kinda hard. Especially when Kate was basically my stand in very platonic mate for a while. We look out for each other. Now she has a dashing man on her arm. But I know God has great things in store for me, even if my life is busyness and empty of many true friendships right now! The people who are going to matter the most to me I don't even know yet, so I'm not worried about it. I don't want to waste my attachment on people who aren't going to be there forever. Because when I love, I love hard! Like gonna have to saw me off your leg to cause me to be unfaithful, and then I'd probably still just love the leg I'm holding. I mean, when I truly am in love that person could do anything, ANYTHING and I'd still love them. Even like shave my head bald and run me over with a roller blade and I'd just say "do it again! you are so cute when you do that!" kinda love. I'd run fifty miles for that person and go camping for a week strait just because they want me to. That's probably why my mom prays I won't fall in love with the wrong person, because she knows as well as I do when I'm gone, I'm gone and I give my entire heart. Like actually considering living in a mud hut because I love enough to do it. That's what I do, so I can't love many people. Not everyone wants an Abby attached to their leg believe it or not. My heart only holds so many people,anyway, and I want to save it for my future husband and kids!!!!! I got a lot of love and loyalty, but very few people ever get a part of that.

Anyway, I gotta go to sleep!!!! I teach fifth grade and go to Physical Science lab tomorrow, then I LEAVE for Spring Break!!!!! YES!!!!! :D

*Getting an A in a class, but an F where it counts*

I am more than ready for tomorrow at 2pm to come so I can go home already! My life is so busy lately that I hardly have anytime to breathe! How am I supposed to think about eternity when I'm too busy consuming my life with constant busyness that is unavoidable? A busy life shuts out the Lord in a bad way! Being lazy is not Godly, where on earth is a balance? I do not believe my life is balanced at ALL right now and it's really taking a spiritiual tole on me.

To do lists have become what I read instead of my bible. When I finally have time to spend with the Lord I am too tired to even pick it up because it feels so heavy and my eyes are starting to shut. I hardly have any time to talk to people about anything other than a lesson plan and I just want to say...I miss Jesus!!!! I feel so lonely!!!! SOOOOO lonely! I wouldn't feel this way if I could just find some time to spend with the very best friend I have. Because the rare times I do have free I end up talking to people just so I can get some sort of relief from this constant loneliness! Because it is possible to get relief, and we all have our relief mechanisms, but in the end they won't take care of the true issue. And my issue is I'm lonely because my busy life has drowned out the voice of the Lord. I'm sure there are lots of things I could be doing for eternity right now that I'm not. But what I have to remind myself is that when I get into the classroom that will be my mission field. Right now I'm just preparing for the difference that I'll make in the future. Because right now I'm not making a difference. Not even a little bit. Right now I'm too overwhelmed and stressed to be of help to anyone at all, and I hate that!!!! What is it even going to matter the day I die that I just spent an hour doing Spanish homework???? I guess working at everything to my fullest as if working for the Lord is something that is good. And learning hard work and dedication doesn't come without it's benefits, but I mean.....I want my relationship with the Lord to be in full bloom not being crushed beneath the weight of this busy life I lead.

How am I supposed to further myself? How am I supposed to see where I need to change if I don't have time for that to cross my mind? It's like I'm on autopilot and anything beyond what I'm doing work-wise that day is not important to me. I am too tired for anything else to be important! I just want to have time to be still and know that He is God. I am only able to write this because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now and I'll suffer for it later...but I need to vent for my own sake!!!!! I need to scream from the rooftops..JESUS!!!! Please give me time for you!!!! I miss you!!!!! I am so lonely and useless without you!!!!!!! What will it matter if I "succeed" in this life but do not have Christ as my foundation?!?!? What will it matter if I do not know Him and lay Him aside striving for perfection?!?!?! That is not the life I want to live!!! Not at all!!!! Especially when I realize that even this striving for perfection is useless because I end up having a B because I forget to turn something in that I DID do because my mind is full of other things!!!

The other day in class we were talking about two different kinds of work. Work that you do for a reason/grade and work you just DO to feel good about it called intrinsic. UMMM.....why would I work without a purpose when my true work has nothing to do with homework at all???? My work has to do with bringing glory to the Kingdom and being close enough to the Lord that I am able to follow His lead. If I am busy making things perfect and finding so much for me to do, how am I supposed to do that??? How can I even serve others if I don't have that time to spend with the Lord myself??? How can I know what the Lord is trying to say if I have no time?!?! I feel like i have the most purpose and joy when I am close to the Lord and spend time with Him daily. I love to hear His voice and feel Him near and for the past week I haven't at all!!!!!!! Not once!!! NO TIME!!!! NO TIME AT ALL!!!!!!!! I may be getting an A in a class...but I'm getting an F where it really counts!!!!!! And honestly I'm not even getting A's even with my best effort!!! UGH!!!!! Jesus....I want you...I NEED you.....I need more than 24 hours in the day. I need to never get tired. I need this Spring Break and I need it bad. I am planning on spending a lot of time with the Lord, because that "A" or "B" or "C" that I'm working so hard to get will mean nothing to me if my first response when I see the good grade isn't: "Lord! Look what we did together!!!". I want Him to be my focus, not something else that should be second!!! Work can become our master!!! Striving for perfection can begin to control our lives! "Something else" may be VERY important..I'm not saying that it isn't, but if it isn't second to the Lord it can be our idol!!! Along with many other good things in life. What I'm doing with my days are very beneficial and definitely important....but NOT as important as my relationship with Christ.

Nothing should ever come before the relationship with Christ and that's just the truth. I am feeling it.....I need to bring my F in spiritual life this week up to something better. I just need to figure out how. Because I know I have to continue to do my best and keep moving forward...but how? Because some of my time is going to have to be given to the Lord...but what time? Where can I find it????? Am I just supposed to never be social in that few hours I do have free? Cause that hurts, too!!! How am I supposed to do it all?! These good grades I fear are going to mean nothing to me and actually hurt my life if I don't find a way to give more time to God. If I didn't need so much sleep, I could stay up all night. But that makes me sick. I need to figure out how to change something because this isn't working. Integrating God into my busy life and making Him a part of it is on my to do list. Just add another thing. :)

Thank you, Lord for Spring Break...because weekends at this school are no breaks at all.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Parable of the Chicken and the Fox

I really like caf hotdogs. I like how they taste and bring my spirits high. I like them even though they look disgusting and have an unnatural grey tent to them. I can look past their shocking grey features because of the taste that comes with them. There is too much good that outweighs the grey tent that runs certain people off.

Just like I can look past the grey tint of my dog, I can also look past certain traits in friends and family because I love them. I really think that love is looking past all of flaws of a person and being there for them despite their failures. Love is definitely sticking by someone no matter what. But you know what else I think love can be? I think love can be knowing who needs your love, and who will be more loved if you are gone.

Let me explain….some personalities just DO NOT MIX! Some people do things that drive others crazy and they will never find that common ground. I think there's something spiritual about separating personalities that are at odds. I mean, we can't avoid everyone, and we should definitely be kind to all. But sometimes a close relationship is only going to bring harm to both parties. Kind of like if you put a chicken and a fox together in a pen. Nothing good can come of it.

At first the fox decides that he will try hard to befriend the chicken. The chicken does have nice feathers and an alluring pointy beak! The fox has really good intentions that he plans to keep up. But as the fox brings the chicken into a warm embrace he begins to smell the tasty scent that entices him to take a bite. He decides that he will try harder to love the chicken, even if it screams to be eaten. But then the chicken starts bawking so loud that the fox jumps high in the air. The fox asks the chicken to stop, but chicken thinks is beautiful and continues in a loud BAAAWK. The fox decides that the chicken is better off eaten for everyone's sake now that he's heard this unbearable noise. But the chicken does not understand because the chicken always gets along with all the other chickens out there. The bawking is quite appealing to her friends back home. Why is this fox not feeling the same? And maybe the chicken doesn't like the way the fox smells and talks. The fox has bleeding ears from the chicken's boisterous bawk but the chicken is sick and tired of the way the fox keeps licking his fingers and sniffing the chicken! Not to mention fox has really bad breath! Why is fox judging chicken when chicken is clearly the nicer of the two parties?Then the chicken decides that the fox is too judgmental and therefore judges the fox. The fox hears the chicken talking about him and it makes him so angry that he starts to sharpen his teeth for a big feathery bite. Chicken was NOT the nicer of two parties! Clearly fox was in the right! Fox didn't want to see chicken's side, but chicken was not willing to see foxes side, either! Poor fox was made to eat chickens and annoyed of the bawking and poor chicken had to be around someone who smells bad and wants to eat her!!! You see…both the chicken and the fox are good folk…they just don't see eye to eye. They weren't made to be pen partners. They only brought the worst out in each other.

Just as the fox isn't made to have cuddle time with a chicken…..we may not be made to have a close friendship with certain people. And that's completely alright! Stick to the ones that you can make the most difference with. Stick to the ones that are not forced and do not bring harm to all involved! I'm not saying to give up when times are rough in relationships, because that is definitely not what I would say!!!! Some relationships are worth the fight, but others are like fitting a square into a circle. Some relationships bring out the best in you and others bring out the worst. So choose wisely who you let in close, but be kind to all!!!! Just don't force something that is a lose lose for everybody. Cause no matter who you are….there is someone out there who is bound to clash with you. Hard to believe, I know ;)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

*Face of Burger Barn*

I'm laying in a heavily cushioned sunchair on the balcony of my dorm and absolutely loving this weather! "It's sunny with a high of 75 when you took my heavy heart and made it light"…That's me quoting a song that I really like, but it really is 75 degrees right now, I just checked my phone. Weather like this makes me feel really hopeful. I am liking this moment I am in right now very much.

The other day I woke up with a massive craving for honey mustard grilled chicken. The craving followed me around like a lingering toot for so long that I had to go to Burger Barn by myself to get the craving satisfied. Mostly because ATT&T directory assistance didn't have Burger Barn listed and therefore to go orders are impossible. Why they would forget about the barn in the directory is beyond me!

I was greeted by the owner of Burger Barn himself and he looked at me like I was crazy for coming alone. He must not understand these cravings of mine. Because until they are satisfied the thought of whatever I'm craving consumes my life. He commented on how great my smile was about three times before we finally made it to the table. At the time, I thought nothing of it, but later the subject would surface again.

As I waited at the table I was excited to find out that the people in the room were having really loud conversations. This appeals to me because eavesdropping is one of my favorite things to do. To spice things up a woman suddenly smacked strait into a door and everyone was solemn except for me and an old man who were laughing. Me and the old man began to talk and were kindred spirits I believe. After that another table started talking about this commercial idea that they were going to go over with the owner to get sells up at the five star Burger Barn.

Soon the owner came in and they began their conversation about how the commercial would go. Someone was going to sing and another person they knew was going to write the lyrics. I chimed in from across the room "I can dance in the background if you would like! I'm basically a professional." And Mr. Burger was like: "WOA!!! Look at that smile! Your smile is a money maker! You need to work here and be in the commercial FOR SURE! Somebody get this smiley girl an application right now!!!"

Woa woa woa…not so fast!!! The commercial part sounded incredible, but going back to the slums of food service is not on my to do list. I've been down that harsh road before, and I never intend to go back!!! I paid my dues at Tropical Smoothie, Stobys, and Dairy Queen all of which bring me nightmares to this day!!!! Did you know people sometimes poop in public restrooms on the FLOOR?!?! Guess who is told to clean it up?! Although I never did, I'd get some boy to do it. All I'm saying is…no no no. But yes yes yes to being in a commercial!

He asked me what I was doing this summer and where I was working and I explained that I was a summer school teacher at a school back home. He told me I should come back in the fall, and I hid my horror so I wouldn't offend. There is a tiny stench that the Buger Barn has that is only bearable for about an hour. That alone would keep me from the job. But it was very nice that he wanted me to work there, and I truly want to be the face of Burger Barn. If my smile is a money maker, then let's make some money, Mr. Barn!!!! I've always felt I should be famous for something. But maybe that's not exactly what I should be famous for. I guess I'll keep searching because there's no way I will waitress ever again.

I have to go because I have another meeting to attend. I'm sad this lovely moment outside is over, but hopefully it won't be the last. I want to feel like a summer babe, but my bare feet remind me that I need a pedicure something fierce. It's time to de-winterize and get the toes painted on a regular basis. Bye for now!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

*Lemonade Stands and Homeschool!*

I was driving around town today and I drove by the most incredible site!!!! Two little girls by the side of the road with a colorful sign that read: "Lemonade Stand"!!!!! I drove too fast to turn in, so I quickly found a way to turn around and go back. Even though I was late to where I was going, it didn't matter, one should ALWAYS stop at a lemonade stand.

When I was little we used to have doughnut stands and lemonade stands all the time. We never got much business, but when we did it made our day!!!! I just think it's so wrong for adults to pass up these adorable stands. These kids really do love it when people stop by. It gives them such a satisfaction and a day to remember. Next time you see a lemonade stand, STOP AT IT!!!!!! It will make their day, and it's so important to encourage all kids, even when it comes to selling 25 cent lemonade. Let's stop being a world full of wet blankets and take some time to buy some cheap lemonade already!!!!!!!!!!!

The girls were precious and had bows in their hair and summer dresses on. The sky was blue and the weather was PERFECT!!!! It felt just like a summers day. The two girls were identical twins and told me that they were homeschooled. It was really a flashback to my childhood!!! I told the girls that my twin was married and moved away and that was just beyond them! They couldn't imagine that ever happening. I couldn't imagine it either, but here it is happening.

Seeing those sweet homeschool girls with big smiles gave me such a longing for the day when I have kids that will have their own lemonade stand. I really want to homeschool my kids one day and take them on all sorts of fun adventures. I want to make tshirts for their dad that have their handprints on it, just like we used to do for mine. We also made him shirts with pictures we drew, and he would proudly wear them around. The pictures were horrible and I'd draw a head with arms and legs coming out of it's ears…but that didn't stop him. I want to be there for my kids and experience their lives and raise them in such a way that they will be mighty warriors for Christ!!!!! All of the kids in our family have really chosen to follow the Lord, and I honestly believe that our days in homeschool helped mold us into the adults we are today. Those memories with my siblings being at home those few years will always be something that bonds us. I want that for my kids as well. I really hope that the Lord allows for that one day!!!!! I just have to trust Him with whatever happens, but that's my dream. Maybe even Molly will live here and we can homeschool our kids together. It's such a happy thought to think of. She would share the passion of pouring Jesus into the kids like I do. That's so important. But I feel like I can only dream so much, because my life never has turned out like I think it will. I just have to trust that Jesus has a plan that is best, and if that includes homeschooling some babies, then it'll happen. If it doesn't…I'll just trust Him through that!

The lake started filling up today!!!!! Mom and dad laid in the sun as they watched the lake rise!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!!! After a terrifying tornado season….summer will be near!!!!!! I can feel it!!!! And the hope of spring and summer is enough to make me jump for joy! I've almost made it through another winter… always ends! And good times always come back! :)

*Trusting God*

It's 8:51am on a Saturday morning and this is the latest I've slept in quite some time. I remember days of being a teenager when noon was an easy place to wake up to. I guess not being able to sleep in late is something that just happens when you get older. Adults don't understand how kids can sleep so late! I remember my dad would joke with me about sleeping so long. He still jokes with me when I say I have to get up so early at 7 considering he's up at 5am every morning. Getting up before the sun is totally unnatural. I disapprove.

So, I haven't been able to write in a while because my last two weeks have been absolutely CRAZY!!!! There's been hardly anytime to sit down and do anything. The good news is, I've started to trust the Lord again with my circumstances and it's caused me so much more joy and motivation to keep going. I have gotten my hope back by the grace of God, and I'm so thankful for it!!!!

Although, I must say, trusting God is really a minute by minute thing. I've been waking up lately and saying immediately "Lord, I need you today, I can't make it without you, and I trust that You have my best interest in mind." And that has seriously changed my view as I go into the day. It gives me this hope and joy that keeps me going. When my heart realizes that the Lord is working for my good, it brings me this immense comfort that I really need. It gives me the strength I need to make it through the day and actually enjoy my time on top of that.

But it's not as easy as it seems. Things will happen in the day that cause me to lose my trust AGAIN! But when I feel that and see where my heart is going, I make sure that I go deal with it. Sometimes I trust the Lord all day long, and other times I trust him for only thirty seconds. When things don't go my way or I get my feelings hurt it's REALLY hard to trust the Lord!!!! Because when my feelings are hurt I start feeling lots of bad feelings about things that have nothing to do with that situation and I start to lose trust yet again!!!!

In case you didn't know….I am the most sensitive person on the face of the planet!!!! I get my feelings hurt and it makes me so mad when that happens! Especially when it's something I know I shouldn't be upset over! I still feel sad regardless of how much I tell myself that it's dumb to have my feelings hurt over something so minimal. I get mad at myself that I feel something I shouldn't, which hurts my feelings even more. It's quite the cycle, really. Because of my sensitivity my trust in the Lord is tested A LOT. But I am training myself to rely on the Lord and bring my heart back to trusting Him so many times a day. I feel like a fool not completely trusting this incredible Savior that has made Himself so apparent to me. Sometimes the situations and things right in front of me begin to consume my thoughts more than the Lord. Okay, a lot more than sometimes. How foolish….how weak am I that I can't even trust for two days strait. That must be where grace comes in. I am constantly wavering between this earthly flesh and this new heart that the Lord gave me long ago when He came into my heart. I am so aware of this battle, and my weakness really makes me angry sometimes.

When my weakness begins to upset me, I really beat myself up a lot. But I've been learning that we can't be angry at ourselves for all these times we fail. I'm not saying that you can go on sinning and feel okay with it because you rely on God's unending supply of mercy to come through for you. If you've kept up with my blogs over the year, you know that is entirely untrue. The Lord loves us enough to not let us go on in blatant sin. I think it is vital that we follow the Lord's commandments and flee from any kind of sin. That doesn't happen nearly enough for me, but I want more than anything to be a person that commits herself to fleeing from anything that does not glorify the Lord. And sometimes I am fully committed to that and try my very best to do everything right!!!! But I never do everything right!!!

What about this sin nature???? What about the fact that we seriously can't stop sinning no matter how hard we try!? When I am close to the Lord I am utterly aware of my shortcomings, and that is so hard. It's hard to know that I'll never be exactly what I want to be. It's hard to feel my heart losing trust when I know that the Lord Jesus Christ is more than worthy of my love, affection, and trust. His promises prove true, but here I am doubting things. I feel His grace more than ever when I go back to Him and apologize for where I let my heart go. My heart goes to a place where I don't think the Lord will take care of me at all. My greatest desire is to feel taken care of and my biggest fear is that I won't be. Feeling like I won't be taken care of seriously puts me into panic mode, but I shouldn't be in panic mode!!!!! The Lord is big enough and has promised to never leave me or forsake me. What a broken human fool that I can't constantly trust this powerful Savior.

But I don't think the Lord wants me to call myself a broken human fool. I have realized that it's a sin to call myself names like that and torture myself for what I do wrong and how I get my feelings hurt. I'm mad about my sinning so I just sin more by constantly telling myself how horrible I am. I think it's good to realize how broken we are as humans and how much we need Him. But for the first time, I've realized that the Lord doesn't want me saying that all the time. He wants me to have confidence. He wants to raise me out of this place of hating myself for the way I feel and what I do. He wants me to realize that I am no longer those things because He has taken residence in my heart. His grace IS enough. I never understood what that song REALLY meant, but I get it now. His grace is enough to cover me and my constant shortcomings. If you are trying so hard to follow the Lord and continue to realize the places you fall short, don't beat yourself up about it too much. Don't let it cause you to stumble or bring your self confidence to an unhealthy low level. There is a balance between going on and sinning without a care, and beating yourself up if you sin at all. The Lord sees our heart. He knows where we are and what we are thinking…He knows every motivation both good and bad.

As I've started trying to constantly get back to trusting the Lord on a minute by minute basis, I really have been a whole lot happier. Trusting God for whatever reason is one of the hardest things to do. I have realized that God doesn't just give us what we want on a silver platter. We are put into situations where we must learn to trust Him when everything seems hopeless. When my future is unclear and I have no idea where my life will be, that's when trust REALLY comes in. I'm a planner and not knowing is very difficult for me. But it's for my benefit that I learn to trust. It's for my benefit that I'm put in situations where trust doesn't come easily. What would it matter if we only trust God when everything is clear and good in our lives??? Would that even be trust at all??? I really don't think so. When we trust in Jesus when things seem so uncertain, that's when we truly glorify the Lord the most!!!!

And I for one want to glorify God in the best way possible!!!! My heart's greatest desire is to do what pleases Him even if I don't always do that. My desire for Him far outweighs these desires of the flesh and that's why I know that trust will win out!!!! How about we learn to trust the Lord in all circumstances and give unconditional praise no matter what happens!?!?! Sound good? It sure does to me. :)