I heard from my Nana about a new book called "A Praying Life" and thought it sounded like something great to read. As I walked on the beach this morning, I started listening to it on tape and already got some great truths from it. If you are a person who struggles with prayer, is a little jaded because your prayers don't seem to come true, or just want to get closer to the Lord, you should DEFINITELY buy this book! It is very good! It focuses on REAL issues instead of just teaching us how to look holy and perfect. No thanks to stuff like that!
The book was talking about how we need to become like children before the Lord in our prayer lives. I have always loved the idea of the kingdom belonging to little children because I love kids so much. I have noticed the fact that they believe very easily and are quick to have faith. Not only that, but when they have faith in something they believe it with all their hearts, no questions asked. I know I want to have passionate faith without question like a child, but something I heard today made me think of another quality children have that we need to have before the Lord.
There was a chubby little two year old hopping around on the beach while I was listening to the chapter on becoming like children. It's funny how it gave me a picture of exactly what the book was trying to say. This little girl was quick to share her joys with her father and even quicker to share her pain. She was TERRIFIED of the wet part of the sand..I mean terrified! She looked to her father to supply her with comfort and didn't even think to be embarrassed or ashamed about how she felt or acted. She came to him with her heart out on the table, just as she was. She had sand all over her face and was slobbering from her cries, but she didn't hesitate to run strait to her daddy dirty and scared.
As adults, we kinda clean ourselves up and give people and God only the presentable side. We may be feeling so many difficult emotions or struggling with sin and nobody will ever know. We don't tell anybody about it, not even God in our prayers. At times in my life, I avoided praying because I was so upset with my life circumstances and felt guilty about it when I prayed. I was upset about my prayers not being answered the way I wanted them to be and knew I wasn't right. I was mad because I felt alone in it all and figured God didn't want to hear my list of complaints. I KNEW I was wrong because I do believe the bible's truths, but my heart wasn't following. I felt like a spoiled child and I didn't want to spend time reminding myself of how jaded I'd become. I decided to stop praying so I could avoid seeing how cynical of a person I was. I didn't stop believing and I didn't stop reading my bible, but I did delete the prayer part. Then one night I was in my room feeling completely hopeless and alone when suddenly the Lord said to my heart: "Come to Me with everything. Tell me how you feel and don't be afraid. There is nothing I cannot carry."
That was about a two years ago and my life changed dramatically from that moment. I remember telling God, "Okay, You asked for it!" then screaming: "I am SO angry! I feel so hurt, I feel so abandoned and rejected! I feel like You don't listen! I feel like you let my enemies get away with everything!!! I feel like I can't trust You! I feel like giving up!!! Your plan is NOT fun so far!" I had bitter tears and a really bad attitude. I was acting like a spoiled child, but I was being completely honest before Him. To my surprise, instead of pulling away, the Lord was closer in that moment than He'd ever been.
After that night, He began to teach me truths about Himself that I hadn't known before. Truths I couldn't realize until I was able to truly open myself to Him. The reason I was so angry is because I didn't understand the heart of God. He doesn't LIKE for me to go through bad things. It hurts Him to see anyone He loves in pain. He has the BEST plan even if that comes with disappointment. (And it will, because this world is broken) The Lord is GOOD in all things and trustworthy even when I didn't feel it. The Lord WANTS to hear how I feel even if it's horrific. Even if it's something that I wouldn't say to anyone else on earth. There is no guilt when talking to the Lord…it's no secret to Him that I am a sinner. Why do I try to have the most eloquent words and pray as though I have it all together when I don't? Throwing my feelings out on the table opened up the way for me to learn more about the heart of God and grow closer to Him. The Lord is big enough to carry all our innermost thoughts no matter how bad they are. To my shock, He can even handle it when I have a problem with Him. He lovingly showed me where I was wrong without shaming me with guilt. He loves us so much!!! It's still hard to believe His reaction to my thoughts, but I am so thankful! Bottom line is…the Lord wants us to be REAL and He can handle it.
Just like a child wants to share with their parents things they like, the things they feel, the good days, the bad days, and everything in between, so should we be with God! He loves what we love, He loves hearing about our day. He loves hearing what we thought was funny, or what we are wondering about. He already knows what we are thinking, but for us to say it means so much to Him! I only have a glimpse of the beauty of the heart of God and I can't even imagine all the good that is in there!!! My human mind cannot fathom it.
I guess the point of this is to remind us all to be real. We may KNOW that the bible says the Lord is like our father, but is He in our personal lives? Are we REALLY in a deep relationship with the Lord, or do we just talk about it? Are we holding God at a distance, or are we laying our hearts out before Him in prayer? None of us are perfect, non of us are invincible, none of us are void of pain, so let's stop acting like it. When we open our hearts up no matter how broken they are, true relationship with the Lord follows. He understands us more than anyone else in the world, so let's never be ashamed to go to Him with our most raw thoughts and emotions. Just like the baby on the beach ran to her earthly father today, let us run to our Heavenly Father in the same way! Bring the REAL you before the REAL God!
What a good and faithful God we serve!!! :)
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