*Thoughts after a Birthday*

I just want to start off by saying that kate is the best friend in the entire world!!!!!! She has done everything to make this day special for me since she knows how much I've hated some of my Birthdays in the past. Knowing how important it was to me, she bent over backwards to make sure that I had a great day. And she really did give me one of the best Birthdays I've had since I was 16 years old. When I turned 16 is really when Birthdays became more of a stress than anything else. But this year, it was so special because of all the work Katelind did. I am so blessed and want the world to know how lucky I am to be one of the people Katelind loves. Because Katelind knows how to love hard. She doesn't love too many, but when she does she loves to the fullest extent. I truly believe that there is nothing I could do that would stop her from loving me. She is fun to be around and we seriously have been through thick and thin together and come out just as joint as before. I haven't gotten sick of her at all over the years and I only love her more and more as time goes on. I know that God has to care about me through gifts like a loyal friend such as Kate. She is the most important friend to me, and I really feel like we are family. Seasons change…friends change….everything changes…but we've constantly remained. And for that I am so thankful!!!!!

You know? Friends like that are very rare to find. Ones that stick around forever and are not only loyal, but actually like you enough to talk to you on a daily basis! I have friends that I know will always be there, but are rarely in my everyday life. Katelind loves me enough to be there everyday, AND stick around. That is huge! Anyone who ends up with her is going to be the luckiest man. She loves like no other I've ever met. Birthday's to me are the times when true friends really stand out. And a lot of people have stood out today, and I really appreciate that. Especially Katelind and Macy who slaved away today for me! And all the people who gave me gifts, because it's my love language! And to my new friends Lauren and Kristen who really make me feel special!!!!! And everyone who has gone out of their way to make me feel loved today! Too many to count! LITERALLY!!!! It means so much!!!!!!

Off of the birthday subject….I had a realization today that just because I may want somebody to be a close friend, doesn't mean it's always possible. You can't fit a square into a circle no matter how hard you try. You can't make somebody want to be around you even if that's what you want more than anything. Sometimes you just gotta let go, and realize that the people who are meant to stay, will. And the others? Well…just don't hold on too tight. Because holding on too tight can end up with some pretty messy repercussions. Especially if someone is just in your life for a short time. I gotta realize that's okay.

It's harder for me to be okay with that, because i'm the type of person that yearns for deep, deep relationships. I want to feel so close to people, on a deep, loyal, unconditional level. I don't want to have to play games, I want to be able to share how I feel and know how the other is feeling. I don't want any sort of pent up feeling that the other doesn't know. I like to be transparent and on the same wave length. I long for commitment and knowing that someone will always be there. I'm drawn to people who come off as loyal and talk about lifelong friendship. I want that so badly. But I rarely let anyone in enough to become that lifelong friend. And when I want to let someone in, that doesn't mean that they always want to be that friend! Some personalities mixed together just hit a brick wall day after day. People have different love languages, different ways of looking at life, different ways of thinking in general. And that's okay, too. I just gotta come to terms with the fact that some people stay and many more go. And that's just life.

I'm really tired, so I'm probably not making very much sense. This is probably written really poorly as well, but I'm going to bed so I'm not even going to read through it. This has been a GREAT Birthday….I am so thankful!!!!!!!