*Forget the Plan*

2010 is a year that I've been thinking about for a while now. When I was little I would do the math to see when I'd graduate and my life would "begin". I knew that by 2010 I would be married to the most incredible man on the planet and everything would be paved just as I had imagined. I would graduate and live in the white house with the red door that I've looked at for years. I'd have a baby girl on the way named Annabelle and everything would be sunshines and rainbows. I know that sounds crazy, but I come from a family who marries REALLY early. Now that I'm actually entering the year 2010, I realize how immature my thinking was. I have a letter that I wrote to myself when I was eleven year old that proves my point:
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Dear Future Abby,
I am sure by now you are married to a really wonderful man, so tell him hello for me. Is Annabelle on the way? Don't forget to put big bows in her hair! I hope that you are beautiful and have lots of friends. Do you still like Nsync? Do you have a lot of clothes? I sure hope that everyone loves you! You are awesome!!!!!!
Love,
Past Abby
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I had a plan for my life. I had no doubts about that plan. I knew that when that plan came to pass my life would finally "start". Now I realize that holding onto something so hard is the best way to lose it. And losing my life has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Losing my dreams so many times has brought so much good in my life. Every hope lost has somehow come together to make for an even bigger hope. Everytime Satan has tried to take me down, it's only brought me further to the heart of my Jesus. Taking this trip to Nebraska has really been a great experience for me. God has opened my eyes to some of His truths and given me so much hope and joy. Just because my life isn't turning out the way I planned does not mean that I am not blessed beyond measure. The Lord has been SO good to me, even in the hard times!!! I learn so much about the heart of God when going through a storm. I have learned to trust God no matter what because He knows much better than I do!!!! Just because I see a certain situation from a human view does not give me a right to critisize it.

It's amazing how much different my mindset is and how things that were once so important to me have become less important. Sure, every girl wants to feel beautiful and loved and marry the man of their dreams, but over time I've realized where my true dreams are found. My true dreams are found when I submit to the will of my Heavenly Father and not find my worth in beauty or the love of others. My Father accepts me as His own, and I am a chosen daughter of the King who will one day dance in pretty princess dresses for all eternity with my perfect prince. But Heaven is not the only gift we receive! My Father talks in the bible about how He loves to give His children good gifts. He loves to see us smile and bring us joy. But I've realized that sometimes the gifts we need are different than the gifts we want. The Lord knows that sometimes if He gives us what we ask for it will ruin us. He loves us too much for that!!! Have you ever thought that even something that hurts at the time may be a gift from above? Next time you are going through a hardship, look at it that way! What gift is the Lord bringing out of that? He promises to work together for the good of those who love Him. Think about all the good He is going to do!!!! And sometimes when it alligns with the will of God, we may get something we've always wanted. But when we hold on too hard to those blessings WE.WILL.FAIL. Hold onto the blessings lightly. Trust God if He decides to take them away. Enjoy them while they last, and do not become bitter if they leave. God knows BEST. TRUST HIM!!!! Even when your emotions are screaming for you to become bitter! One of the best sacrifices we can give is being thankful everyday no matter what is going on!!! Thank Him! Thanking Him is such a gift in itself!!! It brings so much peace.

He is God, and I am not. I want this year to be a year where everyday I wake up and say "God, YOUR will NOT mine!". I'm done chasing dreams that have no foundation. The only way that dreams like that can have a firm foundation is if Christ is the foundation beneath them. If Christ comes first and faith and trust run rampid that's when those dreams can become blessings and help promote the Kingdom of God. Because a big purpose of my future family will be to raise children who draw people to the heart of God. Raise children who fear the Lord and bring glory to His name! It's not about the "happiness" it brings. It's not about feeling worthy of love because someone has finally said yes. It's not about getting our own desires met. It's about learning how to be selfless and becoming holy through putting others before ourselves. The core foundation is to praise the Father through the family. I am so thankful that my life is not what I wanted it to be. Because I want my life to be exactly what the Lord wants!!! And right now He wants me in school another year working my tail off!!! And sometimes being so busy with school is lonely. But that's where I am, and God has His reasons!!!! He is GOOD!!!! His love endures forever!!!!!!! Reguardless of if I get what I think I want. Forget the plan. God's got it under control. :)