**Disclaimer** I am usually not a fan of writing things like this, but I feel like it's important!!! I am not as mooshy gooshy as this comes off, but this is good advice that I think is worth following. I firmly believe in everything this says.
My grandpa gave me a sermon by Tommy Nelson that really gives some great insight and advice to anyone who is single out there. It reminded me how much waiting is truly worth it, because it may be lonely to be single, but it's MUCH worse to be married and lonely. Settling for a life partner is NOT an option. I don't care how dire the situation may seem, NEVER SETTLE. We need to believe and trust the Lord to bring the right person and not try to force things ourselves stamping the Lord's name on it! I have seen many people unknowingly ruin their lives on their wedding day because they didn't think about these five IMPORTANT things. This sermon has come at the perfect time for me because I've been tempted to let out feelings for guys that are definitely not lining up with these five points. I mean, having a twin sister married does not come without it's panicky moments! Mary-Kate and Ashley always had a man at the same time, so wouldn't I, too? haha But let me tell you this…. no matter how many times I'm a third wheel and feel as though i'll never find anyone, settling is NOT an option. And I truly hope you feel the same way! No matter how emotionally draining it can be, stick to what you know is right. I think the Lord will bless us for it!
*Five Non-negotiables*
1.) You and the person must be in complete theological unity. Your perception of God must be the exact same. This means that the person must not just be a Christian, you should completely be one minded in everything theologically. Our perception of who God is drives our decisions and the way we view the world. How can a marriage be in union if you view the whole universe in a different way? In my own life, I couldn't marry a man who puts God inside a box. I need someone who is truly driven by the Holy Spirit and knows that there is much more to experience with Christ than merely religion! Church drives me crazy because it's so superficial sometimes!!! I need a man who understands what I'm saying when I tell Him how I felt the Holy Spirit and how He moves in my life. Someone who believes and knows that there is a major spiritual battle going on and we need to fight daily! Superficial Christianity….not gonna be in my equation. But he can't be legalistic! I make the legalistic Christians out there stare with their mouths open in shock. I am not by any means your cliche Christian nor will I ever be. But theology….it HAS to HAS to be the same. You gotta make sure EVERY aspect matches up! Not just some of it!!!!!
2.) You must have complete moral unity. If you have a man or woman who lives life for the flesh even though he/she can recite the gospels and give a time of their testimony, we've got a problem! It doesn't matter if they attend church every Sunday, have religious fb status', or can talk your ear off about the Lord all day long. DO they keep their word? WHAT do they do with their Friday nights? Who do they hang around with? Do they settle for lower moral standards to please their flesh? AGAIN being "a Christian" is NOT enough. THAT IS SO IMPORTANT!!!!!!! Listen to this next sentence because it is crucial you hear it: **** If a man is superficial with God you have NO GUARANTEE that he is going to maintain the values he had on your wedding day.**** Many of men have tooted their religious horns loudly to win over the woman they love. Trust me, that has happened to me on a few occasions!!! So I know that's true! IF he likes to go out and drink the night away yet has "given his life to Jesus", that's a red flag. The man or woman MUST be of the same moral character! Watch how he/she treats their family…make sure in their single lives they have not created an illusion or diversion to make things 'easier'.
***illusion- Goes to church, sing the songs, quote the verses, but deep in the heart not following Christ.
***Diversion- Going to people, relationships, things and not dealing with true heart issues. Must know how to stand alone with only God at their side.
3.) Your future mate has to be of ministerial unity with you. Are you going in the same direction? Are the ways you spend your time and what you feel is important in union? A woman who is following hard after Christ cannot marry a man who simply wants to make a million by 30. Her values are in a completely different place. You must come together running the same direction. Do you have to move your values and dreams to force yourself to fit with that person? Are your goals different or are they the same? If you are single, don't just sit there and wait around for that life partner, keep moving on with your life and go towards your passions. "If you are running in a certain direction and out of the corner of your eye you see someone running that same way, it's worth a second look." (that cheesy line was by the guy, not me….although I am guilty of cheesy lines at times.)
4.) You must have a genuine passion and attraction to the person. If a pastor asks you: "How is your sexual purity" and you say "Great! We have no temptations." there is a major problem there! Keeping pure should be a fight and a battle, and should NOT come easily. If there is no passion or chemistry the marriage is going to end up being really hard. You can't just marry your best friend, you have to marry your best friend who you find irresistible! But you must make sure not to give into your passion and fall into pre-marital sexual sin. This is like striking a match in knee deep kerosene. A lasting relationship will need to build coals in order to keep "burning" for an entire lifetime. Some people are just using lighter fluid and lasting a lot longer than they would if they didn't bring sexual sin into the relationship. Relationships like that often end up like this: "A good deal, becomes an ordeal, becomes a new deal." VERY TRUE. Purity is SO important!!!! But it should be hard to stay that way! If it's easy….that's not good. If you can sit in a house alone for five hours and just talk with no kind of temptation…probably not the perfect fit for you!
5.) You must be in social unity. This means that you should enjoy doing the same types of things as the other person. What you like and what interests you should be a lot alike. I guess for me personally that means I can't marry a rustic mountain man who can't get enough of rock climbing. I also would be unhappy with an excercise-o-holic! Those types drive me crazy! If you love to go to the beach and your mate can't stand the feel of sand, it's gonna be rough. You need to like the same things! Of course, girls and guys are different so there will be obvious differences in interest. If your husband likes to do ballet and shop for make-up as much as you do, there may be an even bigger problem. So, obviously you will not be alike in everything. But"To the degree that you and your mate are socially opposite, you better balance it out with the same degree of flexibility and holiness." After you get married you are not number one any longer! You must do what pleases your mate…and having the same hobbies and interests makes this a lot easier.
At the beginning of the sermon it was talking about how men and women get into their mid to late twenties and sometimes panic and settle for someone who is not a good fit. But a lot of times settling ends up putting people in a much worse place than they ever could be single! Like I said before, we must learn to trust God and believe that He is capable of bringing the right person. We don't think about these five things when we are completely in love with a smooth talking man. When our hearts are pounding and all we see are stars, this doesn't exactly cross our minds. But it NEEDS to. We must never settle no matter what. And you know what else??? We need to make sure we are the type of person that is going to line up with the man we want. I know that is said a lot, but do we REALLY take that advice? Are we the woman who a Godly man would be blessed to be with? (so cliche, I know! but a good cliche,right?) Are WE making illusions and diversions in our single life? I know I have!
I hope some of you got as much out of this as I did. Not gonna lie, I got kinda nervous because I've never met a guy that has been even close to connecting with me on all these points. Maybe two or three at best! Me finding the perfect match for me will truly be a miracle! But no matter how hard it may seem to wait and not settle, it will be worth it. :) If I'm thirty and get desperate and start settling for some strange man…kick me and remind me of what I just wrote! I'm not perfect! haha
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