*ALL OUT WAR!!!!*

I have just experienced a very dramatic encounter with an enormous spider, and I feel as though I've just run fifteen miles because of it. I am pretty much scarred for life, but I am willing to tell the tale. I think it will help me to recover by sharing my story. The words I'm about to say are hard, because it means reliving a traumatic moment, but time will heal this wound.

I taught bugology this summer and made all my children say each day "A bugologist never kills a bug" so I tell this story with a tinge of regret. Not enough that I wouldn't do the same thing again, though. I have definitely violated the bugologist code and I know a few kids who would be heartbroken over it. I thought I had come to friendship status with spiders, but that's before they decided to declare war on me in my own home. For the past few weeks I have seen a spider in my shower at least every other day. They started out as really small spiders, and the first time I even let it go. The second time, I was just a little annoyed so I smashed it, i'll admit that. The next day I panicked because I was washing my hair in the faucet and looked over to see a vengeful friend of the dead spider right next to my cheek. That's when I realized I didn't want these spiders around anymore. Me seeing them is one thing, them hiding and jumping out at me…that's another.

I've killed about ten spiders by this point and I regret to inform you that Molly and Logan had a spider waiting on their pillow when they visited home this weekend. It's getting OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! A few days have passed without any sitings, but tonight things have taken a turn for the worst. The largest and angriest spider I have ever seen was chilling in the corner of my roof above my shower. It was the mack daddy of all spiders…legs spread out to make it all the more creepier. Everyone is asleep so there's nobody to scream for which was a really disheartening thing to realize. I took a seat in indian style on the floor and just kinda looked at the guy wondering what I should do. I was so tired that I almost felt like forgetting about it, but the thought of a morning shower with a huge monster waiting for me was not appealing. There was only one thing to do.

My first thought was that I needed to throw something at it to get it down so I could reach it…if I was lucky, it'd die from the fall. I picked up my hair dryer to throw, but luckily thought about how dumb that would be before I chunked it. Then I picked up my hair brush, but that wouldn't work either. What if the remains are brushed through my hair or something? I placed the hairbrush back on the counter and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair was on top of my head in a bun and it was not the best look for me to tell you the truth. I took a time out to brush my hair and make it look good before I resumed my war. Once my hair looked great, I gave myself a smile in the mirror and then quickly looked away meaning business once again. It makes no sense to brush my hair considering nobody is going to see me, but that's what I did. In all honesty…that's what I do almost every night. haha

Finally I picked up something I wouldn't mind ruining…a roll of toilet paper. The first roll completely missed the spider because I'm terrible at aim. Then I took another roll and finally got a little bit of a hit…only problem was, the spider completely disappeared after that. It seemed like the roll had killed him and all I really had to do was check to see underneath to make sure the dastardly deed was done. It took me a while to gain the courage, because I wasn't sure if he was somewhere else and was going to come down on my hair. Because really…when I hit him, I kinda closed my eyes in fear. Smart, I know.

I finally got enough courage after I put a towel over my head for protection. My hair dryer did come in handy because I used the cord to bang against the rolls of toilet paper to see if the spider was underneath. Frighteningly enough, he was nowhere to be found. How does something THAT big get lost?! I was in over my head. I realized it was about to be an all out war.

Because I had no idea where the spider had gone, I jumped back to the other side of the bathroom to think through my next battle plan. I grabbed a basket and dumped everything out to use as a trap. I stayed back with the towel still over my head; hands clutching the basket tightly. I crouched down like the crouching would actually help something and started to laugh at myself because of how ridiculous I was being. But the laughter came to an abrupt halt when I saw movement. I ran and smashed the basket down over what I thought was the spider but when I lifted the basket up, I was very horrified to see that it was not underneath. The movement was just my overactive imagination.

Breathing fast I slowly moved my head from side to side to see if I could find him. I noticed I strange shape out of the corner of my eye, and surely enough it was the killer spider hiding underneath the soap dish!!!! "GOD! Why on earth did you make spiders so stealthy?!" I mean seriously…….spiders would be so much easier to love if they didn't make dramatic entrances from the ceiling like Nsync or hide in the crevices like a pack of creeps!

Once spotting the spider, I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to bring a high heel into the mix! No spider (or man for that matter) is a match for a handy high heel. I ran to my closet with towel still on my head and came back with my favorite heel. I smacked that big spider until I was tired of smacking, but would you believe it?!?! HE WAS STILL ALIVE AND MOVING!!!!!!!! I had to smash him some more and kinda follow him as he walked.

I am NOT okay!!!! I have been in an all out war.