When I take time to actually sit down and contemplate things about my life there are a lot of things I see that I don't whenever I'm just running around trying to finish my next task. Today I've had a bit of time to be alone and listen to what the Lord is trying to teach me or say to me. I have been desperate to hear something and feel closer to Him because my life of busyness has totally gotten in the way. I feel so refreshed to have this time to bask in the presence of the Lord, but I'm definitely not liking what I'm seeing about myself.
The Lord has really pointed out to me that I am constantly on a search for something to give my heart to that feels like it will bring hope in my life. It may be a person, a dream, or just a thought about what could be. I start to beg God to bring something that will make me not feel so lonely, when in reality anywhere else I go will in the end just leave me wanting. Nothing can fill me like I hope it can. Sometimes I meet people that put a dent in my longings but they never bring about the results that I want. Even though I know that, I still feel my heart swaying certain directions in desperation of some kind of hope. Some kind of hope that the life I want is out there and I'm not just stuck forever in a place I don't feel like being. But those times I'm so desperate for something to come is when I'm not taking time to spend with my Savior! When i'm with Him, my longings fade and I feel completely loved and like I'm not so alone. I have the best teammate in the world.
True abundant life is always waiting because I have the Holy Spirit inside me that is always ready to answer my call. When I seek Him with all my heart, He truly does show up. Sometimes I get so side tracked with what I want or what i don't have that I forget how many barrels full of joy and power I have at my disposal when I tap into my relationship with the Lord. Instead of just looking for a quick fix, I need to rely on the Lord and give Him my full heart. I need to figure out a way for Him to direct where my heart goes, because sometimes I feel like I have no control.
I think that sometimes relying on the Lord is like that story about the kindergarten child. The little boy is told that he can have two tootsie rolls now, or fifty tootsie rolls if he waits ten minutes. The kid of course is impatient and grabs the two tootsie rolls because he doesn't want to wait. I feel like I live that way and so do many others around me. We see those tootsie rolls that can satisfy our craving at the current moment, and don't want to wait and reap the better benefits with patience. And I'm not even saying that my patience is for something that's going to happen in this life, because this is a broken world and I'm definitely not looking for completion where I am a fallen creature and so is everyone else. What my heart truly longs for is perfection and the perfect romance with the happiest ending ever….WELL... News flash!!!! That's not going to happen on this side of eternity! That longing I have is for the days I'll spend in Heaven with my first love, Jesus Christ!
The bible says that we will reap the reward if we don't give up and faint. That clearly shows that times will be rough and there will be points that we feel like fainting. But if I don't give up and I keep on trusting and hoping and having faith…some kind of reward is coming! My guess is that it's in Heaven, but it may be on earth…I'm not really sure. But I do know that I don't want to give up and faint and I certainly do not want to be the person that only take two tootsie rolls when I can have fifty. I gotta stop looking for perfection in this broken world, because it's not coming. But I can definitely get joy and peace from the Savior who lives inside of me and gives me the hope of eternity. And maybe in this life I will be blessed as well. Maybe sometimes things will work in my favor. But when they do, I can't hold too tightly to that, because the Lord gives and takes away and I want my heart to trust Him regardless of what is given and taken away. He knows best. I gotta remember that.
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