Saturday, September 19, 2009

*Why do I always have a stalker?*

For some reason, every year since I have started college I have had some type of stalker. An extremely bad thing happened concerning the first one freshman year, so I have tried hard to avoid such invasions ,of well...my life. The first stalker is unmentionable, because what ended up happening to him is quite the party ruiner. It's like noone can even laugh anymore, because the story is so bad. I hate telling stories like that. Especially on my blog. I do not like to be the party stopper. But before the bad thing happeend...there was some times where he definitely POPPED out of the bushes when I didn't answer my phone and would say: "Why didn't you answer?! I SAW THAT!" and after every class he would be waiting....he called me everyday about ten times. I never called him back. It was the freakiest of them all...so I will save that story for anyone who asks...but be prepared to be speechless afterwards! It's possible this post might be a party stopper, even if I don't want it to be. I just need to vent.

So I had that first stalker, then my second stalker had known me two whole weeks before tearfully telling me he's been in love with me since the first time he saw me. Now, I am not a person that thinks men are after me. I do not feel like I have a higher self esteem than normal...these are the stalker types. Aka the ones that are never talked to, but friendly me comes along and they think their bride has come! I hate letting people down, especially when they seem a little...whats the word? Psycho. Yes, that is the word that fits the profile. You can imagine my shock when this boy starts crying...TEARS..many tears...when professing his love. "Since the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew...you were the one for me." *insert sob fest* What do you say to that?!?!? Especially when you are wondering how he got in your room in the first place. Do locks mean nothing these days?! I remember grabbing a pillow to put in front of me to make sure a hug was impossible. I tried to blow my nose so a few boogers could string along my face. Didn't work. "Oh..uh..how nice...um...thanks???? Have you seen so and so down the hall? They are looking quite marriagable today!!! Me? I'm horrid! HORRID I TELL YOU!!!" Yes, I do throw other people under the bus when under pressure. It's one of my weaknesses you could say.

The next one was named jambo jangles...I kid you not. I was at Dixie Cafe at the end of my second year at Tech, and he was my waiter. He kept looking at me, so my friend decided to give him my number without my consent. Next thing I know my phone is blowing up every hour on the hour with things like: "I have been waiting to find you....we are going to move to Europe together!" and "I just know we are going to spend forever. Your hair is so soft. I want to touch it."and "I know you need saving." YA...CRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPY!!!! Did I mention I NEVER replied to ANY of his messages?!?! You can't make this stuff up!!! I wish I was!!!!!!!! And when I let him know that I was DEFINITELY not his damsel in distress waiting to be saved...he went NUTS!!! Anger like I've never seen in my life. Did I mention he was THIRTY and I was NINETEEN?! I blocked him hardcore, and ran like the dickens. NOT OKAY! Excuse me, Dixie Cafe...I'm gonna need a complaint card. Your waiter tried to move me to europe. That's a problem-O. And thinking about all this again is making me scaredeo!

I have a few other stalker stories, but I am supposed to be going to bed, and they aren't quite as bad. Kind of like the ones that are not exactly psycho, but maybe a little bit socially challenged. Those guys are just precious, and mean no harm. I would never give those stories away. But the first one would BLOW YOUR MIND!!! Hence, why I have issues when another strange man thinks I'm his wife. The newest one came to me just recently. It's because he knew my stalker of the year hasn't come, and he needed to fill that spot. I was hoping those days were over. But the life of a friendly girl is never far from creepahs. I was walking back from Tiger Tunes the other night, and I met three boys walking near my dorm. I dropped something, and they helped me pick it up, so naturally, I was friendly. Well, they ended up walking me back to my dorm, and using my phone to get my number to theirs. I thought letting someone see my phone was no big. Well....apparently it was a big. Because from then on I kept getting text messages from this strange number like every 15 minutes. I wish I was kidding. They came ALL the time. Things like : "You are such a beautiful girl, let me come see you again" and "Can you please give me the honor of your presence. I need to be with you. Let's walk."...Uh, first of all...NO...second of all HECK NO!!!!! Then when I don't answer I get things like: "What?! What's wrong! Why aren't you answering?!?! I can't lose you!!! What did I do?!?!" You can't lose me? Pal, you never had me to begin with. And take off that scary trenchcoat. Yes, he was wearing a trenchcoat. BUT I did ask to see his ID so I would know who it was if something bad happened. I definitely didn't add him on fb....blocked, blocked, and BLOCKED!!! All my stalkers are blocked, hence why I am talking freely about it on my blog. They know nothing of it. I don't think they are horrible, horrible men. Just a little....off, maybe?IDK. But what I DO know is that no girl likes to be suffocated by some random guy. If she likes the guy...then suffocate away. But if she doesn't, and you are wearing a scary trenchcoat...try to calm it down.

4 comments:

  1. "Oh..uh..how nice...um...thanks???? Have you seen so and so down the hall? They are looking quite marriagable today!!! Me? I'm horrid! HORRID I TELL YOU!!!"

    Hahahahaha I am dying of laughter. Also, I thought I could qualify as your stalker (considering I've never actually met you), but maybe I'm not creepy enough.

    Anyway, there was this guy who used to call me every couple days asking for someone named Happy. He seemed very....senile. Then there was another guy who left a message on my phone saying "You are going to make me some cereal. No....yes, you are going to make me some cereal. And some noodles. Make me noodles. YES!!!! I can do the cha-cha- like a pretty girl"

    Needless to say, I did not reply. Although I think I cannot quite claim to feel your pain in the stalker department. Maybe when I go to college....

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  2. Now *I* feel like a stalker... But if it makes you feel any better about a random person reading your blogs, I know Molly and Logan... Somehow that doesn't make it any less creepy sounding. Oh well!

    Your reactions sound exactly like mine! hahaha You've had some legitmate stalkers, I'd say.

    Story time:
    I was at a lock-in for my youth group, and I'm talking to some other kids about something. This short guy (I mean short, I'm 5') comes up and starts cussing at the person I was talking to, trying to win me over with his... with his... well I don't know what he was thinking. He must have though my look of horror was something like admiration because he felt permitted to follow me and flirt with me all night. I was stuck there for another 12 hours. Everywhere I went he would show up and poke me and talk at a 100 mph. What was worse was that he kept chaning clothes! I thought he must have a whole suitcase with him! I never knew what he would be wearing when he popped up. I spent the rest of the night hiding. Underneath the air hockey table. Behind the skate shop counter. In the little space between the vending machine and the wall. Inside my own hoodie. I stole one of his tricks and began switching jackets with people in an attempt to hide myself from him. Alas, he was inescapable. Only the following week did I discover that I did not merely have just one stalker. No, he had an identical twin. Possibly a triplet. I still don't know how many of them there were and how many of them were stalking me...

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  3. Wow, what a wonderful amount of typos!

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  4. HEY!!! I JUST got that comment!!!! Haha! I am laughing so hard! Thank you SO much for story time!!!!! Alas..he was inescapable..hahaha.......HE HAD A TWIN!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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