*Sick Day*

Today was my first sick day of this year, and it came at a really bad time. I have so much on my agenda lately, so I was really panicked about having to stay in. But it ended up being a wonderful day to slow down, and think about things that really matter. I hate that life gets busy, and my thought life turns to the here and now. How I'm going to get this done, who I want to talk to today, what I need to do. It's all such a whirlwind of thoughts, and when I'm forced to take it easy, I am reminded of what really matters. Nothing that I am concerned about right now is really going to matter in the end. The only thing that is going to matter is what I am doing for eternity. And I feel like I am going to do a lot for eternity in my classroom, which does make school important, but it's not everything. It should not take up all my thought life, leaving little for the Lord. I would rather not get all my reading done, and spend time with the Lord, than beat my brains out to get everything done just so. I believe I need to work at school with all my heart, but it does not come first. I think I needed a day to remind me of that. I needed a day to refocus. Maybe my sickness was divine intervention. :)

My status on facebook right now is that verse in Psalms about not being impatient for the Lord to act. I really needed to hear that today. I feel like I have been waiting for the Lord to do something big in my life, and I expect it to happen in my time frame. He has blessed me so much this year, and I am so thankful for that. But sometimes I feel like He has something even bigger in store. Like this is not all there is for me. Maybe that feeling has to do with knowing I was made to be with the Lord, and I'm stuck in this fallen world. Maybe I will always feel this ache until the day I die. Or maaaaybe....there's something bigger on this earth as well. I have no idea. But I do know that it kind of hurts, and I don't like it. This longing that goes so deep inside of me. It's a lonely longing...wishing that the Lord was touchable. Sometimes wishing I had a husband and kids to call my own. It's weird to think that the people who are going to mean the most to me, I haven't even met yet. But deep down inside I know that they will not fulfill me. No matter how wonderful he is, or how precious my babies are...they will never take my inner longings away. So what I think might be a longing for a husband, is probably a longing to be with the Lord. I'm an alien in this world. My real home is in Heaven. If this longing isn't fulfilled here on earth, it will happen in eternity. I am promised that. And that is a good thing to know.