*Called Out!*

So for the most part I have a trusting attitude towards the Lord, but there are also times where I am just extremely confused and let my foolish human brain take over. Kinda like last night. Let me explain....

Last night I was talking to God and myself out loud saying: "I just don't get it! I don't get it at all! I thought you were the God of justice...and there is no justice in sight. What about what you told me a few months ago? I know you said it won't come till I'm okay with it not coming...but will I ever get to that point?! I've been so hurt, it's so very hard. I wish I didn't care. The injustice is killing me. I hate how I'm punished in my life for things, but people who wrong me are not. Lord, I am getting tired, so very tired. Why do some people get away with things and other people do not? Why do people do such cruel things and you seem to reward them for it? I'm having a hard time trusting you tonight. I know I sound so foolish, but that's how I feel right now."
Then I opened up my bible and it fell onto the book of Malachi. Malachi 2:17 to be exact. And here's what it said:
You have wearied the LORD with your words.
"How have we wearied him?" you ask.
By saying, "All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them" or "Where is the God of justice?"

Um wow...My eyes were about to pop out of my head while reading this!!!! Could that of been anymore clear?! Anymore blunt?!?! Anymore perfect for that moment?!!! Suddenly I felt bad for what I had said. Wearying the Lord is definitely not what I want to do. But I am so foolish sometimes. I didn't say the next part out loud, but in my head I was thinking to myself how I have been giving everything to the Lord and I still hurt! And it seems like cruel people get to live fluffy little lives with no pay-up!!! Ya, God is forgiving....but He is just as well! And he disciplines us for our own good and we reap what we sow! Part of free will is having to deal with our decisions. Forgiving is the blood of the Lamb taking the sacrifice for our sins so we can live in eternity. And, yes, the Lord never handles us how we deserve. We deserve death every single day. We are never dealt with the way we should be. But it doesn't mean we can abuse grace and get away with sin. God knows our hearts...He knows when we abuse grace. I definitely know that the Lord was listening to my thoughts because then I turned the page and read Malachi 3:13-15 which says:
"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD.
"Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'
"You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? ¹⁵ But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

Talk about me feeling like inserting my foot into my mouth. I felt so bad and quickly apologized for the horrible ways I'd been thinking. Harsh thoughts against the Lord. He called them HARSH! Ah!!!! I was harsh against God! :(!!! My sweet, precious God!!!!! The One who has been beside me all along, and makes Himself close to me even when I'm thinking like an utter fool. That presence that is with me through my days and nights...making Himself known along the way.The verses after that one gave hope to the people who do follow the Lord. I need to trust the Lord and His plan. Serving the Lord is NEVER for nothing. All my efforts will be blessed one day, even if it is far off from now. And the Lord definitely blesses me each day more than I can explain. Which is so kind of Him considering I sometimes act like an immature brat and spit in His face in a sense. OH...man.....He is very merciful to me. And I am very thankful for that. I am also thankful that He speaks to me with no questions as to what He means. I mean, with those verses there is pretty much no interpretation. I was pretty much called out.

After I had read those verses I suddenly felt that familiar presence I have come so accustomed to lately ...I knew it was Him so I said:"I am so horrible! I said harsh things against you and wearied you!!!" and in return that still, small voice answered: "But I love you anyway." An unexplainable peace came over me.... and then I went to sleep :)