*No past is too big for God*

"If we pretend like our past doesn't effect our present, we are giving the past control over us."

This quote came from a teacher magazine that I'm reading about the Common Core Standards but it just so happens to relate directly to my life right now. My past is like a horrifying beast that shows up when I least expect it. Guess what the computer decided to put front row center on my official transcript till the day I die?! Somehow my 1.4gpa from my 2008 semester at Tech is the main attraction. I had to turn it in to my new employer today and I was just hoping they wouldn't look at it too closely. The worst few months of my life revealed for all to see! My A's hide on the back sheet collecting dust, but my dark days of failing life and school are literally CENTERED on the front!!! I think they might even be in bigger font than the rest, but maybe that was just my imagination. Never choose a school based on a boyfriend or a dorm you never actually get to live in. It's not a good idea.

I'm still not sure why I had to go through all the things I went through, but I know the Lord has purpose in it if I give it up to Him. I can relate to people who are completely alone in the world and I couldn't of before. I know what it's like to feel completely rejected for things I couldn't help like coming from a private school or my religion. I know what it's like to have a phone that never receives a call from anyone at my school for days on end. I know what it's like to sit alone at lunch everyday for weeks strait. I know what it's like to be made fun of and constantly mocked for being too 'friendly'. I know what it's like to be worried to leave my room because my face was so broken out that hardly any real skin showed. I know what it's like to have a guy in my life that ignored me in public because he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I know what it's like to be an outcast. I never had to deal with that before or after Tech, but I am thankful because I do have such deep empathy for people because of it. I don't want anyone to ever feel like that. I want everyone to feel completely important and included the moment they set foot into the room with me. I know the Lord works everything together for my good and I know He will use that time to bring glory to Himself if I let Him.

Looking at my life now I can clearly see that my God is mighty to save. He jerked me out of the mud and the mire that I was drowning in and put me on solid ground. He nursed me back to health and brought me closer to Him than I ever thought possible through a bad circumstance. I would not change it, because I know that my relationship with Him would not be the same. Even when I felt like completely giving up, He whispered in my ear that there was something more. Something big that my life would become if only I would take another step. Now that I'm about to start my first year as a teacher, I see what part of that plan was. I see why Satan was trying so hard to keep me down.

I guess the good news about my horrible semester being the main attraction on my transcript is that it reminds me of all God has done. It reminds me of where I've come from and how much my life has been turned around. It reminds me of what a mighty warrior my God has been on my behalf. It reminds me of how lucky I was to transfer to my new school and get the care that I truly needed. I'm thankful to the Lord that He can use even the worst times to bring glory to Himself. I am thankful that He has carried me when I couldn't carry myself. I am thankful that He will stop at nothing to make me the woman He desires for me to be and will not get tired or weary of working on my heart. I can be stubborn and I can take time, but I have a God who will not give up. I am so thankful that He is strong enough to get me through anything and that NOTHING can get in the way of His plan!

Praise Jesus for where I am today!!! Being reminded of the days I try to forget helps me to be so thankful for where I am right now. My reality is so starkly different that some of you might not even believe that those times happened to me. NOTHING is impossible with God! He is big enough, He is mighty to save, and no past is too big for God!!! Not mine and definitely not yours! I can see recently how I've still let some of my past control some of my now and I will not have any of that for a moment longer!!! He will make us more than over comers no matter what life brings! There is hope for us and lots of it! Praise His Holy and Worthy name!!!