*Someday*

If you really don't understand things and are frustrated with no answers just grab your favorite pillow to hug and turn on this song!

"Someday" by Nicole Nordeman

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened then

I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until...

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of...

Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday.

*Patience*

Patience. That is what the Lord is teaching me lately. And it might be the hardest lesson to learn!!! It seems like most every lesson the Lord teaches me is hard, because they always go against the very chore of my sin nature. That sinful self that is so deep set. But I know that He does not ask me to do something that He does not give me the power to do! Praise the Lord, for He is good, and He has my life in His wonderful control :)

"Wait" by Steven Curtis Chapman

You wonder when the Lord will renew the strength within you;
You wonder how, how can He use you as you are.
Seems like you’re wasting precious time,
But then a voice comes to remind you to wait.

CHORUS
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
You will understand in time.
Why you must wait,
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
Yes He hears you,
But for now you must wait on the Lord.

Answers come slowly to your cries of desperation,
But time is His tool, teaching the greatest lessons learned;
So let Him do His work in you,
And watch the miracles come true as you wait.

(chorus)

And He wants you to know that
They that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They will rise up with wings as eagles,
They will run, not get weary.
They will walk and not faint;
That’s a promise to us when we wait.

*A love that does NOT disappoint!*

There are two things I want to share because God has really spoken to me through them lately!!!!! I love how God works!!!! He makes the worst situations turn out to be the best!!! He is such a good God! I am so thankful to Him...He blesses me so much more than I deserve!!!!!! A theme I have seen in almost all my time with the Lord lately has to do with giving thanks in all circumstances!!! A thankful heart is the best sacrifice we can give!!! It is truly an honor to Him when we are truly thankful for what He has done! And I AM very thankful! :)

I can completely relate to these lyrics below, and God is truly teaching me lessons that I will treasure forever!

"And every tear that had to fall from my eyes
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night
Every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned
Some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned."- Carrie Underwood

This next one is from the beginning of a book I'm reading called "Left at the Alter" (Thanks, Hadoo, for buying it for me!) It brought tears to my eyes because there is so much truth to what she says!!!!:

"This is not a love story about a woman and a man. This is a story about a woman and her God. A God who loved her so much that he allowed a terrible thing to happen to her. Not because he didn't love her, but because something much more important was at stake. He had invaluable life lessons for her to learn, lessons that not only would bring her closer to him, but also show her in the end that his love is the only love that will never disappoint!"-Kimberley Kennedy

*Case of the GIGGLES!*

Today I had a MAJOR case of the giggles!!! And I definitely still have a case of the giggles as I write this. It all started when nana introduced me to the old "Pink Panther" movies. They probably aren't as funny as I made them out to be, but for some reason I got the giggles today and could not stop laughing for the life of me! My abs hurt from laughing so hard. It was like a giggle work-out! I am still laughing so hard!!!! Everything seems extremely funny to me,so the parts of the movie I thought were hilarious may not be to the reader. But oh well...I like writing them out because at least I can get a laugh while remembering.

The thing that really set me off laughing was this part where Clueseau decided to dress up as a hunchback. He had this hunchback kit randomly sitting around the house with a nose and outfit and a blow up hump. Well the fact that he had a hunchback kit was funny enough for me...and I really wondered where I could get one. The hump clearly said not to blow it up too big...and of course he blew it up too big and went flying and flew by the bell and then let his air out and fell into the water. That part was not that funny...the hunchback part and this next part was. Someone called him on the phone and in the most serious voice Clueseau was like: "Why yes, it is very lucky that there was still air in my himp (hump) so that I could stay afloat until I could be rescued." I mean seriously.....he floated with his hump!!!!!! I don't know why, but that makes me laugh until I cry!!! WHERE IS MY HUMP COSTUME?!?!?! I want to dress as a hunchback!

I am very tired and out of it (obviously) so I'm just gonna write my second favorite part really quick. I have the giggles so bad you have no idea. It's so much fun...I wish I had the giggles everyday. Except for when I have them at REALLY bad times like when someone is singing or at a funeral. That is so bad, because I look like a heathen, and people accuse me of being immature. Me? Immature?? NEVER! ;) But anyways there was this other time where Clueseau was checking into a room and there was a little dog in the room and also the front desk man. So Clueseau (omg I'm laughing as I write this I can hardly get it out)...So Clueseau asked the desk guy "Does your dig bit" Which means "Does your dog bite" in his french accent. And the man was like "No"....so then Clueseau reached down to pet the little puppy and the puppy bit him so bad that all of his fingers were in the dogs mouth! WELL Clueseau was like "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" And the man just goes "That's not my dog." It was funny because that dog seemed so much like the desk man's dog. Why was the dog there anyway?! Ya..I think it's so funny...and throughout the movie they called the "toilet" the "twoliet" because they had french accents. AHHH It was so funny to me!!!!! I don't even know if it is really truly funny...but to me it was the funniest thing ever. And I am really glad I watched it, except for I can't stop laughing hours later! But I guess there are worse problems to have :)

*GOD IS SO GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!! GOODNIGHT!* :)

*Choose Forgiveness*

I'm reading a book called "Choosing Forgiveness" and it is the most amazing book I have read in a long time!!!!! My aunt Heather gave it to me and said it was the best gift I could ever give myself!!!! And it is SO true. Everyone should read it, because we all need it in one form or another! Forgiveness is truly a way of freeing yourself. It really IS a gift to yourself :)
No matter how bad the hurt, no matter if there is an apology or not...forgiveness is available. In fact it is a COMMAND from God! We can't commune with Him if we are harboring unforgiveness! But the book really brings biblical truth, and I would recomend it to anyone!

*Interesting Life?*

Today was a Kelcie day from beginning to end and it was so much fun! I asked her to get a blog, and she told me that her life wasn't as interesting as mine was and there was no way she could blog. I was like "What on earth?! My life is not interesting at all!" And at this point my phone had falled through the back of the bed to that annoying place where it's just out of reach behind the headboard. So I started to crawl under the bed and was like "I have no idea what you are talking about, my life is not that interesting!" And she started laughing so hard because while I said this I was COMPLETELY stuck under the bed. Half in and half out just screaming the words because I was stuck! That bed is sooooo not gonna be helpful if a burgaler decides to come get me. It was like just big enough for parts of me to fit, and my rear end got STUCK STUCK STUCK!!!!!! She was like "SEE!!!! look, your life is interesting! Who else is stuck under their bed right now?!" Sooo according to Kelcie your life is interesting if your booty is too big to fit under the bed while trying to get the cell. So good news. My life is interesting. According to Kelcie at least.

I have the best set up at nana's house. A huge king size bed with a plasma tv and a bathroom all to myself. I love it. I think I'll stay here more often!So today Kelcie said the funniest thing to me.... She was like: "Hey lets do what singles do and go to the zoo and hang-out with the monkeys!!!" I started laughing so hard!!!!! Apparently if you are a hip single you need to head to the zoo and chill with the Monkeys. See I think that Kelcie could make a GREAT blog. Possibly call it "According to Kelcie" cause according to Kelcie singles hang at the zoo and when she grows up she's gonna own a plane. hahaha. We both have high hopes for ourselves...lol

*Just some 12:15 am thoughts*

You know what scares me? Gated community gates. I mean they seriously have a mind of their own!!!! I feel like my car has almost gotten squooshed by the gate three times this week. Like if someone goes in before you, are you supposed to race in? Or are you supposed to put the code in again? One time I raced in afterwards, and barely made it. Then the next time I tried to type in the code, but that didn't work either. The next day the person in front of me had gone in front, so I waited for it to close, then it wouldn't close for like 10 minutes. So I finally decided to drive in and you guessed it...it started to close on me! So I had to reverse my car and make the car behind me reverse,too. Talk about awkward and terrifying.Then every time I go out the gate, it is like two inches from scraping the front of my car. Where is the point where the gate can sense the car, anyway? I feel like I'm always too close or too far away. It really scares me, and gets my heart rate up every time it's time to enter or exit the gate..I personally like the gates best that have a policeman at the front to get rid of all the confusion. lol...I am not prepared to go the gate alone!

Sooo....In all honesty, I am sorta getting tired of trying to do what's right. It really stinks trying to humble yourself. It really stinks trying to love everybody. It really stinks to control the tongue. Even though that hasn't really gone over as well as I had planned. When I'm set off, it is a scary thing to whoever receives it. Mostly because much of what I say is icy, and most of what I say is true. And truth usually hurts worst of all. It's those unspoken truths about people that are brought to light that can make the tongue the most painful weapon. Like if someone has a huge gorilla attached to their arm, but nobody says anything because it's rude. Then when they make you mad and you say "Well guess what GORILLA GIRL!"...ya...that's how I can be. And it's def not good. I'm def gonna have to have the Lord work on me there. But even when I mess up, God still pulls me close anyway...He is just amazing like that. Next time, I'll do better. It's just tiring sometimes. Jesus had lots of tiring times, and still goes through each day without being recognized by the world. To be the King of the universe and not get credit? Worse yet..have people against Him? If I were Him I would be like WHAT'S UP WORLD!!!! And come down on a rainbow and do many miracles and make every animal say at the same time : "SEE YOU ARE WRONG!!! "And then the animals could all do the Cha Cha slide while people passed out in utter amazement. And it'd feel great. But that is why I am not God. And that shows my sin nature and complete lack of self control. But I have been really working on self control and loving and forgiveness..and it's getting tiring!!!! But Paul says don't get tired of doing good. So I'm gonna pick myself up and keep moving forward! I've come so far, and the last thing I want to do is slip back.

*Goodnight*

*Two Hands* by Jars of Clay

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

*Realizations*

Last night I feel like a burden I've never had to bear before came into my life. I've never wanted to be holier than thou, and always despised when people acted as if they were too good for sin, because we are all very sinful people. But last night I was in a situation where the sin around me just cut deep into my soul. It was not even horrible sin, but it was people who had just come from an amazing church service and seemed unchanged. I felt so burdened because of the realization that there are VERY few people that are in the fight for Jesus' victory, and most of us give Satan the upper hand on many occasions. Even myself! I became so upset at all my past and everything I had done. All the times I've let Satan win the battle, and kept my eyes shut to the things of God. And those times I still read my bible and went to church and felt good about my Christianity. Most people go to church to feel warm and fuzzy, most people that go to church are not getting it completely. I feel like I am just now seeing and realizing things that I never have before. And last night the weight of sin was just so heavy on me. I felt horrible because I don't want to be that person that is so strict on sin, but the fact of the matter is....when my eyes are open to the spiritual battles in this world, sin kills me! Sin hurts my heart!!! I can't even turn on my tv much anymore because I feel so weighed down by it. It's not that I'm holier than thou, it's that it actually kills my soul! I feel a weight inside of me when I watch something that is not of God. And some of those things are only PG! I mean....it's just this world is soooo lost. The Christians are sometimes as lost as the people who are not. It is so sad. SO very, very sad. It really weighs me down, and what makes me the most sad is that Satan is getting our hearts instead of God. The one who created all things, and is the One who loves us most!!! This world is NOT FAIR! I do not like it!!!! I want my best friend, Jesus, to get the credit He deserves!!!!!!! He has patience, He knows the day is coming. But I want Him to have it NOW!!!! He is so nice to me, I just want Him to have the credit now!!!!! It makes me so upset! He calms my heart about things that should hurt Him more than me. He's just great like that.

I am sick of evil prevailing!!! I am sick of evil winning! I am sick of having to live everyday with a sin nature inside of me!!!! I am the enemy, I am a sinful person!!!! I hate it!!!!!! I want to be in Heaven and be rid of it, especially when I am so aware of it! There is a verse I was reading about how there should be weeping and sorrow over the sins we have done. The dancing should stop and sorrow should feel the air over all our sins. And I feel like that was last night. I was weeping, crying as hard as I can cry over what I have done before. All the times I let Satan win. All of the times I let the fog come over my eyes and just went on with life my own way. All the times I chose to not ask for wisdom, and live in darkness. All the times I sinned and didn't even feel guilty!!!! I mean, it is horrible!!!!! So many people are exactly where I was!!!! Reading their bible, and going to church, yet still letting Satan win!!! People in the church can be just as lost as people out of the church. I was so lost. I thought I had everything sorted out, I thought I had life figured out. But I was SO wrong. Lots of people are so wrong, and I just want to scream WAKE UP!!!!! Hello!!!! We are all helping the Devil here!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE THE CHURCH!!!! It makes me so sad. And last night things that had never bothered me before started to break my heart. God is opening my eyes to a lot of things, but the realization of the battle, and the Christians helping out the evil one makes my heart sick. This is a heavy post, but it's the truth. My human nature kinda wishes I didn't know the truth. Didn't see the battle. Because it hurts. We like to do things that make ourselves feel warm and fuzzy. But the realizations are not warm and fuzzy. But God gives me warm and fuzzy feelings when I turn to Him in my time of sadness. He comforted me last night, and taught me about patience. He could destroy this evil world, but he is patient and waiting for others to come to Him. What a good God!!!!! He is SO AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! :) He is the only one who brings true wisdom!

*And the other's gold*

Lately I've gotten to hang-out with the people who have been in my life all along. Yesterday I got to see Allyson who I have known from birth, and today I got to hang-out with Sarah and Rebekah who I've known from birth also! I see Macy all the time now, and of course I've known her since she was born. Meagan came over today and we have been best friends since 7th grade, and Katelind has been there forever, but unfortunately she is in Rome right now. It's really hard getting messages from her, but not getting to call back! Noel came over today as well, and we have been friends for many years! I'll be hanging out with Kelcie a lot, too, and we have been close for years. I love it that I have friends that stick by me my entire life. It's a great feeling, and brings back so many good memories. God has blessed me with people who are so loyal, and I appreciate Him so much for that!!!! Praise the Lord!!!! The Lord has been good to me! :)

I went to physical therapy and it was SO MUCH FUN!!!!! It was a ton of guys between the ages of 26-33 hanging out talking to me. Apparently they didn't have any clients other than me, and most of them were personal trainers anyway. These men were the funniest men and they seemed happy that I was there. It was tons of fun!!!! I can't wait to go back Thursday! Hurting my elbow might have been a great thing, haha! They talked about getting me involved in personal training, and hardcore work-outs...they obviously don't know who they are talking to. Canvas starts tonight..it has moved to Tuesday nights so I'm pumped!!!! I love worshipping there, it always is a time where I really get stuff out of it spiritually, and have a lot of personal growth in the Lord. I'm excited to see what He has in store for tonight! In my personal spiritual life He has definitely had a lot in store..and like the bible says...Those who put their trust in the Lord will not be disappointed.

*I'm a Bridesmaid!*

Today Allyson asked me and Molly to be her bridesmaids, and it was so exciting!!! I was completely surprised!!! We all jumped around screaming and scared everyone around us. It was so fun, and it makes me look forward to all the amazing things we are gonna get to do over the next year. It is a privlege and honor for her to ask me, and she is such a special girl in my life so I wouldn't have it any other way! There hasn't been a day in my life that I have not known her. About three hours after she asked us to be her bridesmaids we drove by her house and said "Look out your window!" We drove by honking and said "We are gonna stalk you, because that's the duty of a bridesmaid!!!" She might of started to second guess her choice at that point...haha


Molly got her finger sized for a ring today....it is a fun/crazy feeling. I can't believe that Molly is going to be engaged soon. I am so happy for her! It is just strange because I have two whole years of school left, and marriage is not even close to in sight. Molly might have like five kids before I even find that Godly man that I'm waiting for. I mean the guy I want...well I haven't even met anyone like him before, but i have to trust God that he exists. Because there is no way I'm gonna go into a marriage with someone who isn't 100% on fire for the Lord! The Lord has opened my eyes to many things, and I will settle with nothing less than someone who is running strait in the direction of God. I am setting my standards much higher than I have in the past, because this is my life we are talking about. And if I trust in the Lord, and wait on Him, and TRULY seek after Him with all my heart...He will bless me for it. Just like He has blessed Molly. So until then, I am staying single. If I'm single for ten years, then so be it! Because I'd much rather be single, than be somewhere with someone that the Lord doesn't want!!! I've tried to put matters in my own hands my entire life, because I was so afraid that guy wasn't out there. But I'm done putting things into my own hands, and I'm more than willing to wait as long as it takes to become the woman of God I am supposed to be, and find that man who loves the Lord first and foremost. Someone who I can trust and count on to lead me spiritually, and take care of my heart. Because if I don't trust the person I'm with, I am a disaster. I think that I would be much easier to be around if I was dating someone I trusted. So for now...I'm gonna enjoy my single life for however long it takes...years even...and I'll just make the best of all the marriage around me and have so much fun with it!!!! I'm excited for them, and I know God has some great things in store!!!!!!!!!


I went to the doctor for my elbow today, which I have to have physical therapy for now! I wish that I would've never hurt it in the first place, because it is a constant reminder of one of the worst nights of my life!!! My elbow pain needs to leave, so I won't be reminded! But I'm still really happy with how things are going in my life, and I owe it all to the Lord!!!! He has a lot in store for me, and is teaching me so much. I am really excited at the spiritual insights I have been getting and can't wait to get more!!!!! The Lord is GOOD!!!!!!!! :)

*Blogger At Heart*

The title of this post is true....It's my confession. I love to blog and I will always love to blog until the day I die. I miss the days when we were all in ninth grade and blogging was the cool thing to do. So I am going to revert back to those glory days and start a blog again...even if only one person reads it twice a year.

Today is Mother's Day and let me tell you...I have one of the best moms ever! I am so thankful for her, and I feel like God has blessed me so much since the first day I was born!!! I have SUCH a great mom, which explains why I turned out so amazing. Okay, just kidding...but really. I got her salt and pepper shakers from Cracker Barrel, and I think you all should buy gifts from that place because they wrap the gift for you! I mean, that is the biggest relief I can think of! I do not appreciate spending time trying to wrap a gift and cut out the right size, then the paper is way too big or too small. I would just rather have it done for me. And in reality the person receiving the gift is better off as well.

Sooo...It's OFFICIALLY SUMMER!!! I am soooo glad to be back in Little Rock because there are two Hallmark shops, and a Target. How on earth do I live all school year without those shops?! I have managed to keep my room clean, and bring all my college stuff home without completely wrecking the place. This is quite the accomplishment! I am trying to turn over a new leaf, and be clean. We will see how long that lasts. I am guessing about two weeks...but maybe more! The Lord does work miracles. Speaking of the Lord, He has been doing so much in my life and I'm really excited about it!!! He is revealing Himself to me in ways He never has before, and I am soo excited about what He is going to do in my life and heart! I feel so close to Him right now, and it is one of the best feelings. There is no place in life I'd rather be than were I am right now. Because this is exactly where God wants me, and He gives me supernatural peace and joy. I thank God everyday for what He has done and continues to do!!! My God is mighty to save! And if you pray for wisdom, God will give it graciously! Ask for it!!!! It's an awesome thing! :)