*Perceptions*

I think I'm going to make a really good old person. I say this because I spent about thirty minutes tonight sitting on my table counting fireflies out the back window. I bet old people do that sometimes. Kinda like birdwatching only better. I found it to be quite enjoyable.…I mean, what else would I be doing on a Saturday night, anyway?

It looks like I have nothing to do on a Saturday night, but that's not true. I do get phone calls and invites but choose to look out the window instead. I was invited to do three things tonight, but I said no to all of them. I had friends up at my lake house all day today, but I just couldn't go. I'd rather be counting fireflies and relaxing by the window, which is why I'll make a great old person.

I used to constantly be worried about being with people and going places and proving to myself that I AM likeable. Like maybe if I was invited places enough or if I had so many friends that would make me feel important. But all it really did was make me tired. I've learned not to weigh my worth depending on how many people like me or not. I've learned that if I go an entire day without getting one phone call or text that's OKAY. It doesn't make me worth any less. It doesn't make me feel like there must be something wrong with me, because well….it doesn't really matter what others think. It doesn't matter if people can't live without me and deem me desirable. Regardless of my social life (or lack there of), I'm still worth the same.

Before I got this new and freeing mentality, I always had to have a boy in my life. I felt like if I had a guy calling me and making me feel important then I truly WAS important. When they would stop, I'd feel completely unworthy of anything because they had deemed me unworthy. How dumb is that? What does one persons perception of me really matter anyway? Why would we ever place our worth in the hands of a human? That is just a little crazy. So someone doesn't like you…so what? There is not a person on earth that doesn't have someone that has negative feelings towards them. NOT ONE. I'd be willing to bet on that.

As I was looking out the window tonight I started to think about perceptions. Every person that comes into contact with me has a different view of who I am, and not one can see the whole picture. One person may think I'm fun and love being around me. Another may find me obnoxious and never want to hang out at all. Some may see me as entirely trustworthy and loyal and come to me with problems. Others think I'm a blabber mouth and would never trust me with anything. Another may see me as an enemy that chews people out and has a bad temper. I've been the "other girl" in a few instances, so I'm sure there are a some girls out there that wouldn't mind seeing me thrown off a cliff. Some may perceive me as outgoing and social, another may think I'm a loner. One might see me as a great Christian girl, and another may wonder how I could ever call myself a Christian at all. It all depends on the perceptions and life interactions we've had with each other. But one thing is certain…nobody sees me the same way.

Which got me thinking….if nobody sees me the same way, then who is seeing who I really am? And the answer to that truthfully is…NO ONE! No one can ever see who I truly am, not every aspect anyway. Every perception that people have of me probably has some truth to it, both the good AND the bad. But every perception probably has some faulty ideas in it as well. Even if a person's perception has truth to it, it's never a good picture of ALL of me. None of it is enough to make a judgement about me. None of it really gives a good idea of who I am as a whole person. Not even the people who have known me my entire life. They have perceptions of me, too…just a wider perception that has more of the pieces. But nobody is ever going to be able to see the whole puzzle put together that makes up who I am. Only God can see that.

Realizing that God is the only one that has the TRUE perception of who I am made me realize how important my relationship with Him really is. He's the only One who knows me to my very core. He knows me better than I know myself. Even I have a perception of myself that is probably not exactly accurate. It's nice to realize that God is the only one that knows me, because He has deemed me worthy. He says I am loveable and there's not one part of me He doesn't know. When the puzzle pieces are put together and the whole entire Abby is put before Him, He says I AM enough. He says He didn't mess up when He made my personality. It doesn't really matter what others think. Especially when the ones who don't like me don't have the full picture anyway. And maybe the people I don't like are more than I can see as well.