*You don't know me like that!*

I'm very sad to report that the Alfred Angelo store is not only a disappointment, but the most frightening shopping experience I've ever had in my life. It didn't take long after getting into the store to realize that there was something fishy going on. Immediately a scary lady came up to me and got way too close to my face.

"We have to hurry up because there is an appointment at five!" boomed a lady of clear self imposed importance. "It's okay..I'm a pretty independent person. I like to look and try on things by myself anyway." She looked down her nose at me. "NO! WE do not let you do things on your own here at Alfred Angelo! NOW WHAT SIZE!!!"... What size?! Do you have to ask it so harshly, lady? Could we have a little small talk first to ease the pain? And could you please give me a little personal space?

She then proceeds to tell me that I have to come out after trying on every dress so she can put her hands all over my back with these fabric clippers. All I could think was: "You don't know me like that, woman! Nobody knows me like that!!!" It was completely and utterly OUT OF CONTROL! Then she told me to take off my pants and shoes and I raised my voice a bit:"NO! NO, NO, NO!!! I will NOT take off my pants and shoes!!!!" I couldn't even act like I wasn't freaked out. Has she ever heard of something I like to call HUMAN RIGHTS?!

My eyes got as big as the half ton man on TLC by this point. I thought I could find safety in the dressing room, but I was mistaken."Hang up every dress after you try them on! DO you hear me?"....DO I HEAR YOU!?!?! Pretty sure I couldn't stop hearing you if I tried!!! Did I mention the tight three garment rule and how she treated me a like a hoodlum? How about the fact that she acted like I was lucky to be in Alfred Angelo and I felt like I was catering to HER. She badmouthed David's Bridal some too and David is the man.

We both decided it wasn't even worth trying on anymore and left immediately. I would not be surprised if she vacuumed up the floor where we stepped and sent us a "you're welcome" card for allowing us to be in the presence of such "greatness". Not okay.

*I wondered what it felt like*

There I was...off in my own little daydreaming world doodling on my notebook when I heard the teacher say something very unexpected:"If you are confused and need to see how to do the report correctly, just refer to Abby's paper." (Insert RECORD SCRATCH/BACK TO REALITY moment) I looked up from my doodle and quickly scanned the room to see if there was another Abby I was unaware of. Then I noticed a paper that had been handed out to me earlier but I was too busy drawing to look at. 100%?!?! So it wasn't a mix up...the teacher had actually told the whole class that I was a go to girl. Me...put it on the record.

Once I realized what had actually happened, I said to the class: "WOW! That has never happened to me before. I've always wondered what it would feel like and it feels even better than I imagined!" The class laughed but I was being totally serious. It was super awesome to have my named called out for something other than a lunch ticket. For that moment in life...I ruled.

Another "pigs really can fly" moment happened this week as well. A guy came up to me at church on Thursday and said: "Hey, were you the girl running on ___ street yesterday?" I started laughing so hard because YES!! I WAS!!! I totally told him that I was that sprinter and I could say it with a clear conscience.

Only thing is..I was actually playing a prank on Molly and Logan at the time. I told Molly that I was a runner now and so I dressed up and got ready for what looked like a run. (I was actually just gonna go on a contemplative walk to listen to my new itunes, but she had no idea)

So I started on my walk, but knew full well that Molly and Logan would be driving up soon. When I knew they could see me, I started to SPRINT as fast as I could for a long time until they were out of sight. I actually got shin splints over it, but I totally had them fooled! "WOW! Abby really takes her running seriously." thought my shocked sister. Too bad I paid the price and have been in utter ruin ever since. At least a guy at church totally thought I was one of "those girls". At least he even asked me, that in itself is compliment enough. haha

Truth is, I really have done better in school and exercised more than ever before and it makes me realize that we do have what it takes to change ourselves for the better. I have been trying to be more of the person that a teacher would refer to, and it actually came to pass. I love to realize more and more how we can reach an even higher potential than we ever imagined thanks to the strength and support that comes from Christ!

But don't worry...I won't ever change TOO much. Life is just more fun when you don't take life soooooo seriously. (aka obsessed with school or working out allll the live long day.) I am Abby and I always will be Abby which is fine with me. Like I said a few days ago: "The Pumpkin Patch is only as lame as you are, and I am definitely not lame." I am happy with who God made me to be, but doing well in what God has called me to do is important, too. :)

*Am I being punk'd?! NO…BETTER!!!*

I came to a new wonderful conclusion while watching "When in Rome" the other day. The first scene is the leading lady talking about her ex as he walks up behind her. He turns her around and says suddenly "I was wrong…I thought that I couldn't love someone who was so obsessed with her work, but now I know I can". So her friends are like "OH MY GOODNESS!! HE says he's wrong!!!" and they THOUGHT they overheard him saying he wants to marry her so they start the band and a big congratulatory music set arises. The only problem is..what he REALLY said was the he found a woman who is obsessed with her work and he's going to marry THAT girl. So basically the whole room is dancing around celebrating her engagement that is nothing more than an embarrassing mix up. It zeros in on her face dramatically and I related in that moment all too well.

The good news is it's GREAT that I could relate. Why would that be great, you ask? Because it means I'm being set up to be the greatest heroine of all time! (Now, I'm not talking about the drug Heroine, because Macy got a little confused on that one.) I am talking about the leading lady whose love story is worth making a movie about. The one who watches everything work out for everybody else while her life gets more awkward and heart breaking by the minute. Some people have a smooth pathway to love and everything turns out just right. But that's not the case for a heroine…no…if you look closely at romantic comedies the main character is usually the one who has gone through many tortured moments and is in a position that nobody really wants to be in. She is the one everyone prays will be comforted so they don't feel so bad about being happy.

But she's supposed to have it rough. That's why she's the heroine! What we love about her is that things work out even though she's always been the quirky girl who watches everyone else fall in love and has had her life constantly in utter shambles. She has to live an awkward record scratching life before her love story can be intriguing and fun to watch. Things may not be easy, but in the end she is the one who has a movie about her life. It wouldn't be interesting if she didn't make a complete fool out of herself and spend many nights with only ben and jerry for company. And in my case..having people figure out which one of the twins I am by grabbing my hand and saying as loudly as possible: "NOPE! It's Abby..NO RING. Are you okay by the way? How are you umm..ya know..handling things. Praying for you by the way." Am I right or am I right?

Here are some examples for you:

Never Been Kissed- the completely freakazoid girl hasn't even kissed anyone and has gone through a tortured life being a fashionless nerd. She then gets to go back to highschool and fall in love with a hottie teacher who gives her the best first kiss of her life. I know this because I rewound it a couple of times the first time I watched it. It was just too cute to watch only once.

While You Were Sleeping- weird train station girl finally gets the chance to fall in love when she she fakes being the fiance of the man she's been in love with for sometime. Smashed by a truck and unconcious, he has no way of stopping her. She actually falls in love with his brother, though, but that's beside the point. The love that came from that train wreck and her foolish lies would not be as interesting if she wasn't a creepy stalker at a train station with nothing going for her. JUST SAYIN.

Legally Blond- When she thinks she's being proposed to she's really being dumped. She has the same face I referred to earlier and it only gets worse from there. She has to start from the bottom up and her ex chooses a prude with too much seriousness in her tone of voice to marry instead. Luckily, everything works out for Elle and if it just worked out all along that wouldn't even be any fun, now would it?!

Classic Cinderella- She's gotta take her chance with the fireplace before she has any chance to take on love. Rags to riches…terrible circumstances to glorious dancing at the ball.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding- Unattractive shy girl who slowly creeps behind the counter and has never had a man even look her way finally hits her big break. Everything is terrible, and then mr. long locks walks in and changes her life forever.

27 Dresses- Girl has to watch everyone else and their moms get married while she just has a closet full of bridesmaid dresses. How disappointing would it be if she was the first to get married and everything turned out right?! BOOOORING. A movie can't be made from that weak storyline! Unless something goes wrong and the man turns out to have lied about the fact that he's actually a hermaphrodite, there's no movie to be made.

Now, I know what you're thinking…why is she even saying all this? Why does she even have to realize that she may be in the midst of being set up to be the greatest heroine in the history of the world? She's incredible and amazing and beautiful and I hear she's a prodigy child. She's single and 22 and has the world at her fingertips! And saying that would be correct. Being single and 22 IS very normal….but being single at 22 with a twin sister who is married? WELL…people tend to take that a little differently. Just ask the folks who are worried about me and ask my family how I'm doing. ORRRR ask the people who come up to me and say "WOW. You must be such a strong woman. I could NEVER do it." (insert my awkward what do I say face here)

All I know is this…..the things that happen to me are SO bizarre and ridiculous that it's almost comical. My love life throughout my life has been soo tragic and awkward that it only makes since that I'll be the leading lady one day. Infact, it makes me remember back to my first awkward/horrifying love situation in seventh grade. I REALLY liked this boy back then and we hung out a lot but he never saw me as more than a friend. But FINALLY when February came around he approached me with love in his eyes. "What do you think a girl your age would like for Valentine's Day?!" he asked excitedly. My heart beat faster and my palms became sweaty…ohhh my GOSH! Is this what I think it is?! "Umm..you know, flowers, chocolates, a card or something." I said back as cool as I could.Then he looked at me and said in what felt like the loudest tone ever: "GREAT! Katie will LOVE it!" Did I mention that Katie was one of my best friends? Hot blonde with shapely firm legs. Yep. That best friend.

It's one of those things where it's like there's no way this would happen to anybody else. I even had a pinecone fall on my head when I was at my wits end a few years ago after I flung myself dramatically in the grass. It just DOESN'T happen. That's why I'm here to let you know in advance that my life story will be one of the greatest stories in the history of all time.

Soooo..next time I am put in a situation that makes me cry out: "Am I being punkd?!"... I can confidently move forward and know that my story is just getting that much better.

*Reminder*

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

First of all, can I just say that spelling "Deuteronomy" by memory is quite a difficult task. Even though this particular book of the bible is hard to spell and kind of awkward looking, it's definitely got an important message to share. Over the past couple of days I've really felt the Lord tugging on my heart and reminding me of this verse and how important it is to Him.

Many, many times in my life the Lord has ripped all of my deepest dependencies out from under me. It's usually been a person and where I felt the most confident and secure. Each time was an extremely painful and bloody process, but every time I gained so much more than I lost. I learned how to put the Lord first because I had no other choice, which was so generous and merciful of the Lord to allow. Finding out where my true security lies when all I have left is me and God is one of the most important things I've learned in my life. I wouldn't say that I want it to happen again, but if it comes to that I'd be willing. We are in a good place when our dependency is in God alone. It's easy to feel like we can get our security from people or nice circumstances, but that's not the case. People are imperfect,unpredictable, and unable to give us the security and protection that the Lord wants to give us.

Sometimes I find myself basing how I feel about my day on how the people I care most about have been treating me. I read something today that I really needed to hear concerning this:
"If you let your basic well being depend on another person's behavior, you elevate that person to a position only the Lord should occupy. It is not only displeasing to the Lord, but destructive. Because people are not perfect, your life may come to resemble a roller coaster ride, subject to the mood and whims of other people. Even worse, your intimacy with the Lord may be hindered by your preoccupation with someone else."

I need to be reminded pretty often of these things because when I love people I love them with everything I have. I don't care deeply for many people, but the ones that I do, my entire heart and loyalty is given. This makes it really easy to make people my idol and care more about how they feel about me than the Lord. I know He made my heart to love deeply for a good reason, but I need to make sure I'm using it the way He intended, and not allowing it to be a major cause of footholds in my life.

I'm so glad I was reminded of this tonight because basing how I feel on how other people feel about me can get pretty exhausting. My true security is in the Lord which makes me breathe a sigh of relief because:
1.) I've known God a while now and He is always loving and accepting and 2.) He is never going to leave me, which means He's coming with me after I graduate which is good to know.

*Biking Mom and The Don'ts of Profile Pictures*

Every morning I open my window to see what's going on outside before I get ready. I usually see a runner or two jogging up the hill with gloomy frowns on and sweat running down their faces. Nobody smiles when they jog and by the looks of it, they must be having a terrifying experience. They look like sheep going to the slaughter and if you don't believe me, stare at some joggers every morning if you get the chance.

Today I happened to see an extremely thin/tan young mom riding swiftly up the hill on a bike with her baby on the back. My mouth flew open and I mouthed to her with a mad face "SHOW OFF!". That's not the kinda thing I like to see when I wake up in the morning. But the cute baby with the little helmet on the back was definitely adorable. Maybe one day i'll dress my baby up like that because it IS so cute, but nix the whole pumping tirelessly up the hill before dawn part.

On another note, I've noticed something over the past few years that needs to be addressed. It is somewhat of a modern day phenomenon if you will. Single men have the hardest time picking out profile pictures that are even a little bit okay. Attractive men find the most revolting picture they can and post it up on their page. Ladies, how many times do we want to show our girlfriends who we have a crush on only to have to say: "Oh wait, let me find another, this is a HORRIBLE picture of him!" Who is tired of having to say this?! I know I am. I think they truly think they are picking a good picture, so I've decided to make a few rules to go by in order to help any single man out there that is guilty of committing some profile picture crimes.

Profile Picture Don'ts:

1.) Don't put a picture of you shirtless showing off your muscles in the bathroom. You love your muscles more than we do, so please refrain.

2.) Don't put a picture up of you surrounded by girls. That's the most unattractive thing in the world, but at least your "boys" may think you're awesome…however,no girls will.

3.) Don't put a picture up of you and your car. We don't even know what that car is or why you happen to have it in your picture. I'm looking to see what you look like, not your car.

4.) Don't put a picture of you with a strange smile on. Ask a woman if your smile is weird, because she'll know.

5.) Don't put a picture of yourself from years ago. This is considered false advertisement in the worst sense and you should be ticketed by the police. Pick something recent.

6.) Don't put a picture of you and your latest dead animal kill. It does not stir the heart of a woman to see you with blood all over your hands and bambi mercilessly in your arms.

7.) Don't put a picture of yourself not smiling, because it makes you look like a creeper. On the creeper note…make sure you avoid any pictures where you happen to have a creeper mustache. The other phenomenon is what facial hair men think is actually appealing to us. Let me help you out here as well….Fails of facial hair= Soul patch, Random circular hair on your chin, only a mustache, and let's throw the go-t in there as well.

Now for what you SHOULD do:

1.) Do ask the girls around you if you look your best in the picture or not. They know better than you do.

2.) Do put a picture of you and a baby if you are really wishing to look attractive. Infact…there's a book which has a picture of a man shirtless on one side and a man with a baby on the other fully clothed. Studies show that a woman is more attracted to the man with the baby! SO TRUE!!!

3.) How about I just give the ultimate advice to ask the females in your life what profile picture you should choose. Even if you aren't dating, there are still girls that cross your path so use them as a resource. Men who are no longer single usually have a better profile picture and I have a sneaky suspicion that there's a woman behind it all. And if you have no women to talk to…I'm always here for you.

*A Little Quirky*

My new bathroom mate has only lived with me a couple of days and has already come to the conclusion that I'm a "quirky" person. Now, I'm not sure exactly what she's referring to, but I have definitely gotten this kind of feedback throughout my entire life. I have taken a little bit of time to search myself and see if these accusations of "quirkiness" have any sort of truth to it, and surprisingly, I found a few….

I admit it. I like paper products, okay? In fact I LOVE them. I love the way a paper towel feels when I hold it and I usually get three more than I really need just for the comfort factor. Besides, this world is a messy place, and paper products are here to help us out. I love all kinds of paper, I'm not particular to any kind. I love print paper, toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, paper cups,napkins, posters, books…..as long as it is paper, I'm a happy girl. People say once I start buying my own paper products, i'll stop using them so much. I'm here to tell you that my budget for paper products will be a major priority.

As I've talked about in earlier blogs, I have a case of halitaphobia (a never ending fear of bad breath). I brush my teeth all the time and never forget if someone else has bad breath. I can forgive a few times, but people smelling good is very important to me. I assumed everyone else was the same way, but apparently not…my obsession is very much particular to me. A few people could use a good case of halitaphobia every once in a while if you ask me. That's a good quirk to have.

I experience the world through my nose which means I smell everything like a dog. I thought this was normal, until someone let me know it wasn't. People are quick to single out these days. I can't function if a room smells funky and I do better on my homework if I have a drier sheet to sniff. I took a drier sheet to the Praxis because those testing rooms smells very, very strange. How could I make a good grade sitting in a place like that? Bad smells are the enemies of learning!

I can't go to sleep unless my cell phone is perfectly strait and I usually take about a minute a night trying to straighten it just so. When i was little I used to have a weird issue where I would have to touch everything with both hands. Like…if my left hand brushed the wall then I had to take my right hand and brush it also. If I touched one side of my face, I had to touch the other. Everything needed to equal out. If I turned on a light switch, I had to pretend to turn it on with my other hand as well. It was a really frustrating time, because living like that is not easy, believe me!!! I remember being distressed and tired at night from my equalling out issue. Thankfully, those days are past me and I have ridden myself of that quirk! If you are a psychologist reading this, I'm sure you're having a hay day. I'm your dream come true!

I have a certain chair at home that is MY chair. I've sat in the same spot at the dinner table since I was little and get very nervous when that changes. My sister's now husband came to our house for the first time and he sat in my chair and I very politely had to let him know how the house works. "That's MY chair." I said with a smile. Everyone started laughing, but I was staring at the chair with a very serious intention of getting it back. Mom gets me in trouble sometimes because she says I need to be able to move chairs, but it's a little more complicated than just "moving chairs".

I love windows. I can stare out windows for a long time and the whole educational department can vouch for me. Between classes I just stand like a creeper at the window looking out. The first thing I do every morning is open my window and look at everything outside for about five minutes. It gets my day started out in the best way. I think I might be an outdoorsy person because I like windows so much, but it's just a better situation if it's inside the glass.

I am a recovering germophobe. I think about the germs crawling everywhere on a daily basis. I love anti bacterial, it's my best friend. I'm not grossed out by the germs of nature, but I am very grossed out by the germs of humans. I wash my hands a TON. If my hands feel in the least bit dirty, I lose all functioning. I like for my hands to smell like soap all the time which can also relate back to my smelling issue. My nose is just really keen and picky.

I always think that I have a terminal illness or something medically wrong with me. When I hear about a sickness, I feel like I'm getting it myself. It's not like I want to be this way, but my body really does start hurting!!! It's like something I can't control. If your foot hurts, my foot hurts….literally.

I guess you could call these things "quirks". But I think that everybody has them, but maybe are too afraid to come out and say it. That's what I tell myself anyway. In my world, EVERYBODY is a quirky person. It's what makes life interesting.

*Roaches and Robbers*

I'm writing to you from Macy's room, because I have fled the scene of a major incident. If you know me, you know that I have a really hard time spending the night out so this is a BIG deal. I don't want to panic anyone, but earlier today I was maturely doing my homework in bed when all the sudden I saw something out of the corner of my eye crawl on my blanket. Next thing I know a monstrosity of a roach is hopping off the covers and scurrying right beside me on the wall! I ran as fast as I could to my closet and grabbed a shoe to get rid of the problem, but all it did was make it fall onto my bed and shake violently on it's back! Guts everywhere…on my covers and on the wall!!!!! It was a VERY serious situation.

My suite mate thought I had broken a leg from my screaming and was relieved it was only a roach…...Only a roach?! ONLY A ROACH?!?!? You may laugh and say it's not big deal, but have YOU had a roach in your bed?! Walk two seconds in my shoes and then we'll talk. Luckily Jessica had a few roach traps laying around because she brought her entire household to school. We pushed my bed away from all the walls and set traps for the next beast who comes out to play. I still can't get the guts to go back into my bed, but hopefully i'll have the courage after I douse the entire room with roach killer tomorrow. It's just too late to get it now and I'm honestly really tired. For now….I'm bunking in the hibernation station. (aka Macy's room)

I have been through a great deal of strife in the past two days not only because of the roach, but also because of a robber and lockdown. A bank robber decided it'd be a good idea to run from the po po through OBU's campus not knowing our safety officers are specially trained in guerilla warfare and other scary things. We were on lockdown for two hours while the robber was having what I like to call…a REALLY bad day.

I would be lying if I told you I didn't make three panicked laps around the coffee table with my other suite mate when the "VIOLENT ACTIVITY ON CAMPUS" alarm was going off. The alarm in our building is so serious, I wish they would make it a little more light. It yelled at me and made me panic even more! If the alarm wasn't so alarming, I wouldn't have been such a mess. Luckily, we started laughing at ourselves pretty quick and 95% of the lockdown was actually really funny.