I was never one to do New Years resolutions because I always felt like I was setting myself up for failure. The last thing I needed was one more thing to be discouraged about so I usually just let it go. Last year a pastor at our church named Terry Feix gave a New Years sermon that has stuck with me since and has given me a new perspective. It wasn't about resolutions but it was about making a plan for some heart change. I wish I could remember exactly what he said but I can't, I do remember how it made me feel, though. It made me feel like I could make changes without feeling guilt or stress or striving too hard. He made me realize that it's okay if I don't always get it right every single day and that it's not about being perfect. I felt free and like I could actually change, or rather...I could allow God to change ME without letting the feeling of discouragement set me back.
The verse in the sermon was "Lead a life worthy of the calling you received."- Ephesians 4:1. He told us to write out the verse as well as a few things we were going to work on and put it out as a reminder to us and those around us. On my piece of paper I wrote down I wanted to work on encouragement to others, kindness, forgiveness, focus, and not losing hope. I also prayed for a word for 2017 and God very clearly told me JOY.
The verse that immediately stood out to me about joy was Nehemiah 8:10 -"Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Many of y'all know the year before with my tough pregnancy and post partum depression was definitely marked with dejection and sadness. It was wave after wave of life hitting hard and I let it knock me down. One person came up to me one day and told me that it looked like my light had gone out and that she prayed it would come back because it was a light that was needed. A light gone out is not something that brings others to Christ and that really got me praying for a change.
We always talk about this particular verse in Nehemiah but I thought it was interesting what it says a few verses later: "So the people went away to eat at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God's words and understood them." Nehemiah 8:12
THEY HAD HEARD GOD'S WORD AND UNDERSTOOD THEM. That's what gave them great joy. I can tell you that one of the main reasons that I let life get me down and I lost my joy is I started listening to my problems and my pain much more than I was listening to God. This time last year I was not joy filled, I was just moving through the motions, and I wasn't doing much other than surviving. Granted, for me being a new mom is no joke and I'm pretty sure I'd be a train wreck if I did it again, too. (Which I will not!! Two and through, people!) I truly felt God's grace in that, though. He really gave me more grace than I could possibly deserve. God is proud of us new mamas and the bible says he gently leads those who have young and that's what He did for me. I'm here for any of you mamas that ride the struggle bus that first year of having a child, ha! And so is God. I wasn't ready to hear some big spiritual truth in those months of a colicky baby and post partum depression that's for sure. But He sustained me and loved me through it all. And He used everything for my good just like He promised and looking back I wouldn't change a thing because He's used it in some of the biggest plans for my life.
I think that's where my joy is coming from. Truly trusting God for maybe the first time in my whole life. I always thought that I trusted God but I don't think I really did. I feel this sense of knowing for certain that He does work everything together for my good and that even if I don't feel Him working, time always proves to me that He is and always has been.
I feel like I have changed so much for the better and it's because I've experienced God in a whole new way and started learning and understanding more truth about who He really is. In this fallen world where we deserve nothing but troubles, He has created so much GOOD. So much beauty and love and things to experience that point us to Him and give us the tiniest glimpse of what our forever home in Heaven will look like. And He will never leave us or make us go through anything alone. All of that just overwhelms me. His care for the details of my life just overwhelms me.
Another way I've found joy is I joined a ministry and that has given me an unexplainable peace I can't even begin to try to put in words. I had NO IDEA that something like MOMS. would literally fall into my lap just a few months into 2017.
I've found joy in prayer. Really taking time to pray and really trusting God whatever His answer. I have prayed more this year than I ever have and it gives me this joy deep down and releases so much stress. I've realized more than ever that I'm not in control of much at all, but God is and He's out for my good and on my side. If there's one thing I can say, PRAYING is what has changed me the most. Our church even has a prayer room at the main campus upstairs and I've frequented it a few times this year. It's so peaceful and there's something about the big religious looking bible that just helps me get in the zone, haha. Seriously, it does...but I am laughing as I type that.
God gave me a friend this year who makes me laugh and brings out the loudest and most ridiculous side of me that has helped me show joy in an easy way. She taps into my funny side, my dancing in public side, my never caring what anyone thinks side. It's like a button is pushed when she walks in the room and I'm the happiest version of myself. And she just so happens to be the President of MOMS. my ministry so we are in this for the long haul and I'm so grateful for that. God also brought me a new friend who pushes me to be a better me and gets me to open up like nobody else. She has caused me to make some changes in myself that have been crucial to my life and what I can do for God. She happens to be the Vice President of the ministry so we were definitely not put together by mistake. We are in this life together for the long haul. I know God smiled when we all met, maybe there was even a chorus in Heaven?! I'd like to think that.
I've realized what they mean by joy not being the same as happiness. It's really the unwavering faith in the goodness of God and the promise He has for us that will not let us down. It's the solid belief that even if everything around us is going wrong, God still is out for our good. But it also can feel a lot like happy, too. I read the other day that we shouldn't let the well of smiling and laughter run dry and I couldn't agree more. And the best reason to smile and laugh is hearing God's word and truly understanding it because if we really understand it, then our hope and joy can't help but overflow.
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