Wait…what?
The end of THIS week? As in, a week prior to when my amazing genius juice of last minute starts flowing? What could he possibly be speaking of? Before I could answer him, he already took all the decorations off the living room wall, put together four boxes, and pulled everything from the guest closet like the energizer bunny. "Sit down…REST", I said extremely confused. "I took off work today to drive back, I HAVE to get something productive done."
The other day he looked at Beau playing and said: "That baby has more equity in toys than any kid I know!" That statement says a lot about who he is and a lot about who I am. His wheels are always turning about business and assets and planning for the future/being productive, while I'm thinking about how to make Beau's play life more fun.
In a marriage book about personalities and how it effects relationships, he is motivated by achieving goals and I'm motivated by fun and achieving goals does nothing for me. Apparently our personality types work the best together and have the least amount of work when it comes to coexisting which is funny because we are so different, but it real does work somehow.
We decided to compromise and do it halfway in between, but I think I'll just pack it up early because he has enough to worry about as it is. If it makes him feel that much better, why not? I appreciate that he's so motivated and I wish he could give some of the juice to me!!! That would be really nice. I don't know how someone can live such a productive life, but I'm thankful my husband is that way. Even though it's very different than the way I think, it benefits me in so many ways.
We are truly under construction in every sense these days. Not only are we building a house, but Brian is building an office building as well. Everything that our future holds is just grass and dirt and a thought right now. It'll be interesting to see the changes this year both in our physical lives and inner lives as well. I have so many things I want to build on in my heart that God has already started a foundation for. I know that my inner "house" won't be completely built until I'm in Heaven, but the work done on it is important none the less.
I know each phase of life brings opportunities to experience God in new ways and learn more and become a better person because of it. I'm hoping this transition time is a transition of the heart as well. I feel like I've been knocking on a spiritual ceiling for a while now, and I'm ready to break out and see what's on the other side. Moving here and experiencing the isolation that I have has been really good for me because it's forced me to think about spiritual things that I didn't have to think about before. Lots of times when God is teaching me something, my human mind can only fathom so much of it at a time. That's what I mean by banging on a ceiling…it's like I only see half of what He's trying to say, and when the rest is finally taken in and understood, I'll break free and move on to a new and beautiful place.
I still have a lot of construction to do when it comes to building my new life here, too. I am ready to stop wrestling with God about why He couldn't just bring the love of my life and my sweet baby to MY life in another state. But the thing is…He has me here. That is not MY life anymore and I have to stop fighting that if I want to grow here and build the life I'm supposed to. I have to stop thinking like that because it shadows out the incredible blessings that I've been given here that I absolutely don't deserve. Even though God has moved me from a lot of the things I held on to so tightly, He has given me more than He has taken away and any other thought than that is just not seeing it correctly. He has chosen to shower me with gifts and blessings and most of all His never ending, loving presence and friendship even though I throw fits at times about His plan.
It's taken a lot longer to make this place feel like home and I think it has a lot to do with my own fears and me fighting it. I know with all my heart that in ten years, I'll look back on this time and realize how much I was going in the right direction even if I couldn't see it.
These days, so much of my life is just grass and dirt and a dream- completely under construction. But I know I'll see those dreams fulfilled in the right time and learn many much needed lessons along the way. I'm thankful for this journey ahead and like the old long haired Miley Cyrus who actually made sense would say: "It's the Climb", right?
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