Reading the word "YES" has never meant more to me than it did the day I found out I was going to have a baby. Those three letters meant that my life was going to change forever and that things would never be the same. Even now..when I've only known about my baby for a short time, I still wouldn't go back to the day that I didn't know. I already feel an overwhelming love and thankfulness that I am going to have the opportunity to have a child of my OWN. I've deeply loved many children in my life so far…but this time it will be different. This time I won't have to say goodbye at the end of the summer, semester, or year. This time…the child is going to belong with us.
That three letter word was a word I've wanted since I can remember. I promise you there has never been a baby on earth wanted more than our baby is wanted right now. Both Brian and I have had nothing but excitement and joy over our baby and maybe that's why God blessed us so early. The only career ladder I ever really wanted to climb in life was to be a stay at home mom and I'm finally getting to do that.
God is already teaching me a lot through my child and I can only imagine how much more I'll grow because of it. I think any new mom in this very early phase begins to worry about what might go wrong. Women are experts at worrying and it's heightened when a baby or child is involved.
So of course the other night I woke up and kept having these anxious thoughts and feelings about what might happen. I started praying about it and the Lord taught me a great lesson in the middle of the night. He showed me that my baby is not "MY" baby…it's HIS baby. That He has a special plan for this person and that it's not my job to worry, but it's my job to give the baby up to God even now. God made me realize that He is with that child right now just like He will be everyday of the baby's life even when I can't be. As hard as it is…I have to force myself not to worry about the worst. I have to make myself realize even this early that I do not have full ownership over this baby, but I am blessed to be able to keep God's own child in my home and help raise him or her to be what God has planned long ago. I have to trust God with whatever may happen and realize that His will is best and that my worrying won't change anything. I have to cling to the promise that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him.
I know that having a baby will be one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever been through and I'm so thankful I have so many people to go to for advice!! I have been surrounded by wonderful mothers and great examples for many years and I'm so thankful for all the good I've gotten to see. It's also a mini baby boom these days, so tons of my friends are having babies, too! We're in this together!
It's such a fun and exciting time and I am enjoying every minute before the sickness hits. Because well….I am too much of a realist to not realize what I'm in for. I kinda feel like I'm on the slow up hill of a roller coaster before it flings you around. Trust me, I am making sure to write this heartfelt post before the grievances come. But even so….I am SO ready for this baby. Even if it will take my sleep and time and be very hard work. I will take the negative any day because the positive in having a child far outweighs it all. (And you are probably forced to be the Proverbs 31 woman at least a little because you HAVE to get up before dawn. I could use the push.)
I say it all the time and I'll say it again….I know that my kids are going to be the most important people in my life next to Brian, so I never wanted to wait. Life is short and I'm ready to meet a person who is going to matter to me more than I could ever imagine.