*Little Reminders*

Life has a funny way of reminding us that this place isn't Heaven. Even when our lives are at their peak of happiness, when we get a little taste of what Heaven might be like…those pesky little things come and poke us unexpectedly to make sure we remember this is still a fallen world.

For instance…if you haven't planned a wedding in your life, you may be under the false impression that it is fun or easy. I chose a venue where I don't have to plan very much, but I'm telling you…even that can't stop things from messing up. I found my perfect dress about a month ago. You know, the one I've dreamt of all my life…... ya, that one. Well when I picked it up from the alterations place last week, it was TOO SMALL!!! I can't breathe at all and that awkward muffin top of the back has made an appearance! Now I'm stuck on this horrifying diet where I can either eat non buttered vegetables all day or a handful of real people food. Talk about not being ideal!!!! I saw this bumper sticker on facebook that said: "Men think a woman's greatest dream is to find the perfect man….but it's actually eating anything they want and never getting fat." SO true. So very, very true.

I also got wind today that my photographer accidentally double booked, but I am so proud of myself because I have yet to freak out. I think I used all my freak out and bridezilla moments when my dress didn't fit. It not only didn't fit, though…it wasn't even close to fitting before my mom did her rescue 911!!! So give me some grace. My mom luckily did some damage control so that it at least can make it's way on me, but it's certainly not where it needs to be at this point in my opinion. But I refuse to keep waking up with night sweats over it anymore. I'm just tired of freaking out to be honest…it's so tiring.

Maybe I'm just supposed to be learning a lesson about vanity. Maybe I need to do what we were taught as a little kid, and focus on my heart beauty instead. Maybe I'm supposed to realize that my wedding day is not about not having a back muffin top, but about marrying the man God has made for me to live this life with. At the end of the day, I am marrying the right man so I just need to focus on that! The flowers, the food, the portraits, the dress…it's all so minimal compared to what this day means.

I may pass out at the alter thanks to my dress being taken in to fit one of those people that run every morning at five am….but I'll still be marrying Brian! And that's what matters the most.

*My Engaged Life*

I've wondered my whole life what it would be like to be engaged. I started in fifth grade writing in a journal about my future husband and thinking about him like many girls do. The boys may have been busy playing basketball or playing video games without the slightest thought of us on their brain all these years, but girls….we've thought about getting married from the very moment we heard what marriage was or saw a grown up lady in a big, white dress. The closest relationship of all between two humans and a big princess dress- what could be more appealing to a woman?

Being engaged feels different than I thought it would in so many ways. First of all, it's like an out of body experience. You don't actually feel engaged and it almost feels strange when someone asks you about your wedding. Me? Engaged? What are you talking about?! What is this ring on my finger doing here?! It's like I get to be reminded all the time because it never quite sinks in. I feel the same way I did before so it's hard to imagine me being the one wearing that white dress. And even better and more exciting than the white dress is being the girl lucky enough to be picked by Brian!!! That is the best part of all. That part is so much more important than any wedding hoorah. 

I haven't had a miraculous change and I'm not constantly jumping on my bed singing Taylor Swift love songs like I would have if I got engaged as a teenager. When I was younger, all of my "love life" was basically fabricated up in my head. I would think about someone more than actually living life and sharing deep things with them. But with Brian, I am so close to him and he knows everything about me and I can talk about whatever, whenever. It's much deeper and much more secure than anything I've ever felt. I don't have to worry about what to do or say, because he always accepts me. Not to mention, it's just a lot more FUN. He is so funny and always ready to have a good time. And if I have a stomach ache he rushes over to the nearest public restroom to drop me off. That's the true love story…that's what REALLY happens in this world we live in. Never dreamt of that as a kid, did ya? Never saw that on your favorite romantic comedy, huh? Well, that's life, sister! So find someone who isn't awkward or you are going to live a long and perilous life!!!

Being engaged to Brian is the most secure feeling I've ever had. I also laugh more than I used to and I'm not just waiting for him to call and making my mind wander…he's ALWAYS there and everything I think in my head is what's actually happening. This love is more real and stable than the jumping on the bed kind or running at each other in a flower field. It's something I know can stand the test of real life. It's the kind that understands that love isn't about just the butterflies and giddy moments (though they are fun, can't lie!) but it's about knowing that life is still life even after you're married…and times won't always be easy in this fallen world…but you both are committed to figure out life together and stick with each other with the help of God no matter what comes even when the butterflies stop. (I read one time that when you are in love a chemical in your brain goes off for like a year and a half that makes you goo goo, then it's gone…hence, the butterflies stop and what is left is only what was actually solid and lasting.) The solid and lasting can only come from Jesus and His help. I am so thankful that I have found someone that God has planned for me and it's such a good feeling knowing that He is behind me on this decision. It's the best knowing with 100 percent confidence that what I am doing is right in the sight of the Lord, because I know no matter where I move or what I do…God will work it out for me one way or another.

On a completely different note, here's how the wedding/new life planning is going:

-The wedding is already planned considering I got a package deal at Big Cedar!!! WOO!!!! NO stress!

-Bridesmaid dresses came in yesterday!

-Brian's tux is ordered and he looked AMAZING in the fitting mirror!!! I got emotional when I saw his shiny shoes…he's marrying me in those shiny shoes! *TEARS* AHHHHHHH

-My dress is my favorite dress EVER and I'll pick it up on the 17th! I literally haven't found a dress in this world I like more which is the way it should be!! WOO WOO! 

-We got our honeymoon booked this week! An island off the coast of San Diego to avoid Hurricanes for this storm fearing woman!! YAY! It will be AWESOME!!!

-We bought furniture this week….it's the BEST furniture I've ever had!!!!!! SO PUMPED!!!! My man is the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

-I painted for the first time with Brian and his dad the other day! They've painted all the trim in our house and put in new doors. It looks ready for newlyweds!!!  YAY!!! 

-I am failing miserably at a wedding diet! Diets make me hungry even thinking about them so I end up going overboard the wrong direction when I try to diet!!! :0 Ultimate fail doesn't even begin to describe it!

-Insurance is kinda awkward when you quit your job and don't get married till October! Just sayin!!! Luckily, I'm marrying an insurance genius who can figure things out. He's the best insurance agent in the world and if you are ever in need of the most incredible coverage you've always dreamed of…you are looking in the wrong place until you are under the safety wings of Brian! haha