I love first days. They bring so much excitement and mystery and imagination about what could be. There's so much newness and hope and anticipation of what the year will be like. First days are thought about long before they arrive, so when they do come our way-we are more than ready. These firsts are usually good days, but they rarely are a clear indicator of what will really be. You just never know what surprises you'll get that you never thought about before.
I think of my first day of 2nd grade when I finally went to school (still illiterate..it was TIME). Or my first day of 5th grade when I moved schools. My first day of college and my first days of work. I imagined all of them in my mind far before they happened and would go through scenarios in my mind I thought would come true. I even had a few dreams at night that gave me a picture of what I thought it would be like, but nothing I came up with in my mind was ever even close. And even when I got a visual on the first day of who I could be friends with or what could happen…it always surprised me how it turned out. It was never what it seemed.
My entire future right now is one blank canvas that I try to keep picturing, but can't even come up with an image for. I don't know the new place I'm going well enough to even have an idea. I don't know who i'll meet and be close to or what things will turn out to be. I've always at least been able to come up with some sort of picture, but for my new town it's just…empty. (I mean it's taken me 24 years to figure out where I am here, no telling how long it'll take there!!!)
I have a few glimpses of my new life from my first days….but I know enough about life to know that it won't be anything like I see now. It's so strange looking at my whole life through such foggy mirrors. At least here I can picture where everything is and am certain that it will look like that next year. Shipley's donuts has been my tried and true future promise from birth. I just have some hazy images of a CVS pharmacy in the new town, but that's about it.
Sometimes I have a little panic moment wondering what on earth I'm doing…but I know with all my heart that Brian is worth it. And above all- God's plan is worth it. Like they said on Sunday...sometimes God will just come in and change everything about your life and blow up all you knew for a bigger and better thing.
But it's still the scariest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And as we all know…my life hasn't been void of scary things. ha
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