Growing a baby, bringing it into this world, and making it an entire year afterwards is a BIG deal.
It's so strange to me how when people get older and the newborn phase fades, they look back on this time in life with one or two sentences. "Oh, I had my first in 87! Labor was LONG." "I have three kids: Timmy, Billy and Marty! We have 8 grand kids now."
I mean...those sentences have more behind them than anyone hearing them can understand. Will this year for me really become one sentence one day? Will I just speak of my oldest Beau born in 2013? That is such an odd thought considering how much this year has been. How much this year has MEANT.
Nothing in life compares to the joy of being a mother. The deep heart change that happened for me the day Beau was born is unmatched. My priorities were completely changed and there's no way I'd ever go back. My heart is more alive than ever, I feel like it could burst sometimes. The want to do anything and everything for him came easily because my love was so strong. (Which is good because there is LOTS to do.)
Even in the times when I was so tired and at the end of my very worn rope, I'd drive down the street for some Starbucks after Brian got home, then want to drive right back because I missed him.
At the age of one, he's teetering between being very new and moving onto being a toddler. His legs still curl up to his chest like he's fresh from the womb, but he drives a school bus through a tunnel like a toddler would. He wants to be babied when he's tired, but when he's not he wants to be free. He's holding on to that baby time but I can tell it won't be long before it's gone. There's too many signs that it's leaving soon. It makes me sad, but I can't wait to know him more. He has to grow up for that.
I know the first birthday is emotional for lots of reasons like how they are growing older and how much has changed, but I'm surprised by the overwhelming feeling of "WE MADE IT!"
We made it through pregnancy and the first year with a baby which is pretty much the biggest feat that out shined four-(wait five) years of college by far. I feel like I need a fancy wall mounted glittering piece of accomplishment like I have for my degree. But rewards like that don't come for us mothers. Our rewards are different. They are intangible, precious, irreplaceable and make it all worth it.
I give total thanks to God for this year who was there by our side every step of the way encouraging us and giving us strength when we needed it. He enjoyed every special moment our family had together and I hope in Heaven one day we can play them over again. Anything right we have done has come from His help and any failures we had, He turned around for our good. He has kept every promise and been my faithful Helper along the way. He has rejoiced with us with every new thing Beau learned and I like to think he laughed at all the cute things Beau did along side us. God loves Beau even more than I do which is very hard to understand. How could there be a love even greater than mine for my baby? It's the best feeling knowing Beau is loved by the One who can love him perfectly. He's known Beau longer and deeper than I ever could. It's amazing to think about.
I'm so thankful that God has gotten us through this year and Parented beside us. He is the reason this year has been a success and for that I am so grateful.
Wow...it's been a year. A whole year.
I made it, we made it...and I'm truly rewarded far greater than I ever imagined.
