*The Song of Motherhood*

"Listen, my favorite song is about to come on!!"

I can't even tell you the name of the song but I really do like it. It's one of those songs that makes you want to dance and gives off the feeling that it's going to be a great day.

You might be thinking I was referring to a song we all know on the radio, but I was actually referring to a song from baby boy's exersaucer he was playing in.

You know you're head high in the phase of early motherhood when you actually know which song comes next on a toy. I've tried to avoid baby DVD's and other things with kids songs because I know I'll have my fill in the years to come. I don't know why but after watching some DVDs of my nephew's one too many times, I got this nervous twitch and sometimes have "Hi, Sweet Baby" stuck in my head on repeat against my will. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy and that's why I'm trying to wait until he really cares. But this certain toy isn't nearly as fun without the song because it makes the animals move, so I made an exception. And I really do like the song. It's just part of the song of motherhood.

Things are SO much different than they were a few months ago. Five months is a glorious phase because they are old enough to sleep through the night and interact and get chubby, but they are still too young to teethe. It's this oasis of month five that is incredible. He really only cries over two things…people picking him up that he hasn't seen in a while and when I clean the bottles while he's in the room. When I do the dishes and his bottles are involved, he acts like I am the cruelest person on earth. He gives me this "Mom, how could you do this to me?!" look on his face like I don't feed him. I try to stuff him full before so he won't want it, but even that doesn't work.

I've finally figured out that waving something aqua blue (his favorite color) in his direction makes him happy. Not navy blue, not just any blue, aqua blue. He also likes it if I turn around suddenly and make an oversized smiley face like a crazed clown and bounce my head around. You'd think that would freak him out, but he loves it and will whine talk until I do it again, and then laugh really hard. I've finally found a way to do the dishes without him thinking I want to starve him on purpose.

There's so many things you think about and do after becoming a mother that you never even knew about before. I remember just thinking about babies and motherhood with this blanket of thoughts that covered it all, not knowing that a yellow lion pacifier would soon be a major part of my life. I didn't know that his favorite toy would be a blue dinosaur or that he would smile at my hair being blown everywhere by a blow dryer. I didn't know that even at 5 months he'd have to be talked to and would crave interaction and love to talk back and forth already. I didn't know that I would be able to know what he wanted so easily even though he can't talk in english back. I didn't know that my baby would love to burp on my shoulder in the big chair so he could talk at a picture of his dad. I didn't know that clipping baby fingernails would be extremely frightening or that the scent of freshly washed baby hair is the most wonderful smell in the world.

*A Very Happy Valentine's Day!!*

It's Valentine's Day!!! One of my very favorite days of the year even when I was single. It's so fun to look and see how loved everyone is and to get a glimpse into other people's love lives. Couples that are in love and make it in real life are so much more romantic to me than movie ones. Even though I've always loved this holiday, it's much more meaningful now that I have two of the best Valentines in the whole world!!! I love my boys so much.

This is actually one of my favorite Valentines Days so far because the first one I had after being married I was super sick, bedridden, and pregnant. To be honest…the only memory I have of last year is dark curtains covering the sunlight and the bathroom floor. I also have a letter Brian wrote me that I don't remember reading, but it's really nice to read later. I definitely am on the other side of the mountain where the sun is shining and things are great. I even fit into my old jeans on this holiday which is even more reason to celebrate! haha

We've had a third wheel with us all day today, but we love it. Beau is the perfect extra present on Valentine's Day. I keep thinking about how parenthood is a series of presents we get to open over the years. There's so much to look forward to each day and in the years to come, the anticipation for the future and enjoyment I get everyday is so overwhelming.

Like…when I was at the revenue department today there were some moms with their sixteen year old sons waiting to take the driving test. I couldn't help but imagine myself with baby boy in sixteen years. I'll be 41 years old taking my taller than me son for a big day in his life. It's such an exciting thought!! And right now I'm opening the present of the miracle of how fast a baby grows. Next week he will only be five months old yet he can grab his pacifier from beside him and put it in his mouth. I mean SERIOUSLY, after only five months on this earth!! How do human beings go from newborn to that in such little time?! I still have a hard time getting a straw in my mouth sometimes, so that is truly impressive to me. No wonder all parents think their kids are prodigies…because they are impressive to them. I don't blame them anymore! I mean, seriously…it is absolutely astonishing what babies can do and how they interact at such an early age. It's truly a miracle.

Along with that miracle is how he sleeps from 6:30pm-7:00am putting himself to sleep now. HELLO…yes, please…life, you are back! I feel like my old self again which is amazing because I thought I'd feel like a zombie for the rest of my life. I thought that having a newborn was easy, but now that I'm at the VERY easy phase, I'm like…woa, how on earth did we survive that?! It felt pretty easy at the time despite a few emotional meltdowns at 3am, but now looking back, I'm not sure why I felt that way. haha Because, it does sound hard looking back.

This Valentine's Day feels extra special because of all we've been through together in such a short amount of time. It's amazing what those survival mode times do for a marriage and how it brought us that much closer together. Not necessarily in the middle of the night when I had crazy eyes, but when it's all over and done with…we are closer than ever. That's what will be so neat about being married for many, many years. With each passing life phase we will get that much closer. I feel our connection is much deeper now that we've survived something together. We are a team and have stayed completely in love through it all. We made it and it feels good!! This Valentine's Day, I truly celebrate that. Bringing a baby into our family has brought us together and been an extremely good thing. I know I talk and talk and talk about my baby and motherhood, but I'm serious…it's the BEST THING EVER. I have yet to experience the bad parts that I keep hearing about. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I just really love it. I'm not desperately seeking a break or a future day…I just love my life right now.

Our lives this year are fuller, richer, and more deeply joyous because of our growing family. I didn't think I'd be able to post something like this so soon in my life, but I'm so thankful I get to. I have the best husband and son in the world!!! This is truly a happy, happy Valentine's Day. :)

*How?*

Lately, it seems like more than ever I am bombarded by worldly things. I feel like I can barely turn on the TV anymore to be honest. With every passing year it seems to get worse and worse and the narrow road seems to get even smaller. As I look around and see what this world values, I start to wonder how I am supposed to parent in a generation like this.

"Train up a child in the way he should go,
 and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

I think of that verse often and of the promise that it gives. I think about how thankful I am for these years that my baby doesn't know about all that's out there and how he still thinks the world is only good. The biggest problem in his life right now is waiting that stressful five seconds when he sees the bottle and has to wait until it makes it to his mouth. 

I think of the word "train" and how training for something is always hard. Nothing about getting my child to hold tightly to the way I raise him will be easy. I have many important years in my future where I will cling daily to the promise that God will help him not depart from the road we are teaching him to love. 

How do I teach my baby to love the word of God? How do I teach him to let all other voices in his life fade away in comparison to what is written there? My prayer for my son is the same prayer that God prayed about the disciples before he was taken prisoner:

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." John 17:15-17

How do I teach him how valuable he is and that God made him because he wanted him as his own. How do I make sure he knows the importance of being an adopted child of God? 

How do I teach him to love and enjoy God? How do I show him the fun side of God? How do I let him know just how much He loves to be a part of his laughter?

How do I teach my child in a world that wants acceptance that being rejected by certain people is a GOOD thing? There are some people I know that would say my thinking is completely backwards and I'm extremely relieved for that. If they did think I was right, then I would not be in the place I wanted to be. Not at all. 

How do I teach him that the things we should do are the things that don't come naturally? How do I teach him that there's a war raging inside of him? How do I teach him that the right thing to do is not always easy, in fact it can be really hard.

How can I make him understand that sometimes feeling bad can be a good thing because it teaches us right and wrong. How can I make the most of discipline and do it in the right way? How can I let him know that being told NO can be the best thing that ever happened to him.

How do I tell him who God is? How can I even begin to be equipped enough for that? I ask myself questions like this all the time and I've come up with a few answers so far: 

1.) Pray a lot and ask for help

2.) Show him with my life and not ask him to do anything that I don't do myself. I need to constantly be working on myself  and seeking God first. How can I expect him to be something I'm not and to have a passionate love for something I don't? (Scary thought!)

3.)Rely on God to open his spiritual eyes and ears and give him a love relationship that I can't. Because the true change in the sinful human heart is an encounter with Jesus Himself.

I feel so ill equipped for all this, but that's where God comes in. At least I have a little time to figure out exactly what the word "TRAIN" is referring to. Right now he's still just Mr. Smiley with no sign of ever doing anything wrong. He still believes that the most important thing in life is his mom which is pretty fun, but I'm ready for him to know the true meaning of life. Because it sure isn't me.