I think the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning shows what's important to you. Lately, I've thought about my first graders. What are they doing? Are they having fun? I wonder how I can make *this* work better or *that* work better in the classroom? I'm making a collage out of pictures from our year so far, so that puts it on my mind, too.
This Thanksgiving I am especially thankful for the best first year placement I've ever heard of. I don't know how I was able to end up here, but I am so so sooo grateful. I got the best bunch of kids ever imaginable in the best possible surroundings. It's not always easy, but I think that's because I want to be perfect and I realize I can't be all the time. I think that's why people always look at their first years negatively...it's just a major learning process. I have so much support and my college prepared me so much, so I can do my job well, but it's just hard not knowing EVERYTHING there is to know. When you love the kids so much, you want to do absolutely everything perfect for them, but there's always more to learn. I think there always will be...maybe that's just life?
There is something I do have a major strength in already, though. Classroom Management comes fairly easy to me and getting behavior in the right direction without having to use too many consequences is something that comes naturally. I was talking about how I do some things the other day at the dinner table and someone asked me to write them down. Through experience I have come to realize that there are a couple of rules to live by that would help anyone who is raising a child or teaching in a classroom. When these rules are broken, even the sweetest of children may have behavioral issues. As the adult, its' our job to help the students make the right decisions by the way we act and react and the environment we give them. We need to set them up for success. We need to give them the opportunity to make the right choices. I truly believe that if a child fails in this area, it is more my fault than theirs in many cases.
Hold on-wait...what?! A child's behavior depends on the adult? It's our responsibility to help them make the right decisions? You mean, it's not the full responsibility of the child? Yes...that's exactly what I'm saying. In my years of experience with children through babysitting, working at a birthday party studio, and teaching summer school for four years, I noticed something VERY important. The SAME child would act very differently around certain adults. For instance, they may be with me and well behaved, but around someone else they would suddenly look like a completely different child. If I said "come here" they would come, but if the other adult would say "come here" the child would throw a fit. It was SHOCKING and really made me think. This is the same exact child we are dealing with here and I'd never seen them behave like that before. Unfortunately, this is not a one time case and it actually happened a lot through the years. Why is this? I think it has to do a whole lot with my theory and I may be onto something. It is beyond a doubt our responsibility to help a child when it comes to behavior.
So if it's our job to give the child an opportunity to do right, what can we do? I am not claiming to be an expert and you can listen to me or not because I am only 23, but I can share a few tips that have worked for me in most situations. I might be in a nice, pretty prep school now but I was in the public school for years at college and even dealt with behavioral disorders. These tips still helped in those more dire situations as well. Sure, it didn't work every time, but for the most part it was successful.
Here are the rules I live by that have helped me:
1.) Give the children a REASON to obey you. Fall in love with them and let them know it. Show them that whatever you do is for their best interest. Respect them as individuals and listen to what they have to say. They can tell if you are just an adult that thinks you know better. Show them that their ideas matter and you care about how they feel and what they do. Do things to let them know that their opinion truly matters. Classroom management is SO MUCH EASIER if a student knows they are loved and feels that mutual respect. Children NEED TO BE RESPECTED just as much as adults! These are real people we are dealing with, and we cannot forget that. They have every right that we do and a lot of times they can tell us things we don't know. They have so much to say that we need to hear, so listen!
2.) Say positive things to the child at least 2x more than you do negative! Don't be a debbie downer all day long....be so much more fun and positive than you are firm. Show the students that you love for them to be happy and you aren't there to just kill the joy. Show them that rules are there so they can have a better day. I've seen too many scrooge adults and it just makes kids want to rebel. I mean, it kinda makes me want to rebel! Why would I want to listen to someone like that?
3.) BE CONSISTENT!! If you say you are going to give a certain consequence for something, you must do that. Don't say you are going to do something and then don't do it. Never say anything out loud that you are not fully ready to do.
Also be consistent in the daily routines. For instance, I always have the same way to pass out papers because the students are used to it and know how that routine goes. We also line up the same way and have the same bathroom procedures, and the students know to stop by the red wall or stop by my door. Everything is always the same so that nobody is ever confused or wandering around.
Be consistent when it comes to what you expect from the children. For instance, say we are doing our daily routine of walking on the third square down the hallway...if someone decides that's a good time to do the bunny hop into their neighbor, I have to stop that immediately every time. I can't sometimes allow for a little hopping and then the next day come down hard. I know that sounds like common sense, but it's something so important that when forgotten makes life a lot harder. You have to have your expectations and stick to them EVERYTIME. Kids are smart, they know if you are the type of person to cave or inconsistently stop behavior. Don't be that person!!
4.) NEVER for any reason reward negative behavior such as a fit or rude attitude. Once, I did try to go the sweet route with a child years ago which made me pay for months. We have to nip that in the bud and not even allow it. What I like to do is give natural consequences such as missing out on something fun until they choose to make the right decision. Consistency comes into play here as well because you cannot, absolutely CANNOT inconsistently give in. You can't give in one day, and then get angry and come down hard the next. That will confuse a child and cause them to throw more fits because sometimes they do get what they want. As hard as it is for us, we have to stop it EVERYTIME!! It's so hard because you don't like to see a little person upset, but push through by thinking about how it's for their own good. The bible says if we love them, we will give them boundaries. To give boundaries you must have a backbone and give it energy. It seems like an easier choice to give them something to make them stop throwing a fit during an embarrassing episode in public, but in the long run it can be very harmful. Kids want to do right, they reallly do. It doesn't feel good to them to throw a fit. Don't give them reason to without realizing it.
I remember one day a few years ago a child started throwing a fit because they didn't want to come inside from playing. All I did was bend down and simply say: "Susie Lou, has Miss Abby EVER given into a fit?" She shook her head no and I said in a soft voice: "Well, baby...don't you think you're wasting your time?" She thought for a minute and grabbed my hand to walk inside. If I don't give in...EVER give in, it pays off.
5.) When I say "no" to something, I try to find a few fun or positive things to say "yes" to. If a person is always having a gruff face and saying no to everything, the child will just feel attacked. Show the children that you want them to be able to do things and would rather say yes by giving them options. Like if a child is spinning on their head during carpet time you have to tell them to stop, but I like to give them the option of showing me a dance at recess instead. There are appropriate times for these things, and I am not just saying no because I like ruining everyone's day. I'm saying no because you can't learn on your head.
6.)REMEMBER when you give a consequence. Don't tell a child they are going to have to miss something fun or sit out for a little bit and then forget. Again, children are VERY smart and they know if you have a leak in your system. I like to have a notebook to remind myself what I've said I'm going to do, because otherwise it would slip my mind.
7.) Practice having "THE FACE"....it's not a mean or disrespectful face, but it is a serious one that plainly states: "You better reconsider what you're doing over there, sir." (Sometimes "THE FACE" is all you need. One little glance and your problems are solved.)
8.) Be firm if you must. Being super sweet all the time gives a child the idea that you are a push over, and they WILL push. We all are born with a sin nature, so if they can get away with some silliness, they are going to do it. It's HARD being firm sometimes, it really is...but it's for the best. Being firm does NOT mean being rude or cruel. It means making sure in your tone that they know you are very serious. There is no room for disrespect when being firm. Being disrespectful to a child is a major sin that the Lord takes very seriously.
9.) After consequences are given, hug the child and let them know how much you love them. If they are not as much of a 'mooshy love' child, tell them a joke and make them laugh. Ask them about their sports team or what they plan to do at recess. You need to get to know the child before truly knowing how to handle this part. Some students need a tight squeeze and a lap sitting and others just need you to give them a high five. Some need you to let them know that they can stop feeling guilty because the Lord has already forgiven them. Some need you to make a silly face from across the room. Some need you to tell them that you will never stop loving them no matter what. It just depends on who it is....so be mindful of that and really try to figure it out. This is one of the most important parts of management, but it takes time to find out what works best for each child. Establishing that love and respect after something negative has happened is crucial. Make the bond with that child better because of it.
9.) Expect children to be kind to one another. If a student is allowed to be mean to other people they tend to be out of control in lots of areas. It feels good to be nice to people, and promoting an environment that encourages students to be kind to others helps behavior so much. Make children be nice and friendly. Make them look others in the eye and ask how they are doing. They do not know how to do this naturally, so it is our job to teach them! My mom made me be friendly even when I didn't want to, and it really helped my life. Being kind and friendly to others helps us love ourselves, which in turn helps us have better behavior in general.
10.) Have conversations about behavior! When things are about to get exciting or fun, be sure to have a conversation about it beforehand. Often times, young children become very impulsive when a room starts to get exciting and they automatically want to jump off the walls at the the slightest turn towards fun. They don't necessarily want to misbehave, they just get a little bit excited. Okay, a lot bit excited, haha. It is VERY important that you talk about self control and warn the children that fun is coming. It really helps them manage themselves better because they have time to think about it.
Have conversations about behavior throughout the day before you do something. For instance, before we take any test we have a conversation about how we behave during the test. We also do this for other situations in the day as well. If we have not done that certain thing before, we go through scenarios and how we could behave in those situations. It gets the students thinking, instead of just going on autopilot which is what most children revert to. Auto pilot is not good...no matter if you are an adult or a child! AVOID auto pilot at all costs!
11.) PRAY!!! Call upon the help of the Holy Spirit in the management process. Luckily, I'm at a Christian school so we can pray that the Holy Spirit will help us make the right decisions that day and He really does. Even if you can't pray that, pray, pray, PRAY in your head!!! God is a VERY big help and can do miracles in this area daily. He is the source of any of the success in my classroom and I would be lost without him! I can't tell you how many times I prayed in college that the students in my class would be on their best behavior when my professor came and it was a miracle every time! He can give us all wisdom and loves to give it to the children, too. Pray that the Lord will help you know what to do and also for the children to know. Hear me when I say this...GOD GIVES WISDOM TO CHILDREN...He helps them just as much as He would help an adult! He takes them very seriously and respects them so much. He is not waiting for them to grow up to do a work in them. He is ready to do it NOW. The Kingdom of God belongs to such as these, so why are we not acting like it?
12.) This rule is so important that it needs to be on here twice. LOVE the children with all your heart. Truly have their best interest in mind when you go about disciplining them. Don't just do something to make it easier on you or to stop an annoyance you don't want. Having the right heart in the matter makes all the difference. Do not treat a child in a way that you would not want to be treated!!! They are so so sooo special to God and it is a great privilege that we are even allowed to share space with them. We do not own them, we are honored to be allowed to help facilitate their growth with the help of the Lord. Praise Jesus for that blessing! :)
*Anyway, this may not be news to anybody, but I was told by someone who had not heard of some of these to write them down. It's kind of neat that I get to practice being a mom everyday along with being a teacher. I love it and it's great to see how much God cares about these things. I need to take responsibility everyday for how my children act and pray the Lord gives me wisdom in these areas. It is our fault if the classroom runs a muck, and we need to realize that. We need to stop beating our heads against the wall trying to change children, and change ourselves. And most of all, we need to PRAY. Never forget to call upon the Lord EVERY morning! Raising the future of America is no small feat, and we need all the help we can get. :)
