*Just gotta write!*

I don't really have anything specific to say, but it's 12:19 am on a Saturday night, and I just want to write. I don't know why I can't go to sleep...I just have a lot on my mind lately. I got lonely again today, and I hate that. Getting over someone is not the hard part, it's getting over the being lonely that is definitely the hardest. Getting over someone who throws your heart into the ground is easy as pie. But being alone, that's a different matter. Sitting alone on the couch on a Saturday night, knowing the one who broke you and never looked back is sitting in the arms of someone they love. That's tough. Really tough. And completely unfair. But I know the Lord is up to something good for me. I am going to make it to a day where I am fully okay with being alone. That way when my future husband comes, I will be healthy and ready for a Godly relationship. I won't be using him to get my happiness. I want to make my next relationship glorify the Lord in every way. And to make that happen, it's gonna take time. Time for me to grow. And in the mean time, I'll just have to deal with those lonely moments as they come. Jesus shows up every single time...and I don't feel so alone anymore. I thank Him so much for that!!!! The other day in the car I stopped at a stop sign for much longer than I should have, because I had just started to cry. The seat next to me is always so empty...so very empty...and I guess I was just extra sensitive from lack of sleep. But I began to sob and stopped the car....then I felt the Lord's presence in such a real way, and I stopped crying. It made me so thankful! I was so alone, and then I just felt Him so close to me. I imagined Him in the seat next to me, and I felt like He was holding my hand. The bible says He holds me by my right hand. And that night, I felt it.

One day this will all be a distant memory and I will be so thankful for the growth that has happened. I praise the Lord for all the hardships I endure, because it is making me into the Godly woman I am supposed to be. The man I marry will be so amazing, and worth every bit of hard times I face. Because if hard times makes me a better person, then I am more than willing to go through them for the sake of my husband and kids. This is growing me and teaching me so much, and I am happy to do it for the Lord, and for my future family. Everything is going to be okay. I am going to look back and be thankful. I am going to look back as a different person than I am today. The girl who is writing this so late on a Saturday night. I'm turning into a woman who is going to raise a family that follows the Lord with all their hearts! I want to be the mom that says "Now that is not honoring God! We need to bless Jesus with our actions today!" to her one year old babies. I say that because I went to a house where the mom said that to her one year old's and it was so cute! I want to be a mom like that :) I want to make Jesus a main topic of discussion in my future home.

I gotta go to bed...church tomorrow....Sweet dreams -A