*Email*

Below I'm posting the email that the author of the book I've been reading sent me! It's called "Left at the Alter- for those who have felt the heartbreak of rejection" and it has been my best friend for quite some time now! I felt like Kimberley has been the only one that understands what I've been going through. Everything she wrote I could completely relate to! Minus the being jilted at the alter part, that is WAY worse! But for some reason, we went through the exact same emotions. Probably because I fall really hard and not really often. We both felt as hurt as if someone had died. Those emotions are very real, and I want to be there for anyone who has to feel them! It's the closest to hell I hope I'll ever get. My heart is a crazy thing, and I hate how I work! If I worked another way, it wouldn't be so hard getting over hurts.Seriously, my heart can be my worst enemy sometimes!!!! I just get so mad at it!!!!! Because it shouldn't care so much! Let's be realistic! This has been extra hard, because my feelings have been so hurt. SO HURT. The way things happened were so cruel, and kinda just left me in pieces.Things said and done...they were so very harsh. So much people don't know...so much I'm having to deal with. Ya, I reacted really badly, and did things I shouldn't have. I am not proud of my reactions AT ALL! Trust me. I am in the wrong too. Calling a poor girl a "slut" at the top of my lungs in the student center was probably the low point of my life. Ug. That was when abby went postal. In a bad way. And I need the blood of Jesus to cover that day! But I was given no mercy in my brokenness and just thrown away. It's just really sad. So much hurt.Things that are probably even forgotten by the one who did them. And the injustice of it all is probably what kills me the most. It's completely unfair in every single way. And on top of that I'm watching my twin sister marry the man of her dreams. It's hard. And forgiving is HARD. But it's right.

It is so neat to get encouragement from someone who has made it through hard times, and can tell me that there is hope. I am sick of hurting! I am sick of it! It's been three months, and I still feel like I haven't made much progress. I still hurt every single day! Sure, there are times when I feel happy, but there are also times each day where I am sad....really sad. Today I was like: "God! I am so sick of hurting!!! I am getting so very tired of it!" Because I am!!!!!!! I should be fine by now!!!! UGH!!! I hate my heart! Why won't it just stop hurting?! It takes great effort not to hurt, I have to force myself! But I know I'll be better for it. I'm just at a point where I'm sick of it. And I hate when people get away with things they shouldn't get away with. I know God is just, but I am not a fan of his timing. Because I'm sure by the time justice is served I won't even care anymore. Ug. It's hard to sleep with a pillow soaked in tears. Wet pillows are NASTY. These wet pillows better be worth something! I want to change lives just like Kimberley did, thanks to her tear stained pillows!!!! God, USE ME BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!! I don't want these tears wasted! And I don't believe they will be :) That keeps me going! Anyways, here is her encouraging email! It has helped me a lot :)

Hey Abby!
I completely know every single thought and feeling you're having about yourself and that man and God right now. Every single one. I was (as you read) exactly where you are today---so I can tell you with complete assurance that you will get better! You WILL be able to see that God allowed that relationship to end because either a) it wouldn't have been a good marriage and especially because b) HE's got someone ELSE set aside for you! I know today you don't want to hear that because you wanted THAT man. (remember I'm the girl who got back with the guy who LEFT HER AT THE ALTAR!) but it's true.

In the meantime, remember "The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking." And I also believe that He's up in heaven smiling down, just KNOWING what He's got in store!!

Keep me posted, Okay?

With love,

Kimberley



The fact that she believes the Lord is smiling down, just knowing what He has in store makes me smile! What a nice thought :)....I am so open even on my blog...maybe that's a good quality to have seeing as I want to be an author. Kimberley let it all out there, and that was the kind of writing that truly changed my life.