*Not Afraid*

I used to be afraid. Afraid of almost everything in life, but I am hardly ever scared anymore. I know that most of the reason why I am not afraid is because I asked Jesus to put a hedge of protection around me. I have felt like a spiritual shield has been put up recently, and it has helped me so much! The girl I meet with every week prayed for the shield around me as well, and I can feel it working. I am just not very afraid. It is SO freeing! I can even spend the night alone at my house, and not have one single fear! Not even a skiddish moment! In fact, I like it when I stay home alone, because it is easier to sing loud to Jesus. I don't do that when people are home. I just played praise music as loud as I could and sang my heart out and got on my knees. You can't do that with other people in the house. And there's nothing like it.

Lately I have been so busy with life, and it kinda made me not notice the Lord as much during my days. A busy life can be a bad thing sometimes! It's harder to notice Jesus when life is just a whirlwind of people and places. Because of my busy life it had been like three days since I truly felt the Lord's presence in a real way. In my bathroom earlier I was putting my cold toes in warm water, and I just had this random, sudden sadness. I was so utterly alone in that room, and it cut deep. I was like "Jesus! I feel sad!!! I feel lonely!!! I am missing you!!!! " and the verse about him delighting in every detail of our lives came to mind. And I realized that Jesus delights in EVERY detail of my life. Even those random sad moments that make no sense at all and won't even matter tomorrow. He's there in every moment and cares more than I could ever imagine. I sat on the edge of my tub and stared saying "God, you care about even the little details of my life, don't you? These random seconds of sadness where I just cry out to you. These moments where I feel loneliest." ...then in my heart I heard these wonderful words in return: "Yes, more than you know." and I felt his presence in my knees like I always have since I was a little girl. What a nice, nice moment.