I came to a new wonderful conclusion while watching "When in Rome" the other day. The first scene is the leading lady talking about her ex as he walks up behind her. He turns her around and says suddenly "I was wrong…I thought that I couldn't love someone who was so obsessed with her work, but now I know I can". So her friends are like "OH MY GOODNESS!! HE says he's wrong!!!" and they THOUGHT they overheard him saying he wants to marry her so they start the band and a big congratulatory music set arises. The only problem is..what he REALLY said was the he found a woman who is obsessed with her work and he's going to marry THAT girl. So basically the whole room is dancing around celebrating her engagement that is nothing more than an embarrassing mix up. It zeros in on her face dramatically and I related in that moment all too well.
The good news is it's GREAT that I could relate. Why would that be great, you ask? Because it means I'm being set up to be the greatest heroine of all time! (Now, I'm not talking about the drug Heroine, because Macy got a little confused on that one.) I am talking about the leading lady whose love story is worth making a movie about. The one who watches everything work out for everybody else while her life gets more awkward and heart breaking by the minute. Some people have a smooth pathway to love and everything turns out just right. But that's not the case for a heroine…no…if you look closely at romantic comedies the main character is usually the one who has gone through many tortured moments and is in a position that nobody really wants to be in. She is the one everyone prays will be comforted so they don't feel so bad about being happy.
But she's supposed to have it rough. That's why she's the heroine! What we love about her is that things work out even though she's always been the quirky girl who watches everyone else fall in love and has had her life constantly in utter shambles. She has to live an awkward record scratching life before her love story can be intriguing and fun to watch. Things may not be easy, but in the end she is the one who has a movie about her life. It wouldn't be interesting if she didn't make a complete fool out of herself and spend many nights with only ben and jerry for company. And in my case..having people figure out which one of the twins I am by grabbing my hand and saying as loudly as possible: "NOPE! It's Abby..NO RING. Are you okay by the way? How are you umm..ya know..handling things. Praying for you by the way." Am I right or am I right?
Here are some examples for you:
Never Been Kissed- the completely freakazoid girl hasn't even kissed anyone and has gone through a tortured life being a fashionless nerd. She then gets to go back to highschool and fall in love with a hottie teacher who gives her the best first kiss of her life. I know this because I rewound it a couple of times the first time I watched it. It was just too cute to watch only once.
While You Were Sleeping- weird train station girl finally gets the chance to fall in love when she she fakes being the fiance of the man she's been in love with for sometime. Smashed by a truck and unconcious, he has no way of stopping her. She actually falls in love with his brother, though, but that's beside the point. The love that came from that train wreck and her foolish lies would not be as interesting if she wasn't a creepy stalker at a train station with nothing going for her. JUST SAYIN.
Legally Blond- When she thinks she's being proposed to she's really being dumped. She has the same face I referred to earlier and it only gets worse from there. She has to start from the bottom up and her ex chooses a prude with too much seriousness in her tone of voice to marry instead. Luckily, everything works out for Elle and if it just worked out all along that wouldn't even be any fun, now would it?!
Classic Cinderella- She's gotta take her chance with the fireplace before she has any chance to take on love. Rags to riches…terrible circumstances to glorious dancing at the ball.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding- Unattractive shy girl who slowly creeps behind the counter and has never had a man even look her way finally hits her big break. Everything is terrible, and then mr. long locks walks in and changes her life forever.
27 Dresses- Girl has to watch everyone else and their moms get married while she just has a closet full of bridesmaid dresses. How disappointing would it be if she was the first to get married and everything turned out right?! BOOOORING. A movie can't be made from that weak storyline! Unless something goes wrong and the man turns out to have lied about the fact that he's actually a hermaphrodite, there's no movie to be made.
Now, I know what you're thinking…why is she even saying all this? Why does she even have to realize that she may be in the midst of being set up to be the greatest heroine in the history of the world? She's incredible and amazing and beautiful and I hear she's a prodigy child. She's single and 22 and has the world at her fingertips! And saying that would be correct. Being single and 22 IS very normal….but being single at 22 with a twin sister who is married? WELL…people tend to take that a little differently. Just ask the folks who are worried about me and ask my family how I'm doing. ORRRR ask the people who come up to me and say "WOW. You must be such a strong woman. I could NEVER do it." (insert my awkward what do I say face here)
All I know is this…..the things that happen to me are SO bizarre and ridiculous that it's almost comical. My love life throughout my life has been soo tragic and awkward that it only makes since that I'll be the leading lady one day. Infact, it makes me remember back to my first awkward/horrifying love situation in seventh grade. I REALLY liked this boy back then and we hung out a lot but he never saw me as more than a friend. But FINALLY when February came around he approached me with love in his eyes. "What do you think a girl your age would like for Valentine's Day?!" he asked excitedly. My heart beat faster and my palms became sweaty…ohhh my GOSH! Is this what I think it is?! "Umm..you know, flowers, chocolates, a card or something." I said back as cool as I could.Then he looked at me and said in what felt like the loudest tone ever: "GREAT! Katie will LOVE it!" Did I mention that Katie was one of my best friends? Hot blonde with shapely firm legs. Yep. That best friend.
It's one of those things where it's like there's no way this would happen to anybody else. I even had a pinecone fall on my head when I was at my wits end a few years ago after I flung myself dramatically in the grass. It just DOESN'T happen. That's why I'm here to let you know in advance that my life story will be one of the greatest stories in the history of all time.
Soooo..next time I am put in a situation that makes me cry out: "Am I being punkd?!"... I can confidently move forward and know that my story is just getting that much better.
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