I have been a wife for a little over two weeks now and before I really had to do anything, I was really successful at it. Playing around is my specialty and when that's all I had to do I got an A+ in that department with bonus points probably. The problem is….I am realizing just how much of a rookie I am at anything domestic. I always had this hope I would just be a natural and rays of sunshine would flood into the kitchen window as I blissfully took a perfect turkey out of the oven. Unfortunately..that's not exactly how it works and I am now more thankful than ever that I have some time to figure all this out. Because…so far…after one day of trying…it's a FAIL.
I decided to cook yesterday. Of course we ate everything in sight on our honeymoon so now I'm on a health kick to lose the good five pounds I gained last week so I thought I'd try my hand at tilapia. He told me that he liked Lawry's powder and to make it look orange. SO, I DID….I crusted the fire out of those tilapias and by the time I was finished with them I could barely scarf a bite down. It was like biting into fishy salt and seaweed. I could not even eat one, but Brian ate TWO because he's getting an A in the husband department. I don't know how he did it. We went and got sonic afterwards.
When we got home Brian laughed because the drier rack was in backwards. "I am a homemaking disaster!!!!" I yelled dramatically falling into bed later that night. "You are a homemaking WARRIOR!" he said very seriously back. Yes, a warrior is right because if you don't know anything about cooking or cleaning…it really is a battle. Just make sure the person you marry thinks you're cute and remind him about your amazing personality everyday if you don't know anything about being domestic. Cause well…that will sustain him until he REALLY needs you to be killin it on the home front. If you are already a susie homemaker…you are a step ahead. I seriously thought I'd be a crazy cat lady extremely manless my entire life so I didn't really take time to prepare….
On a more successful note, our time in California was a BLAST!!! I had Brian all to myself for seven days with no work for him which was incredible. I only didn't see him when I was sleeping so that pretty much sums up the best life ever! He got a patdown by a man which was pretty much the funniest moment in my life. Except for maybe when he got stuck by another man in a TINY airplane seat. That might have been a little funnier.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
*And then we realized...we had no way out!*
I knew that it wouldn't be easy getting through my wedding day without any awkward moments. I kept looking around to see if everything was still going right and for the most part awkward moments were held at bay. As we drove away in the truck, I REALLY thought I was going to make it through the entire day without any mishaps...but I was wrong.
"AHHH!!! We're MARRIED!!!!" I screamed grabbing Brian's hand and waving at all the guests who were watching us drive away. We talked excitedly and held hands as we drove off into our happily ever after. About two minutes into our blissful drive, we realized that there was no way out the way we were driving. We looked on the map to figure out how to get out and realized with utter disbelief that we were going to have to drive BACK around our wedding party because we were in a no outlet!
It's like when you say goodbye to someone and they continue to walk beside you because your cars are actually parked beside each other. It's just not right. "I mean...should we like wait a minute or something?" Brian said to me as I began laughing thinking about how awkward driving back would be. I made us wait until they at least had time to make it back up the hill with their bubbles.
After a moment of waiting, we drove back around the corner to find ALL our guests still standing in the same spot like they were waiting for us to come back. I heard someone scream "They're back!" and I started laughing so hard I cried a little. I have never in my life seen the bride and groom come BACK after being sent off.
I guess I'd never seen a bride eat tons of bacon at her wedding either. Or talk during the ceremony to the audience. Or dance her bustle off. I also got shhhhed by the Big Cedar people before I walked out because I was screaming "I'm getting married!!!!!" and I saw Brian walk by to take his mom out and had to scream "HEY BOO!!!!!" and they were not happy about that.
I always wondered what I would feel like right before I got married and I'm here to tell you it's nothing like you think. It's just all so surreal that you end up dancing down the isle when you didn't even really plan to. It just happens. Your body takes over and nerves set in...you know how that goes. Unfortunately nerves for me means I'll probably do something crazy like scream "WOO WOO WOO" and shake my flowers at the groom when I get down the isle. I saw the video and seriously didn't remember doing that. Very unplanned.
All in all it was a very Abby wedding and absolutely perfect for me. A small and cozy wedding with lots of amazing food that I seriously wish I ate more of. I didn't really know what the food would be like and blindly planned my wedding in a lot of ways, so I was happy with it!!! With Big Cedar you literally like point to what you want and then forget what you pointed to. It was awesome.
Right now I'm waiting for my HUSBAND to get back from work. :) We are here for a week until we go on our honeymoon to California next week!!! Our wedding was like a vacation and moving towns is a pretty huge deal so I'm glad for the break. I'm very thankful for the quiet and the stillness I have right now. After the music fades and the fake nails chip off....the quiet creeps in and settles itself around me. All I hear right now is the gentle whir of a ceiling fan and I can't explain how good that feels. :)
Anyway this blog might have been choppy because I still feel like my head is all over the place. There are so many thoughts and emotions in my brain right now that I can't seem to do anything strait. It's a good kind of losing your mind, though! That's for sure!!! This is the happiest I've ever been. Ever.
"AHHH!!! We're MARRIED!!!!" I screamed grabbing Brian's hand and waving at all the guests who were watching us drive away. We talked excitedly and held hands as we drove off into our happily ever after. About two minutes into our blissful drive, we realized that there was no way out the way we were driving. We looked on the map to figure out how to get out and realized with utter disbelief that we were going to have to drive BACK around our wedding party because we were in a no outlet!
It's like when you say goodbye to someone and they continue to walk beside you because your cars are actually parked beside each other. It's just not right. "I mean...should we like wait a minute or something?" Brian said to me as I began laughing thinking about how awkward driving back would be. I made us wait until they at least had time to make it back up the hill with their bubbles.
After a moment of waiting, we drove back around the corner to find ALL our guests still standing in the same spot like they were waiting for us to come back. I heard someone scream "They're back!" and I started laughing so hard I cried a little. I have never in my life seen the bride and groom come BACK after being sent off.
I guess I'd never seen a bride eat tons of bacon at her wedding either. Or talk during the ceremony to the audience. Or dance her bustle off. I also got shhhhed by the Big Cedar people before I walked out because I was screaming "I'm getting married!!!!!" and I saw Brian walk by to take his mom out and had to scream "HEY BOO!!!!!" and they were not happy about that.
I always wondered what I would feel like right before I got married and I'm here to tell you it's nothing like you think. It's just all so surreal that you end up dancing down the isle when you didn't even really plan to. It just happens. Your body takes over and nerves set in...you know how that goes. Unfortunately nerves for me means I'll probably do something crazy like scream "WOO WOO WOO" and shake my flowers at the groom when I get down the isle. I saw the video and seriously didn't remember doing that. Very unplanned.
All in all it was a very Abby wedding and absolutely perfect for me. A small and cozy wedding with lots of amazing food that I seriously wish I ate more of. I didn't really know what the food would be like and blindly planned my wedding in a lot of ways, so I was happy with it!!! With Big Cedar you literally like point to what you want and then forget what you pointed to. It was awesome.
Right now I'm waiting for my HUSBAND to get back from work. :) We are here for a week until we go on our honeymoon to California next week!!! Our wedding was like a vacation and moving towns is a pretty huge deal so I'm glad for the break. I'm very thankful for the quiet and the stillness I have right now. After the music fades and the fake nails chip off....the quiet creeps in and settles itself around me. All I hear right now is the gentle whir of a ceiling fan and I can't explain how good that feels. :)
Anyway this blog might have been choppy because I still feel like my head is all over the place. There are so many thoughts and emotions in my brain right now that I can't seem to do anything strait. It's a good kind of losing your mind, though! That's for sure!!! This is the happiest I've ever been. Ever.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
*Falling Into Place*
After many debacles…everything is finally falling into place. I know they were definitely debacles because I learned a lot about that word from my math teacher in highschool. He tutored me and my twin for the better part of his work day and he'd explain what to do, show us on the board, and then ask us to do it by ourselves. After giving us about five minutes, he would come back and go: "WHAT?! This is a DEBACLE!!! Where did you get THAT number?!" He said debacle so much that I actually picked it up and use it in my everyday conversations.
The debacle lately was the fact that my wedding dress was altered too tight as some of you well know. I mean…that may sound so miniscule but if the wedding dress you just spent equal to half your life savings on cuts off your circulation and gives unwanted muffin tops, that is pretty much a worse case scenario for a woman. Luckily, that nightmare is no longer a reality and my mom has really saved the day!!! After many stressful days and a lot of bridezilla moments, my mom came through and fixed my dress!! It was truly a wedding miracle and it came just in the nick of time.
Now I feel like those stressful things are behind me, and everything is starting to fall into place the way I really wanted them to. Yesterday was my bridal portraits and it ended up being so much fun! The weather was amazing, the sun was amazing, and my helpers were amazing. My dad, mom, and Kate were there carrying my dress around and trying to figure out how to fit me into the car. Moving around outside with a wedding dress on is seriously like a major puzzle you have to figure out. There's a lot of: "Don't move!!" and "Wait, I don't have that part!" and "Walk slower!!". They were really great and I was SO happy to have them. I managed to get away without a tire mark on my dress unlike Molly years back. It was as perfect as this life can get, but obviously there were funny things along the way that were unplanned.
The thing I love most about pictures is that they make life seem so much more dreamlike than it really is. They make us feel like there is such thing as Heaven on earth and if the day was actually like the pictures indicated, that would be true. I mean my engagement pictures were taken in 112 degree weather and I had a major outburst of emotion while getting ready because I felt like my hair was doing something crazy and I was second guessing all my outfits! It wasn't a dreamlike day, but the pictures made it seem SO perfect. We looked like we were living in a cloud of happiness for a day. I love that about pictures. We can make our brains only remember the good and the smiles if the aftermath of the pictures is all we focus on.
My bridals are going to look like the day was absolutely perfect and even though it was SO much fun, I was laughing at all the imperfections. Like the fact that there were crickets jumping up my legs and finding shelter in my dress. I was avoiding some animal poop half the time and there was this enormous dog on the loose! There have been three attempts by big dogs to try and eat me lately, and I am frankly tired of it. My fear of large dogs is increasing as the days progress and it's definitely not my fault. It's called a leash, people…or a FENCE.
At the bridals, there was also a man getting his son in major trouble in the background and we heard screams and yelps from a redneck establishment on yonder mountain. Then I thought I saw a man shirtless coming towards us, but it was really a skin colored shirt on a woman riding a horse. I was like "A shirtless man! No, wait…a woman on a horse!" and the photographer just goes: "Wow, that is so random." haha Yes, yes it was….
Then there was a creepy man in a creepy car that kept creepin around! I can't use the word creepy enough as you can tell. I've never seen my dad want to shove me in a car so bad, haha. I was like talking and laughing and dad was like: "ABBY! Get in the car..this man is near, I can hear him!" I don't know what I'll do when I don't have an overly worried dad around. If he knows I've walked outside alone even a street over he freaks out. He's such a good dad! He spent his 50th birthday holding my bouquet while he paid for me to have pictures taken. He is truly a selfless and good man!! :)
I am so thankful to have bridal portraits over with and it really relieves a lot of stress and helps me to look forward to the actual day. Knowing I have a dress that will actually fit me and not make me pass out is such a good feeling. I ate a hamburger last night without panic about my dress and it was truly one of the best feelings I've felt in a long time.
I may have gone through a few bridal meltdowns to get where I am today…but it's finally looking like it's all coming together. And I can happily eat again which is great because hardcore worrying about my food does the opposite effect. It just makes me bloat with unhappiness. So I am thankful to be back to my old self again. :)
The debacle lately was the fact that my wedding dress was altered too tight as some of you well know. I mean…that may sound so miniscule but if the wedding dress you just spent equal to half your life savings on cuts off your circulation and gives unwanted muffin tops, that is pretty much a worse case scenario for a woman. Luckily, that nightmare is no longer a reality and my mom has really saved the day!!! After many stressful days and a lot of bridezilla moments, my mom came through and fixed my dress!! It was truly a wedding miracle and it came just in the nick of time.
Now I feel like those stressful things are behind me, and everything is starting to fall into place the way I really wanted them to. Yesterday was my bridal portraits and it ended up being so much fun! The weather was amazing, the sun was amazing, and my helpers were amazing. My dad, mom, and Kate were there carrying my dress around and trying to figure out how to fit me into the car. Moving around outside with a wedding dress on is seriously like a major puzzle you have to figure out. There's a lot of: "Don't move!!" and "Wait, I don't have that part!" and "Walk slower!!". They were really great and I was SO happy to have them. I managed to get away without a tire mark on my dress unlike Molly years back. It was as perfect as this life can get, but obviously there were funny things along the way that were unplanned.
The thing I love most about pictures is that they make life seem so much more dreamlike than it really is. They make us feel like there is such thing as Heaven on earth and if the day was actually like the pictures indicated, that would be true. I mean my engagement pictures were taken in 112 degree weather and I had a major outburst of emotion while getting ready because I felt like my hair was doing something crazy and I was second guessing all my outfits! It wasn't a dreamlike day, but the pictures made it seem SO perfect. We looked like we were living in a cloud of happiness for a day. I love that about pictures. We can make our brains only remember the good and the smiles if the aftermath of the pictures is all we focus on.
My bridals are going to look like the day was absolutely perfect and even though it was SO much fun, I was laughing at all the imperfections. Like the fact that there were crickets jumping up my legs and finding shelter in my dress. I was avoiding some animal poop half the time and there was this enormous dog on the loose! There have been three attempts by big dogs to try and eat me lately, and I am frankly tired of it. My fear of large dogs is increasing as the days progress and it's definitely not my fault. It's called a leash, people…or a FENCE.
At the bridals, there was also a man getting his son in major trouble in the background and we heard screams and yelps from a redneck establishment on yonder mountain. Then I thought I saw a man shirtless coming towards us, but it was really a skin colored shirt on a woman riding a horse. I was like "A shirtless man! No, wait…a woman on a horse!" and the photographer just goes: "Wow, that is so random." haha Yes, yes it was….
Then there was a creepy man in a creepy car that kept creepin around! I can't use the word creepy enough as you can tell. I've never seen my dad want to shove me in a car so bad, haha. I was like talking and laughing and dad was like: "ABBY! Get in the car..this man is near, I can hear him!" I don't know what I'll do when I don't have an overly worried dad around. If he knows I've walked outside alone even a street over he freaks out. He's such a good dad! He spent his 50th birthday holding my bouquet while he paid for me to have pictures taken. He is truly a selfless and good man!! :)
I am so thankful to have bridal portraits over with and it really relieves a lot of stress and helps me to look forward to the actual day. Knowing I have a dress that will actually fit me and not make me pass out is such a good feeling. I ate a hamburger last night without panic about my dress and it was truly one of the best feelings I've felt in a long time.
I may have gone through a few bridal meltdowns to get where I am today…but it's finally looking like it's all coming together. And I can happily eat again which is great because hardcore worrying about my food does the opposite effect. It just makes me bloat with unhappiness. So I am thankful to be back to my old self again. :)
Monday, September 24, 2012
*Little Reminders*
Life has a funny way of reminding us that this place isn't Heaven. Even when our lives are at their peak of happiness, when we get a little taste of what Heaven might be like…those pesky little things come and poke us unexpectedly to make sure we remember this is still a fallen world.
For instance…if you haven't planned a wedding in your life, you may be under the false impression that it is fun or easy. I chose a venue where I don't have to plan very much, but I'm telling you…even that can't stop things from messing up. I found my perfect dress about a month ago. You know, the one I've dreamt of all my life…... ya, that one. Well when I picked it up from the alterations place last week, it was TOO SMALL!!! I can't breathe at all and that awkward muffin top of the back has made an appearance! Now I'm stuck on this horrifying diet where I can either eat non buttered vegetables all day or a handful of real people food. Talk about not being ideal!!!! I saw this bumper sticker on facebook that said: "Men think a woman's greatest dream is to find the perfect man….but it's actually eating anything they want and never getting fat." SO true. So very, very true.
I also got wind today that my photographer accidentally double booked, but I am so proud of myself because I have yet to freak out. I think I used all my freak out and bridezilla moments when my dress didn't fit. It not only didn't fit, though…it wasn't even close to fitting before my mom did her rescue 911!!! So give me some grace. My mom luckily did some damage control so that it at least can make it's way on me, but it's certainly not where it needs to be at this point in my opinion. But I refuse to keep waking up with night sweats over it anymore. I'm just tired of freaking out to be honest…it's so tiring.
Maybe I'm just supposed to be learning a lesson about vanity. Maybe I need to do what we were taught as a little kid, and focus on my heart beauty instead. Maybe I'm supposed to realize that my wedding day is not about not having a back muffin top, but about marrying the man God has made for me to live this life with. At the end of the day, I am marrying the right man so I just need to focus on that! The flowers, the food, the portraits, the dress…it's all so minimal compared to what this day means.
I may pass out at the alter thanks to my dress being taken in to fit one of those people that run every morning at five am….but I'll still be marrying Brian! And that's what matters the most.
For instance…if you haven't planned a wedding in your life, you may be under the false impression that it is fun or easy. I chose a venue where I don't have to plan very much, but I'm telling you…even that can't stop things from messing up. I found my perfect dress about a month ago. You know, the one I've dreamt of all my life…... ya, that one. Well when I picked it up from the alterations place last week, it was TOO SMALL!!! I can't breathe at all and that awkward muffin top of the back has made an appearance! Now I'm stuck on this horrifying diet where I can either eat non buttered vegetables all day or a handful of real people food. Talk about not being ideal!!!! I saw this bumper sticker on facebook that said: "Men think a woman's greatest dream is to find the perfect man….but it's actually eating anything they want and never getting fat." SO true. So very, very true.
I also got wind today that my photographer accidentally double booked, but I am so proud of myself because I have yet to freak out. I think I used all my freak out and bridezilla moments when my dress didn't fit. It not only didn't fit, though…it wasn't even close to fitting before my mom did her rescue 911!!! So give me some grace. My mom luckily did some damage control so that it at least can make it's way on me, but it's certainly not where it needs to be at this point in my opinion. But I refuse to keep waking up with night sweats over it anymore. I'm just tired of freaking out to be honest…it's so tiring.
Maybe I'm just supposed to be learning a lesson about vanity. Maybe I need to do what we were taught as a little kid, and focus on my heart beauty instead. Maybe I'm supposed to realize that my wedding day is not about not having a back muffin top, but about marrying the man God has made for me to live this life with. At the end of the day, I am marrying the right man so I just need to focus on that! The flowers, the food, the portraits, the dress…it's all so minimal compared to what this day means.
I may pass out at the alter thanks to my dress being taken in to fit one of those people that run every morning at five am….but I'll still be marrying Brian! And that's what matters the most.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
*My Engaged Life*
I've wondered my whole life what it would be like to be engaged. I started in fifth grade writing in a journal about my future husband and thinking about him like many girls do. The boys may have been busy playing basketball or playing video games without the slightest thought of us on their brain all these years, but girls….we've thought about getting married from the very moment we heard what marriage was or saw a grown up lady in a big, white dress. The closest relationship of all between two humans and a big princess dress- what could be more appealing to a woman?
-I am failing miserably at a wedding diet! Diets make me hungry even thinking about them so I end up going overboard the wrong direction when I try to diet!!! :0 Ultimate fail doesn't even begin to describe it!
Being engaged feels different than I thought it would in so many ways. First of all, it's like an out of body experience. You don't actually feel engaged and it almost feels strange when someone asks you about your wedding. Me? Engaged? What are you talking about?! What is this ring on my finger doing here?! It's like I get to be reminded all the time because it never quite sinks in. I feel the same way I did before so it's hard to imagine me being the one wearing that white dress. And even better and more exciting than the white dress is being the girl lucky enough to be picked by Brian!!! That is the best part of all. That part is so much more important than any wedding hoorah.
I haven't had a miraculous change and I'm not constantly jumping on my bed singing Taylor Swift love songs like I would have if I got engaged as a teenager. When I was younger, all of my "love life" was basically fabricated up in my head. I would think about someone more than actually living life and sharing deep things with them. But with Brian, I am so close to him and he knows everything about me and I can talk about whatever, whenever. It's much deeper and much more secure than anything I've ever felt. I don't have to worry about what to do or say, because he always accepts me. Not to mention, it's just a lot more FUN. He is so funny and always ready to have a good time. And if I have a stomach ache he rushes over to the nearest public restroom to drop me off. That's the true love story…that's what REALLY happens in this world we live in. Never dreamt of that as a kid, did ya? Never saw that on your favorite romantic comedy, huh? Well, that's life, sister! So find someone who isn't awkward or you are going to live a long and perilous life!!!
Being engaged to Brian is the most secure feeling I've ever had. I also laugh more than I used to and I'm not just waiting for him to call and making my mind wander…he's ALWAYS there and everything I think in my head is what's actually happening. This love is more real and stable than the jumping on the bed kind or running at each other in a flower field. It's something I know can stand the test of real life. It's the kind that understands that love isn't about just the butterflies and giddy moments (though they are fun, can't lie!) but it's about knowing that life is still life even after you're married…and times won't always be easy in this fallen world…but you both are committed to figure out life together and stick with each other with the help of God no matter what comes even when the butterflies stop. (I read one time that when you are in love a chemical in your brain goes off for like a year and a half that makes you goo goo, then it's gone…hence, the butterflies stop and what is left is only what was actually solid and lasting.) The solid and lasting can only come from Jesus and His help. I am so thankful that I have found someone that God has planned for me and it's such a good feeling knowing that He is behind me on this decision. It's the best knowing with 100 percent confidence that what I am doing is right in the sight of the Lord, because I know no matter where I move or what I do…God will work it out for me one way or another.
On a completely different note, here's how the wedding/new life planning is going:
-The wedding is already planned considering I got a package deal at Big Cedar!!! WOO!!!! NO stress!
-Bridesmaid dresses came in yesterday!
-Brian's tux is ordered and he looked AMAZING in the fitting mirror!!! I got emotional when I saw his shiny shoes…he's marrying me in those shiny shoes! *TEARS* AHHHHHHH
-My dress is my favorite dress EVER and I'll pick it up on the 17th! I literally haven't found a dress in this world I like more which is the way it should be!! WOO WOO!
-We got our honeymoon booked this week! An island off the coast of San Diego to avoid Hurricanes for this storm fearing woman!! YAY! It will be AWESOME!!!
-We bought furniture this week….it's the BEST furniture I've ever had!!!!!! SO PUMPED!!!! My man is the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-I painted for the first time with Brian and his dad the other day! They've painted all the trim in our house and put in new doors. It looks ready for newlyweds!!! YAY!!!
-I am failing miserably at a wedding diet! Diets make me hungry even thinking about them so I end up going overboard the wrong direction when I try to diet!!! :0 Ultimate fail doesn't even begin to describe it!
-Insurance is kinda awkward when you quit your job and don't get married till October! Just sayin!!! Luckily, I'm marrying an insurance genius who can figure things out. He's the best insurance agent in the world and if you are ever in need of the most incredible coverage you've always dreamed of…you are looking in the wrong place until you are under the safety wings of Brian! haha
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
*Firsts Days and Foggy Mirrors*
I love first days. They bring so much excitement and mystery and imagination about what could be. There's so much newness and hope and anticipation of what the year will be like. First days are thought about long before they arrive, so when they do come our way-we are more than ready. These firsts are usually good days, but they rarely are a clear indicator of what will really be. You just never know what surprises you'll get that you never thought about before.
I think of my first day of 2nd grade when I finally went to school (still illiterate..it was TIME). Or my first day of 5th grade when I moved schools. My first day of college and my first days of work. I imagined all of them in my mind far before they happened and would go through scenarios in my mind I thought would come true. I even had a few dreams at night that gave me a picture of what I thought it would be like, but nothing I came up with in my mind was ever even close. And even when I got a visual on the first day of who I could be friends with or what could happen…it always surprised me how it turned out. It was never what it seemed.
My entire future right now is one blank canvas that I try to keep picturing, but can't even come up with an image for. I don't know the new place I'm going well enough to even have an idea. I don't know who i'll meet and be close to or what things will turn out to be. I've always at least been able to come up with some sort of picture, but for my new town it's just…empty. (I mean it's taken me 24 years to figure out where I am here, no telling how long it'll take there!!!)
I have a few glimpses of my new life from my first days….but I know enough about life to know that it won't be anything like I see now. It's so strange looking at my whole life through such foggy mirrors. At least here I can picture where everything is and am certain that it will look like that next year. Shipley's donuts has been my tried and true future promise from birth. I just have some hazy images of a CVS pharmacy in the new town, but that's about it.
Sometimes I have a little panic moment wondering what on earth I'm doing…but I know with all my heart that Brian is worth it. And above all- God's plan is worth it. Like they said on Sunday...sometimes God will just come in and change everything about your life and blow up all you knew for a bigger and better thing.
But it's still the scariest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And as we all know…my life hasn't been void of scary things. ha
I think of my first day of 2nd grade when I finally went to school (still illiterate..it was TIME). Or my first day of 5th grade when I moved schools. My first day of college and my first days of work. I imagined all of them in my mind far before they happened and would go through scenarios in my mind I thought would come true. I even had a few dreams at night that gave me a picture of what I thought it would be like, but nothing I came up with in my mind was ever even close. And even when I got a visual on the first day of who I could be friends with or what could happen…it always surprised me how it turned out. It was never what it seemed.
My entire future right now is one blank canvas that I try to keep picturing, but can't even come up with an image for. I don't know the new place I'm going well enough to even have an idea. I don't know who i'll meet and be close to or what things will turn out to be. I've always at least been able to come up with some sort of picture, but for my new town it's just…empty. (I mean it's taken me 24 years to figure out where I am here, no telling how long it'll take there!!!)
I have a few glimpses of my new life from my first days….but I know enough about life to know that it won't be anything like I see now. It's so strange looking at my whole life through such foggy mirrors. At least here I can picture where everything is and am certain that it will look like that next year. Shipley's donuts has been my tried and true future promise from birth. I just have some hazy images of a CVS pharmacy in the new town, but that's about it.
Sometimes I have a little panic moment wondering what on earth I'm doing…but I know with all my heart that Brian is worth it. And above all- God's plan is worth it. Like they said on Sunday...sometimes God will just come in and change everything about your life and blow up all you knew for a bigger and better thing.
But it's still the scariest thing I've ever done in my entire life. And as we all know…my life hasn't been void of scary things. ha
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
*Greater Plan*
There's just something about a thunderstorm…
I'm nestled up in for the night in my cozy room at my brother's house. I've basically been a nomad this summer traveling from free bed to free bed and I've made it back here for now. I'll be moving to my newest place soon that I will call home forever. I'm ready to find a new normal…whatever that might be. I actually have no idea.
The word nomad originally refers to people who traveled from one pasture to another which is completely true for me these days. The road between my city now and my new city is FULL of pastures. Pretty ones…creepy ones…redneck ones…flat ones. My new life is a very flat one, actually…but a really beautiful flat one with the man of my dreams.
Brian is painting the baseboards of our house white today and it's looking great. I'm not gonna lie..it's kind of nice to be the one typing on the computer while he gets it done there. He's so good at getting things done. He would be that mountain man in the olden days building our house and killing dinner every night without a problem. I can picture him easily with an axe and mule which is good because you never know when the end of the world is coming…choose your mate wisely.
Today is exactly a year from my first day of work and the day Samuel was born. It's made me really think through this past year and it amazes me how much I've been through and what all has changed. If I would've told myself last year that I would be here today…I wouldn't of believed it. But I know I would be extremely happy and would've had a hard time waiting for this time to get here! I guess it's good that God only shows us certain things at a time.
I am starting to see even more the bigger picture in my life and that God truly is working everything for my good. He sees such a different view of our lives than we do, and I wish I could just learn to trust Him because He ALWAYS comes through. I just forget that so easily, ya know? It's easy to forget that when things are unsure. It was easy to forget that on the countless nights I seriously thought I was doomed to be a crazy cat lady. I wasn't happy with God's plan then because I just couldn't see outside my life at that point. But God saw something greater…something bigger…something worth waiting for.
I am so thankful God brought Brian to me because he is exactly what I need in a husband. I trust him with all my heart and he sets such a good example for me in the way he lives his life. I respect him so much and stand behind him 100% and never doubt where his heart is. It's clear that the Holy Spirit lives inside him because it radiates through him. He's so sweet and works so hard and is a provider I can rely on. He's hilarious and is always ready to have fun and has the same sense of humor as me. He is so easy to talk to and you can't freak him out for anything. He literally knows everything about me that I remembered to tell and still loves me! I never have to be afraid to say things and he always makes me feel special. He's super strong and can pick up anything..he's like on Chuck Norris status from what I've seen. He's not afraid of emotion and has a steady way about him that makes me feel safe. He has a very smart brain that amazes me everyday…like he is a prodigy or something. He's a human calculator, I kid you not! He's the kind of guy that comes along and heals all the pain from the past…like it never even happened. He is the most forgiving and pleasant person I have ever met. He's just really a happy guy and it takes like a tsunami crashing into his house to bring him down….but then again… I could still see him positive on a day like that, too. He's just a glass half full type of person. He has high standards and morals that I honestly don't see very often at all and He's the type of man that is completely worth waiting for! He's the type of man that comes once in a lifetime and he's perfectly made for me. (He also smells good which is a bonus!)
I am so glad God didn't allow me to settle in life…I am so glad that He broke up any of my plans that weren't God's best for me. I am so glad God didn't answer a lot of my prayers the way I thought He should in many years past. I am so glad that He held onto the greater story and the greater good…because that's why I am where I am today.
I'm nestled up in for the night in my cozy room at my brother's house. I've basically been a nomad this summer traveling from free bed to free bed and I've made it back here for now. I'll be moving to my newest place soon that I will call home forever. I'm ready to find a new normal…whatever that might be. I actually have no idea.
The word nomad originally refers to people who traveled from one pasture to another which is completely true for me these days. The road between my city now and my new city is FULL of pastures. Pretty ones…creepy ones…redneck ones…flat ones. My new life is a very flat one, actually…but a really beautiful flat one with the man of my dreams.
Brian is painting the baseboards of our house white today and it's looking great. I'm not gonna lie..it's kind of nice to be the one typing on the computer while he gets it done there. He's so good at getting things done. He would be that mountain man in the olden days building our house and killing dinner every night without a problem. I can picture him easily with an axe and mule which is good because you never know when the end of the world is coming…choose your mate wisely.
Today is exactly a year from my first day of work and the day Samuel was born. It's made me really think through this past year and it amazes me how much I've been through and what all has changed. If I would've told myself last year that I would be here today…I wouldn't of believed it. But I know I would be extremely happy and would've had a hard time waiting for this time to get here! I guess it's good that God only shows us certain things at a time.
I am starting to see even more the bigger picture in my life and that God truly is working everything for my good. He sees such a different view of our lives than we do, and I wish I could just learn to trust Him because He ALWAYS comes through. I just forget that so easily, ya know? It's easy to forget that when things are unsure. It was easy to forget that on the countless nights I seriously thought I was doomed to be a crazy cat lady. I wasn't happy with God's plan then because I just couldn't see outside my life at that point. But God saw something greater…something bigger…something worth waiting for.
I am so thankful God brought Brian to me because he is exactly what I need in a husband. I trust him with all my heart and he sets such a good example for me in the way he lives his life. I respect him so much and stand behind him 100% and never doubt where his heart is. It's clear that the Holy Spirit lives inside him because it radiates through him. He's so sweet and works so hard and is a provider I can rely on. He's hilarious and is always ready to have fun and has the same sense of humor as me. He is so easy to talk to and you can't freak him out for anything. He literally knows everything about me that I remembered to tell and still loves me! I never have to be afraid to say things and he always makes me feel special. He's super strong and can pick up anything..he's like on Chuck Norris status from what I've seen. He's not afraid of emotion and has a steady way about him that makes me feel safe. He has a very smart brain that amazes me everyday…like he is a prodigy or something. He's a human calculator, I kid you not! He's the kind of guy that comes along and heals all the pain from the past…like it never even happened. He is the most forgiving and pleasant person I have ever met. He's just really a happy guy and it takes like a tsunami crashing into his house to bring him down….but then again… I could still see him positive on a day like that, too. He's just a glass half full type of person. He has high standards and morals that I honestly don't see very often at all and He's the type of man that is completely worth waiting for! He's the type of man that comes once in a lifetime and he's perfectly made for me. (He also smells good which is a bonus!)
I am so glad God didn't allow me to settle in life…I am so glad that He broke up any of my plans that weren't God's best for me. I am so glad God didn't answer a lot of my prayers the way I thought He should in many years past. I am so glad that He held onto the greater story and the greater good…because that's why I am where I am today.
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