*That's Life!*

I'm sitting in my old dorm room with a flood of thoughts filling my mind. It's a place that brings back so many memories that stay locked here until I return. It's a world that disappears when I go home to my family...a world that sometimes feels like it was only a dream. It's funny how memories work like that sometimes.

My mind has been full of memories lately because of this monumental time in my life. I'm sure you all know about this because I can't stop talking about it! I think we wait and wait and wait and never celebrate what we've waited for when it finally gets here. That's why I have been talking about it...I won't upset myself by not being happy about something I've wanted for a long time. I believe in celebrating and not just waiting around for things...I like to celebrate what's already HERE.

I don't know about you, but I always picture the monumental moments in my life and they never end up the way I imagine. There is always that little snag in the situation that reminds me this isn't heaven and things won't always go as planned. For instance....it's the night before my graduation and I have MAJOR shin splints! Like, very painful, every step is a job well done type of thing. When I imagined this day, I did not dream that I would be in pain from shin splints and half my face sunburned from practice. But the thing is...that's the way life is. I decided to sprint up a large hill two days before graduation and I'm paying the price! Once again, the quest to do something to stay in shape has bit me right in the behind!!! Either way, I'll do it again, because that's life, too.

Not only do I have shin splints, but I also had a terrifying experience at the county jail and figured out that I had lost my drivers license in front of the po. I was at the county jail because my licensure was having a rough time coming through and the big long saga continues. I had to run to the revenue office and pay for a new drivers license and I'm still really confused where mine is. But here's the deal....all of this could really annoy me, or I could just roll with the punches and stay happy regardless. I decided not to get frustrated about any of it and it was a very freeing experience. I have a realistic view on life that makes these little things not surprising to me at all.

Some girls sit around and day dream about their future love story or kids in their spare time. I do that sometimes I will admit, but there's always little snags involved. I imagine my wedding day and I've got this enormous wedgie that I can't do anything about because the congregation is watching the most romantic moment of my life! You know why I dream like that? Because THAT'S LIFE! Find one bride who isn't super stressed about her wedding and I'll find you three flying pigs! I mean, Molly got her wedding dress run over by a car and you wouldn't know that from the pictures! Pictures are so misleading sometimes. You find that smiling mother with her new baby in a photo looking like life is perfect and ask her if she put her hand on her belly with a pleasant smile for nine months strait! I will bet you all the money in the world that's not how it went. Why we all pretend like life doesn't have it's snags is beyond me. Just wait till I get married and have kids you will hear the TRUTH. You'll feel so much better about your life and realize you're quite normal.

The truth is...I am going to graduate with the worst shin splints of my entire life in heels that take the skin off my little pinky toe with my license hanging in the balance over finger prints. But you know what? That's okay! Because it's my graduation day and if it comes with excruciating pain, then so be it. I'm happy and it's going to be a great day, snags and all. My fingerprints may not go through again and I might be stuck at the creepy jail with no handsanitizer for days, but I won't sweat it! Cause that's life here on earth and we better make friends with it. Our perfection and deepest desires will be fulfilled in eternity, and that to me is enough to be joyful in anything that life here brings.

*Nightmare Come True!*

Most graduates have the "dreams". The ones where we finally make it to graduation, but they stop us in our tracks and say we have ONE MORE class to take. It's kind of like when people are having a baby and dream that they give birth to a wooly mammoth instead of a child. I think the "dreams" just come with all life phases.

I've been having dreams like that and am always thrilled to wake up and realize they aren't true. Unfortunately something that SHOULD only be in a graduation nightmare has totally happened to me today in the form of a letter.

I went to get my graduation outfit from the bookstore and of course had to try it on while humming the cliche graduation song. I marched around Macy singing in my black robe for a while celebrating the fact that my worries were over! Graduation was near and I was going to be licensed very soon! Then I had a thought out of nowhere that interrupted my fun….maybe I should check my school mail because I haven't all semester?

Next thing I know I have my face shoved in a mailbox staring at the most horrifying sight! It was a large envelope from the police department that stated: "URGENT! REPLY IMMEDIATE!" First of all…I don't think immediate was used correctly, and second of all it was time to FREAK OUT! The police had sent it in JANUARY and expected me to reply in thirty days. Turns out my fingerprints didn't go through and my background check wasn't cleared.

I ran up to one of my professors and asked them how serious this was and she said: "Oh, it just means you can't get licensed unless you figure that out! That's how big of a deal it is!" WHATTTTT?!?!?! Insert another record scratch of my life! I have worked five years to get a degree and here come the po po being the biggest buzz kill of my life!

I will figure out how to make all this right and I have till August to get my license, but REALLY?! Come on! haha I'll keep you posted on my professional status…I'm going to the Po's office this week to get it all sorted out.

Yikes, right?

*Memories, Messes, and Mom*

I remember the butterflies churning in my stomach as I woke up on this particular Christmas morning. I can't recall the exact year but I think I was around second or third grade. The anticipation had been rising for a couple of weeks because my mom would put more presents under the tree each day. By the time Christmas came, the room was overflowing with gifts and we were full of excitement.

I woke up at 4am and ran into my parents room because I wanted to start Christmas so badly! My love language is gifts, so you can only imagine all the joy that was going on inside of me knowing I had presents ahead. Mom and dad told me to wait until 5am and try to sleep till then, so I went and sat in my bed wide awake for an hour.

Once we finally got downstairs, it almost felt like magic! There were three new bikes and a wagon. Each of my other sibling got a new bike and the wagon was for me. I wasn't very good at riding a bike and I'd much rather have people tote me around and my mom totally knew that. I was way too old to be dragged around, but mom did it anyway. As everyone else tried out their new bikes, I was having a ball in the wagon. (I have yet to enjoy a bike ride…I know HOW but it's always rather unpleasant actually. I know it's cool to ride a bike, but I'm not vogue enough to sit on those abrasive seats!)

Mom always had a way of making days like that so special. I remember one year Molly got crutches because she wanted them so bad. I'm still not sure how she got those, but I'm sure it was a big hassle. Mom really goes above and beyond every single day as a mother and I want to be just like her someday! She literally loves me through thick and thin…even when I was a tubby fifth grader in a pooh shirt, she totally thought I was the cutest thing ever. I still can't convince her that I was super awkward!

This week I have been a total pain in the rear because i'm totally stressed from school. After hard days, I usually just go in my room and crash and am not the most fun person to be around. All day long I am the most smiley, positive person I can be but when I get home I just fall into bed dramatically. My second rotation has really taken it's tole on me and I find myself useless by the time I get home. On top of that, I've made a huge mess of papers, glue sticks, markers, binders, tabs, and so much more all over the floor trying to get my life together! She has totally put up with the mess even though I know it drives her insane! She is borderline OCD so that is true love for sure. She has said some off handed comments but at least she doesn't try to make me clean it up. I need to have a mess right now to get all my stuff in order to graduate and so I REALLY appreciate it. (I hope she reads that, haha)

I can't go into detail about how great my mom is or even begin to touch on how wonderful she is because no writing could be enough. I mean, I wouldn't be who I am today without my mother! She taught me to love children and helped me realize my desire to be a teacher. Even though I didn't learn to read until second grade, my homeschool days are some of my fondest memories!!! I know I can use a lot of the things she's taught me in my classroom and future. Not necessarily strategies on teaching reading, but I have a lot of loving strategies to use, haha! When I become a mom someday, I want to be just like her!!! (Only difference is, I won't make up my bed everyday…I still wonder why people do that just to get back in it?)

I know Molly is going to be a wonderful mother this summer when Samuel is born and a lot of that comes from my mom. I can't wait to do some of the fun stuff from my childhood with my future babies and I hope that I can make them feel as loved as my mom makes me feel. No matter how stressed or grumpy I am at the end of a long workday, mom still greets me with a big smile. When my life is taking care of children all day long, it's nice to have someone take care of me when I get home.

I am so thankful the Lord gave me to her because it was such a good soil to grow up in! She and my dad love Jesus and have instilled those beliefs and values into their children. I am so proud to come from such a Godly legacy and I will work hard to be the same in order to keep it going for generations! I want our family to bring glory to God all of our lives and my mom has really shown me how. What a blessing I was given on the day I was born! :)

*Student Descriptions of Me*

At my going away party today the students all gave me notes and wrote poems describing me. I had a lot of laughs when I got home and read through them because it's funny how students see me. I'm really tired so I don't feel like typing much, but I do want to write a few things that students said about me that you may find entertaining if you know me:

1.) Likes to talk

2.) Is very clean

3.) Wants to have fun

4.) Loves to swiffer

5.) Likes to hug

6.) Loves to work all the time

7.) Lives at school

8.)Likes to be a babysitter

9.) Likes to pre-rinse your dishes

10.) Laughs at everything

11.) Loves to eat

hahahaha…oh, wow. Through the mouths of babes, right?

*Fatal Distractions*

Distraction: Anything or anyone that pulls you away from your God-ordained purpose

First of all I want you to know that this might be pretty important because I really felt some spiritual warefare whenever I got online to write about this. There's something that's come to my attention lately that I haven't thought about and I really want to share it with you!

As most of you know, we are in a CONSTANT battle with the enemy and if we are not aware of that, it can cause many problems. It's not really the popular thing to speak about the unseen war, but it's crucial so I'm going to! One of my spiritual gifts is being a warrior in the unseen battle and I have a major sensitivity to it. It can creep people out when I talk about it, but please still read because it's IMPORTANT. It's not healthy for the battle against darkness to be the MAIN focus, but we also have to use our weapons against it or we will be attacked and sometimes not even know it. It's important to find a balance and not obsess over it, but forgetting about it can be fatal. Usually the most crippling attacks are the ones that are so subtle that we may not even know they are from the enemy.

There's a book that I felt like the Lord wanted me to get the other day called "Fatal Distractions" and I'm so thankful that I did. The Lord has a plan for all of us that is far greater than we can imagine and that will bring glory to His kingdom. The enemy doesn't want it to happen and throws fatal distractions through lies that sink deep into our hearts to try and distract us. The sad thing is most of us believe these as true and don't even realize that it's the enemy trying to sabotage us inside so we aren't as effective for the Kingdom.

I'm going to make myself pretty vulnerable here and give you some examples of the lies that have been put into my head. Looking at it now with a clear view they seem completely insane. But the fact is I have entertained some of these thoughts before. Even though it feels funny to admit these because it's seriously the filthiest part of my thought process, it's completely worth it to me if I can help even one person...

--Here are some examples of the fatal distractions and some of the lies that may come with them: Have you ever?-

*Had envy or jealousy ? "If only you were skinny like her, then you could be loved." "Of course he chose her over you! She's way less dramatic and look at those legs!" "Everything comes easier for her. Why is your life so much harder?"

*Felt completely alone? "Nobody really cares about you." "You're going to be stuck alone for the rest of your life." "If you try to get close to people, they will run when they get to know you."

*Been so angry at someone that you can't get it off your mind? "Can you believe he cheated on you and got away with it? He's even a ministry major, nobody in the ministry can ever keep their lips to themselves." "You deserve to get revenge." "You are allowed to be angry and hate that person…look what they did. Poor you."

*Become bitter because a situation didn't turn out the way you planned? "You will always be the spinster watching everyone else get married. Save up your money…there are lots of gifts to be bought for OTHER people." "Wow…look at your track record for bad situations. Anticipate disappointment in life!" "God wants you to have a bad life because it will make your ministry better. Go ahead and put your hands out for the chains."

*Felt hurt and broken? "Remember that he said you needed a talent or nobody would like you? Let's think about that everyday cause he was RIGHT." "You don't have what it takes and you never will no matter how hard you try."

*Been afraid? "A tornado is going to burst into your room at any moment!" "Enjoy today, because someone you love is going to die and it may be soon." "What's that noise?! I bet it's a killer coming to snatch you up! Freak out about it! COME ON!"

*Let rejection leave you feeling crippled? "They don't want anything to do with you and are smart because of it." "You will never be enough to impress them."

I know that I have felt every single one of those things at one time or another and I am 100% sure that part of the reason I felt that way is because of lies put in my head by the enemy. Some people might even be shocked that I've ever thought those things and they do feel very silly now. I have a sneaky suspicion that everyone else might have some things they've thought that would be embarrassing to put on paper. But when we believe them in the isolation of our own minds, they aren't silly at all. They are truly fatal to us and can distract us from growing in Christ and doing what He's called us to do.

Those crazy lies that we believe can get us into some MAJOR trouble. Isn't that how he got Eve to sin for the first time anyway? He whispers lies that we take for truth even if they are completely insane. When you hear something in your mind that hurts deeply, ask yourself if it might be the enemy trying to distract you. These things may have crippled us in the past, but they don't have to anymore!

Let's stop entertaining lies in our minds that just make us miserable. Following the Lord will never be easy because attacks will certainly come, but let's at least be ready for them. Our God is greater and stronger and much more powerful than anything we have against us. Praise Jesus for His constant power and that He fights on our behalf!!! We are valuable, we are loved, God has a wonderful plan, we have so much to be thankful for, we are NEVER alone, we are beautiful, we are treasured, we do have what it takes because of the power of Jesus Christ inside us! :) We are more than over comers!!!!!!!

*Reflections of a Public Outburst*

Two weeks from today I will finally be the proud owner of a diploma if I can just make myself work a little longer. Motivation has been scarce in the past few weeks, but I'm making it just the same. A week and a half longer of pushing myself and I'll finally…and I do mean FINALLLY make it across that graduation stage!

Graduation stage…. the place where I cross over into my future and hopefully don't fall flat on my face in front of everyone. It does scare me a little bit because I usually make an embarrassing display of myself when it comes to any formal ceremony. My best foot is not forward and I even think it stays home.

Speaking of embarrassing displays, I don't think I have written about my outrageous Ludacris rapping that I did in front of the crowd at Kate's wedding. It was one of those things that you look back upon and grimace, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Luckily, it has made for some good jokes so I will say it was worth it even if I did make a spectacle of myself. I am pretty good at doing that.

For those of you who weren't there, I was the Maid of Honor at Kate's wedding and with that came great responsibility. As the Maid of Honor I believe that it is my duty to make sure the reception is the time of everyones life. Because of that duty, I lit up the dance floor, basically put my face into the chocolate fountain, and made grandmas come out and get down. It was WONDERFUL……until "Baby" by Justin Bieber started playing.

Everyone had fun dancing to the chorus part and it seemed like it would be a dance party the whole time. Unfortunately the verse part where Ludacris starts rapping is a little less catchy and people aren't quite sure how to dance. We were all going crazy to the chorus, but Ludacris came on everyone kinda looked around and wondered what to do with the awkward part of the song. I realized pretty quickly that I had to do something and fast.

Next thing I know I start dancing like crazy singing the rap part as loud as I could: "When I was thirteen, I had my first love…" and proceeded to do whatever I could to make everyone look at how much fun I was having. My plan definitely worked because EVERYONE got in a circle around me and the camera guy was like the eye on Lord of the Rings when Frodo puts the ring on! BAM! There he was all up in my business in an instant!

The photo guy came and was snapping, people were laughing, people were shocked, people started having fun again. I love being in the spot light so all that attention didn't help anything. I seriously threw all inhibitions to the wind and tried to use moves P Diddy did on American Idol and from the reaction it went over well. Kate even said she hadn't seen anything like that from me before and that's saying a lot. I sing and dance most days of the week, but I've never brought out my rap/hip hop persona. Until now, that's been an alone in my room type of thing, but believe me I've been workin on it! That was just the reveal I never thought would happen.

That night there was a get together at our house afterwards and people were saying the most hilarious things about my little outburst. When the music was off and the strobe light wasn't strobin, it was much more embarrassing. Things in the moment usually feel so much better than actually looking back on them. There's something about a smoke machine and a disco ball that brings out my Ludacris rapping side…I don't know what comes over me.

*MY CUP OVERFLOWS!!!*

I found myself tonight with happy tears in my eyes staring into the eyes of a stranger. This stranger was used to bring a miracle into my life and to teach me just how much Jesus is taking care of me! I want to share it with anyone who will listen because my God IS so faithful!!!!!! When He says He loves to give good gifts to His children, He means it!!!!! When it aligns with His will, get ready for the cup to be overflowing!!! God is so good to me that He lovingly says no to my prayers A LOT, but He does say yes to me when it's right and aligns with His will!!!! I am so thankful and in awe tonight….

My cooperating teacher from my first student teacher rotation wrote a prayer for me and one of the lines in it asked God to give me an abundance of teaching supplies and materials to do my job well and I've been praying that, too. He has definitely answered that prayer already in ways that I could've never imagined!!! People have helped me out so much already and I did not expect anything else because I was already greatly blessed. The Lord has given me so much by providing my job and some supplies for me so I felt like I had gotten enough and expected no more. Well, God was ready to outdo what I thought possible this time and He really blew my mind! He was ready to show me what asking for things in His will REALLY meant! And let me tell you…it's a beautiful thing.

I went to a Rhea Lana sale the other day to buy a few books for cheap and get some presents for Samuel. At the check out there was this REALLY sweet girl who just happened to have a mom who has taught first grade for 34 years and was looking for someone to sell her teaching supplies to. She told me to call her mom and I did the very next day expecting to buy some of the things from her and excited to find a resource.

Well, when I called her she was SUPER nice and told me to bring my biggest car and lots of boxes Sunday at 6pm. I asked how much money I should bring and she said not to bring a cent! She wanted to help me out for free even though she had no idea who I was!!! I went there tonight and my mom's car was literally BURSTING at the seams with everything I could possibly want and MORE! YES, MORE!!!! Not only that, but this woman had the BEST ideas that she was sharing with me and she even got teacher of the year! I know why!!!! I met a VERY special woman tonight and I will never forget her.

I mean…I can't even write in words how much of a miracle it is. My heart is literally overflowing because my Father has showered me with gifts and provision. He is equipping me for what He has called me to do and I couldn't be more thankful! I will remember this moment when it's hard to keep the faith because this fallen world will bring those valleys. I know He is worthy of my trust no matter what life brings and I will hold this provision close to my heart. :)